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J NO ™ ,NG
AAH BTOVWING, JR» 1
HAPPY NEW YEAR
Christmaß has came and went and
In just a few more daya 1933, clad
in a triangular piece, of cloth, a
safety pin and a tail silk hat will ar
rive on the scene to stage his little
act of kicking out 1932 and official
ly taking charge.
It appears to us it's gonna be a
pretty tough job for such a tiny
baby—but as each day passes he'll
be a day older. That's something.
Simpson dropped in a few miiu
tes ago as he was passing through
on his way to Frog Hollow to spend
Christmas, and after peeling and
eating a prize apple we had on our
desk and littering up the floor, he
commented a few minutes on the
economic situation as faced by the
new year.
Nineteen hundred and thirty-three
will be a big year, Simpson thinks,
will have approximately 365
days. he is of the opinion
that it will not be as popular with
the Democrats as was 1932, as that
GmmzA.
am/
BAYER
Am a/
Insist on genuine Bayer Aspirin! Not
only for its safety, but for its speed.
The tablet stamped Bayer dissolves
at once. It gets to the seal of pain
without delay. It is many minutes
faster than any imitation you can
buy, and time counts when you're
in pain! For quick relief of headaches,
colds, sore throat, neuralgia and
rheumatism, periodic pains, and
other suffering, stick to the tablets
of Bayer manufacture All druggists.
nuitUL,
ijlVßll
f MIIEtoIi II JluJkiil.
does not depress the heart
HAPPY
NEW YEAR
May 1933 bring to you a
full measure of health,
happiness and prosperi
ty that will continue
with you throughout the
year.
Paul Gwyn
INSURANCE
ALL LINES
Security Service
Phone 208
Elkin, N. C.
was the year they got aboard the
gravy train.
Simpson expects business to sorta
toddle along until after March 4th
and the inauguration of Mr. Roose
velt, and then he either expects it
to get better, worse, or remain as
it it*. He officially predicts one or
the other and says we can go ahead
and quote him.
He also predicted an unusually
good business for th«» dispensers of
headache powders if things don't
improve.
Which all reminded us of an an
nouncement we heard over the radio
a few minutes ago. The announcer
was signing off some blah-hooey
commercial program and he said:
"So until next week at this same
hour we wish you health and happi
ness!" t
After next week at that hour we
guess we'll have to get along the
best way we can, or something.
• * *
TESTIMONIAL
For nigw on to 30 years I have
suffered with a sore on my right
leg. Nothing the doctors did seemed
to do any good. I couldn't sleep at
night or in the daytime either. It
is needless to say I suffered agony.
And then I heard over the radio
about Dr. Oink's Purple Ointment!
I bought a box and applied it to my
leg. And after using 64537465
boxes I am proud to say I am
troubled no more. The sore is
gone! But so is my leg, for that
matter. It was amputated yester
day.
• • ♦
TSK, TSK, TSK!
The Frazier case was continued
on schedule a short while after court
convened at Dobson the other week.
And when we asked what excuse was
offered this time, someone remarked
that a doctor was sick in Baltimore.
No one knows, but there might
have been a doctor sick in New York,
too.
It's none of our business, but
then we make a nuisance of our
selves by making things that are
none of our business our business.
Anyway, why don't they either go
ahead and try that case or else
throw it off the docket. If it was
some poor soul indicted for bootleg
ging or some other petty crime it
would have been tried so long ago
no one would remember it.
It's things like that that make
folks wonder if there really is any
justice? When a man has influence
and a little money he's just about as
safe from the law, it appears, as if
he were on the planet Mars. It's
the poor folks who provide grist
for the court mills!
And now that's settled!
♦ • ♦
WHILE THERE'S LIFE THERE'S
HOPE
Everytime we get wide enough
awake to start on this column we
always entertain the hope that be
fore we finish it we'll give birth to
an idea.
