<^r~THE BARRACKS WHEEZE*
By PRIVATE CHET 8HAFER
^EmjEWB (SlOth Sanitary Train, Camp Coster,
ll -ulo CKMOt MioH k
EMM During
ill m K^'U',0H
I J Two privates, one somewhat bothJ
I ered and the other quite vexed, were
(doing a verbal barrage.
"And some of these fine mornI
ings," one said with an air of finality,
I i "your pile will wake up and be
J I :igrecably surprised by receiving a
I / letter from Washington containing a
/ check for SIO.OOO."
/ HLs word was last.
/ THE MGCEST PIFFF.RF.XCE BE/
TITLES' A SOLDIER ASD A COMI
MI SSI OS'ED OFFICER IS THE
/ DEE E RES'CE.
| I [ NEEDLES IN HAYSTACKS
| I COMPANY PHOTOS AKE GRAD
/ I'ALLY REPLACING THE FAVOR/
ITE PUZZLES AROUND THE HOMfc
| I / HEARTH. THERE WILL BE MANY
I I , PARENTS HAPPY WHEN THE
/ / ' WAR IS OVER HO THAT ABIKL
I / / j AND CLINTON CAN RETURN TC
I I POINT OUT WHICH ONE IS HIM.
I Ij.jA Measuring Worm
IIlliM J*a (
I Individuality
With the methods
Of the soldier
C routing in
Sewed-up
At night.
There is no oilier movement that
the array man's nightly struggle to
"get set" may be likened to unless it
is the progress ot a mole through a
garden, observed from above.
His conviction that he was lucky
was based on the fact that he atIWnWy
tended two shows during his fur11
Iff/A lough and was late enough to miss
V The national anthem of the moth, 'tis
m ffJX said, is "The l.ittlc Grey Hume In the
if (fli, A\I) THERE ARE THOSE WHO
^ifl WOULD PI T A BOUNTY ON ALL
(l ?/ tX>PIE8 ?F "A I>KKFECT DAY*"
I / i The ai-erage
t\ 4f I Infantryman
If %pr
J 11 I Pet Canary
llll I During a meeting
n ?f,ke
HI .lid .Society.
SEVERAL HAVE ALREADY A I,
, Jt I LOWED THAT THE RULES OF
< f WAR AND LOTTO ARE WIDELY
O0| I DIFFERENT.
wl CREATING DISSENSION
Ml IS A VIOLATION OF LAVS
Any attempt to create dissensioi
between the peoples of the Unitec
II States an(* Great Britain in a viola
1 I if 1 i,\n rxf lhi> wiiiinnai'o law nAJUted hi
' j ' 11III the last Congress, according to a rul
i I'll I ins a California judge.
' ' I ij r [ The ruling was made in connectioi
' ! ! with the suppression of a movinj
\Uy picture entitled "The Spirit of 1776.'
in which British soldiers were de
picted as committing during th<
j Revolution atrocities and outrage!
T j II that have been proved against th<
I |ljj Germans in the present war. It wa;
| j j j I held that such a picture, not base<
I on authentic-history, would help thi
l\ f^r-y German cause by arousing bad feel
ing between Americans and Britons
SAVE YOUR COPIES
I fefljiBM 1n thousands and thousands of sol
}&&[Nffl diers' homes there are complete file;
I of Trench and Camp from the firs!
j copy down to date, sent home by th<
I soldiers and carefully preserved bj
I LjiB^j mothers' tender hands. These papen
5will make "mighty interesting read
ing" when you get back. Save youi
copies by sending them home tc
mother.
WE Re- AJwovs T'otx>M
tote-T UCKTf? KAlS?
EVCM -To eXP?Rta*ClNe- TfW
rtaMJT SiceAKi?w^'SaiitL of -s
AmATofc's FiR?r * Jby Ripe '
C*>W?'lfc> UKf
\ lITMWflMftS*,
CWiM
WHITE HORSE EXEMPT.
The' white horse is the fortunate
norse m mis war, ior bb is cxcniyi
from the draft for army purposes.
The obvious reason Is that he presents
too conspicuous a target.
Before the United States entered
i the war, however, the allies bought
some light-colored animals .and attempts
were made to disguise them
with dyes. Inventors produced several
shades, all of which were rejected,
however, except one, which
was tried out on a battery of twentyfour
horses in the French artillery.
Weather turned it a bottle green
after a week of service, and the ani?
.. 1 >. t K In /inlft* fmnnthfl
; and all white and light gray horses
are now being rejected. The effect
of this will be to reduce still further
the available supply from which to
choose.
r USE OF SWEATERS
The Adjutant General of the Army
1 has issued the following instructions
I regarding tHe wearing of woolen gar
ments furnished by the Red Cross:
i "The wearing of certain knit
- woolen garments, i.e., sweaters, helmets.
mufflers and wristlets furnishI
ed by the Red Cross, or by private
; individuals, is authorized when nec'
essary on account of climatic con
ditions. and when sufficient articles
: of uniform clothing of like character!
