Opinions
Rituals of autumn
confusing
Faithful followers of the game
of football make it their business
to keep up with its intricate rituals.
But, to the uninitiated, many of
the symbolic gestures seen on the
playing field must be very puzzl
ing.
So, for the sake of those long
suffering wives who must soon en
dure the annual holiday football
orgies, here are some handy view
ing tips.
You must understand at the
outset that some gestures can have
more than one meaning, depen
ding on the situation.
For example, you might see
"someone .on the field thrust both
.arms into the air, much like a vic
tim of an armed bank robbery. If a
man in a striped shirt does this, it
means that one of the teams has
scored a touchdown or field goal.
(Veteran viewers refer to this as
"putting points on the board.")
If a football player does this, on
the other hand, he is simply help
ing the officials (the men in striped
shirts) do their job, reminding
them that a score has been made,
Lucien
Coleman _
.' I._
Things That Matter
just in case they weren't looking.
What is really confusing is that
this very same signal can have yet
another meaning. A player who
prances about with both arms in
the air could be calling attention to
the herioc play he has just made.
This helps the spectators give
credit where credit is due.
Players have other ways of call
ing attention to their prowess. For
example, a burly tackle who has
just flattened the opposing team's
quarterback might cavort around,
flinging one arm forward like a
man trying to swat a fly. Or he
might hold his hand aloft, slapping
the hands of teammates. (This lat
ter practice is known as "high
fiving".)
Another little ritual usually oc
curs just after a player has failed to
catch a ball thrown to him. The
player drops to his knees and
assumes a position like that of a
Muslim at prayer, beating his head
against the ground. This is a sym
bolic way of saying, "I can't im
agine what caused me to miss the
ball on this particular occasion,
since I almost always catch it under
normal conditions."
One of my favorites, because it
is always so funny, is the simulated
temper-tantrum. In this maneuver,
a player jumps up and down
vigorously, wildly waving his
arms, very much like a 5-year-old
- whose mother won't let him have
another chocolate-chip cookie. He
does this to let th*-man in- the.
striped shirt know that he is less
than pleased with the manner in
which the official is conducting the
game.
While time and space will not
permit a more exhaustive explana
tion of the game, I do hope these
viewing tips will be of help to those
who are relative newcomers to
America's favorite spectator sport.
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Huff Odyssey worth the abuse
Having survived a road trip with
my non-smoking, teetotaler, bud
dy D R. Huff and his lovely wife
Emmie I am now ready to record
the events for history.
Due to D.R.'s contrary nature,
the trip didn't start with perfect ac
cord. I informed him there would
be no smoking in the van by him
and my brother Corbett. Both are
addicted to the weed. His reply
was: "The first thing I bought for
the trip was a pair of ear plugs."
My good wife Ireni was to make
the trip. Her work schedule caused
her to remain behind. My brother
Corbett was available so I invited
him to go. I felt badly about Em
mie traveling with three men. She
needed a lady companion. I tried
to remedy the situation by getting
some ladies to go along, but to no
avail.
When 1 asked Shirley Gibson,
she used the slim excuse she was in
volved in an election. Dorothy
Sparrow of Medicine Shoppe fame
would have gone if only I had
waited to ask her. Her husband
Ray, who is a Methodist minister,
was standing nearby when I asked
and Dorothy faded on me. Miss B
stared at me as if I had lost my
mind.
Margaret Winstead, one of my
favorite people, was my next
choice. However, I lost my nerve. I
would dread facing Arthur each
Sunday. Those beady eyes staring
me down would be more than I
could take.
Mary Helen Senter was strong
on my mind. Seeing that black
mourning bow placed by Neal on
the door every time she left was
more than I could take. So 1
chickened out. Being totally
discouraged by refusals from some
of my favorite ladies, caused me to
come to a sobering conclusion. My
days as a sex symbol were over.
We left Ashley Heights at 1 p.ny
on Sunday. D.R. was driving and
smoking. I had a good start on
black lung disease before we got to
Charlotte.
After visiting Ronnie's house in
Atlanta, we bedded down in a
Day's Inn for our first night. Em
Looking On
Raz Autry
mie and I had decided before the
trip to take a 30 minute walk each
morning. D.R. and Corbett were
invited to come along.' Huff declin
ed by using some choice language.
Corbett complained of a sore
back.
In route to Jackson, Mississippi,
we toured the University of
Alabama. All Universities have
similar features. Some are more
famous for personalities associated
with them. Paul Bear Bryant is one
of the dominant figures associated
with the university. When I
pointed this out to my contrary
friend he stated the only reason he
wanted to see it was to look at the
co-eds.
Our primary reason for traveling
Highway 20 West was to go to
Vicksburg and follow the
Mississippi North and return
South on the opposite side.
The lush farming country of the
Delta along the Mississippi River is
a sight to behold. Miles and miles
of open cotton reminds one of an
endless mountain range covered
with snow. Humming cotton
pickers and men in pick-ups and
large trucks have replaced the mule
and wagon.
After leaving the Delta, we took
Highway 82 from Greenville and
crossed the Mississippi into Arkan
sas. Corbett had done all the driv
ing except for one small run. D.R.
drove to Charlotte. He started to
-complain abput my lack of time
under the wheel. 1 explained to him
that I was older than Corbett and it
was his duty to drive. A disgusted
look told the story of how he
regarded the statement.
Arkansas is the home of Shirley
Gibson's parents. She and Bobby
travel to the state often.
Rice is produced in abundance
in Arkansas. However much of the
land is planted in cotton and soy
beans.
Traveling across the various
states one comes to realize how
much the landscape is alike
throughout America. Arkansas is
no exception. Many parts of it
look much like coastal North
Carolina.
Arkansas has numerous oil wells
scattered on farms. To have an oil
well to subsidize tobacco, cotton
and soybeans would be more than
Hoke farmers could handle.
Everything is large in Texas.
Some unkept cities in it are like
cities elsewhere. Too many people,
empty buildings and loafers on the
corners.
Our first night in Texas was
spent in a truck stop motel off In
terstate 30. We stopped at a motel
in Texarkana, so named because it
straddled the Arkansas-Texas state
line.
After checking the rooms, I told
Emmie we would be attacked by a
Texas-size cockroach if we stayed.
Needless to say, we hit the road
with a lot of lip from Grouchy.
Every state has outstanding
features. Oklahoma and Texas are
no exception.
D.R. and Emmie had some
friends in Broken Bow,
Oklahoma. They operate a senior
citizen home in Idabel and we met
them at the home. Bill and
Altoclair Morgan are first class
folks. They welcomed Corbett and
me like long lost friends. D.R. was
afraid if he went in the senior
citizen home he couldn't leave. 1
encouraged the folks to keep him,
however, knowing him like they do
their interest was non-existent.
Bill and Altaclair invited us for
Junch. In a matter of fact
language, they said you will enjoy
the Elk. Since this meat was nof*
high on my list of desirables, I
declined. Corbett had already
turned green and I used him as an
excuse. I noticed D.R. didn't pull a
chair out at the table and beg for
elk.
Wichita Falls, Texas was our
home for one night as was
(Continued pn page 6B)
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