Yet although we have written
over 60-odd columns since we
started this weekjy orgy here, we
think we may safely say that we
haven't said anything worthwhile as
yet.
Looking back over the past year,
with its trials and tribulations, we
do find that we've made numerous
people Blightly peeved at some lit
tle something or other we wrote;
that we've made ourself a general
nuisance week in and week out, and
that we've wasted a lot of good time
and paper. But regardless of what
YOU think, we've enjoyed it. You
must come over sometime.
• * *
ALONG MAIN STREET
At least the snow accomplished
one thing. It resulted in cars run
ning close to the street curbs that
had never done it before . . . But it
spoiled the pleasure of those who
had to park in the middle of the
street. It's not a bit of fun when it's
quite all right and the proper thing
to do. And besides, they couldn't
hold up traffic that way . . . The
missing Stateßville bank receiver
was found in a stupor. Wonder if
It was the same stupor dol. Robins
had with him at Asheville? , . . But
what has all this drivel got to do
with Main street? Ask us . . .
• • »
THIS AND THAT
Who was it we heard remark the
other day that there are three kinds
of minds—idiotic, moron and Mack.
• ■ • *
Oswald H. Gumbersnitz, great
man about town, upcu seeing how
THE ff!T vm TRIBUNE, ELKIN NORTH CAROLINA
the city was dumping all the snow
they were hauling off of Main street
down upon Mr. Aidrldge's peowee
golf course, suggested that in the
future when it snows that the town
officials have all the * snow which
ordinarily falls in the street de
toured into the vacant lot. He said
it would save expense of having the
streets cleaned.
* * *
It's about time for folks to take
an hour or so to make new year's
resolutions so they can spend all the
rest of the year breaking them.
• • •
A certain local gentleman, after
having new piston rings put in his
car and getting the bill, came to us
and asked us if it was really possi
ble for mechanics to install 18 carat
gold rings in automobiles. And after
we looked at the bill, we were ready
to believe that the mechanic had
installed platinum rings and used a
gold monkey wrench.
• • *
The way things are, we wonder if
instead of midnight revellers tolling
the old year out, wouldn't it be more
appropriate to reverse proceedings
and toll the ney year in.
• • •
Oh, well, we had to cultivate a
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tack Up lOUT troubles With Robt. Montgomery
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SPECIAL FOR MONDAY AND TUESDAY
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January 6-7 January 9-10 January 16-17 January 23-24
CONGORILLA' "SMILING 'PROSPERITY' "GRAND M
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■ 1 :■. .
do the same for beer.
* • •
In former years it used to make- us
mad to get socks, neckties, under
wear and BO forth as Christmas
gifts. But ah goodness how a depres
sion can change one's viewpoint!
• * •
( ODDS AND ENDS i
We just stick in these headings
now and then to relieve the monoto
ny.
•♦ * C
That's where you have it on us.
All you have to do is lay the paper
aside for the next morning's fire.
* * *
Someone said the other day that
there are three columns they don't
like and that the Gab Bag is all
three of them.
• •
But that's all right. All us great
columnists, including Mclntyre and
Brisbane, sometimes go a little over
the heads of the common masses.
• ♦ •
So for those who can't appreciate
the Gab Big we suggest a copy of
Cap'n Billy's Whiz Bang.
• * •
Last week we wished you all a
Merry Christmas. This week it is
(Seems like there used to be an
other word used in new year's greet
ings, but for the moment it hau
escaped us. Er-er-ah! We have it!
The word is "prosperity." Oh well).
EHBINGHALfS ILL
J. C. B. Ehringhaus, governor
elect of North Carolina, is in a Nor
folk hospital undergoing treatment
for a minor ailment, it was learned
Monday.
Meet Your Friends at
NU-WAY CAFE
For a Good Meal at Our Low Prices
EAST MAIN ST. ELKIN, N. C.
' f I
C. W. STEELE
Jeweler
R. Main St Klkin, N. C.