5 have not been furnished. The knit
sj woolen helmets, mufflers and wristsi
lets may be worn when authorized
II by commanding officers concerned,
i| when, in their opinion the wearing
- of such articles is conducive to the
. comfort and health of officers andj
enlisted men. The wearing of the
sweater may be authorized under the
. same conditions, but this article will
- I at nn limp hp wnrn as an nuter e-ar
t ment."
! AND HE PLAYS BY EAR
i Principal Musician?When is a
- mule a musician?
r Trombonist?When he brays.
i Principal Musician?Wrong. When
he has his corn el.
; ^
\V* ? J J* ^ *
VW-"
g^/ /->
?^/iA/l_ vt,.
rlfl^
MOTORMAN EMPLOYS
RHYME TO ANSWER
HIS QUESTIONNAIRE
Many novel ways have been adopted
by draft registrants to waive exemption
claims, but to Timothy
Lynch, a New York street car motorman,
belongs the distinction of being
first to answer his questionnaire
in rhyme. After waving exemption
personally, he obtained the permission
of his local board to use a little
"inspiration" in filling out his paper.
He was given consent, with the following
result:
I. Timothy I.ynch, do solemnly swear,
I'm the registrant In this questionnaire.
Thirty years hid in my age, ?ir, to-aay.
I live near this school, a tew blocks aw>y.
I'm a motorman, and also please add
1 lire with my wife, and she with her dad.
I work for the Road and truthfully sayI
run over people ten hours a day.
So skilled am I In this kind of work
I know I can kill both Teuton and Turk.
Mllltury training I never had,
I wan put out of school for being bad.
I speak English well, both pure and proGerman
or French never entered by brain.
And here let Tne say. put this In rhyme.
That never was 1 convicted of crime.
I stand six feel In my?estimation.
And weigh 200 without?exaggeration.
I'm physically fit and feeling so fine,
I'll sign iny name at the end of this line.
It has never been mv fortune or fate
To be employed by this Nation or State. ,
Am I a minister? Tou make mo smile,
A Divinity student? Wrong by a mile.
I'm not In the naval or military service.
It was my neglect, and not that I'm nervous.
I'm a citizen and am proud to say.
I'm ready 'to fight lor ray flag any day.
Though born In Ireland thirty years ago
I've been In this contry ten ye^rs or so.
I left ono fine day from fair Quoenstown
port.
Aboard the Celtic and here I was brought
I came here alone. My parents stayed home.
They were loo fecblo this wldo world to
I got citizen papers In City Hall.
I love this country; I await its call.
I have dependents. I'm married, you see. |
There's Bridget, my wife, and our child.
Marie.
We all live tocelhcr, wife, child and roe.
It coats a wholo lot to care for ua three.
But I'm a lighter and If It must bo.
My wife will work hard and lot mo bo free
To do my full share for democracy.
I waive all claim for any exemption,
I want to light for freedom's redemption.
!
T -I ^r-f*4' ,w-J * "~~~
gkps&f&Z*:-* s
<e*shu.
^s^sse*
-. ^ -#????
s^^x.-^ *?ipm
'^jKg
^ FNgrv si
-TV' .
i
T&OJOrtTseUeVe IT, Asii. ,
toe S<ACK WITH- THE- J
jTAL'fbi'iMC-C'oCTS,? f ,
jMewrtem?1!!" <enAS,
I 1
RAPID INVENTION
That the beet inventive genius in
America has been turned'toward the
war is evidenced by the fact that be-fore
200,000 gas masks shipped from
the United States could be distributed
to our soldiers in France a bet
ter type of mask had been perfected
and their manufacture begun. The
200,000 masks were of an American
type said to be far superior to anything
of the kind used by the French
or British troops, but something better
was soon devised. The fact that
the 200,000 masks were sent back to
this country gave rise to the rumor
that they were defective, but Secretary
Baker promptly corrected this fr ,
Impression.
??
LEARNED TO PRAY
A wealthy young man was urged
to enlist in the National Guard regi- *
ment of his home town.
ivo, ne replied, lei mem come
and get me. I am not afraid to be
a soldier. I can do my bit with the
best of them and I will take it as it
comes."
Loiter he was drafted and sent to
a training camp. After he had been
there a few weeks a friend who had
tried to get him to enlist called at
the camp to see him. He was found
behind the mess shack peeling
onions.
"How goes it?" inquired the
friend.
"Not so good," replied the private,
"but I have learned to do one thing
here I never did before."
;what's that?"
"I have learned to pray."
"And for what do you pray?"
"Every night I say, 'Good Lord
please make me a sergeant.'"
GERMAN BOYS CALLED UP
Boys sixteen years old have been
called to the military ranks in Germany.
They compose the class of
1920. This, indicates bow bard
pressed the Germans are, for ordinarily
this class would not be called aj
upon to perform military service on- 9
til two years hence.