WE'LL BITE, WHAT?
A letter came to this department
the other day bearing this simple
query: "Will you please tell me what
columnists are good for?"
Which brings on more talk and a
hasty scratching for excuses.
Columnists are mostly good for
nothing. At the same time they are
good for filling a certain amount of
space in each issue of their paper.
Most columnists come equipped
with long noses, especially designed
for sticking into other folks' busi
ness. They act as shock absorbers
when subscribers want to put up a
knick about something, and have a
mania for jumping from the frying
pan into the fire.
Columnists have the privilege of
Imposing their half baked and of
times goofy ideas upon a helpless
public. And if the public howls, the
columnist usually has the last word
—against which there ought to be a
law or something.
But at that there's really no ex
cuse for them.
* * *.
MUTTER AND MUMBLE
A doorknob is something a revolv
ing door goes around without. . .
Lightning never strikes twice in the
same place for the reason that after
it strikes once a second strike is un
necessary. . . The commissioners are
planning to erect street markers and
FINE
gggg| REPAIRING
® Two Expert
Repairmen
KSy In Charge
C. W. STEELE
Jeweler
E. Main St. Elkin, N. C.
Ton can keep a rfeU
good shirt (4 VM
DOWN! ATT
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There's just as much comfort across your chest too!
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Others, 50c and 75c each
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EHES fHi
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FOR EVERY SEASON Hill
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F. A. BRENDLE & SON
EAST MAIN STREET
number the houses. They'll proba
bly tack the cost of numbering your
house on you, but if so don't kick
because at the most it will only cost
you about 10 or 15 cents. . . It would
seem the Republicans preferred
Meekins over Duncan —and are
planning a 'new deal" for the state.
. . Planning to toss a monkey wrench
into the Democratic machine, as it
were. . . Suggestion for sign in the
Blue Moon cafe: 'McDaniel doesn't
worry here anymore." . . . They're
blaming a lot of ills on tonsils these
days. We worried through life for
over 20 years with a terribly bad
set, and then lost 20 pounds when
we had them out—and we've never
gained that 20 pounds back. Oh no,
our bones were not always so appar
ent. . . The scaredest we've ever
been was the foggy night our head
lights shone upon a white horse
walking in the middle of the road.
If there's anything that can more
resemble a ghost, trot it out. . .
* * *
NOT SO FUNNY
About a year ago while traveling
the highway between Jonesville and
Arlington we stopped our car at
what we thought to be an accident
in which a girl had been injured.
Cries of "hospital", and moans and
groans, topped by the sight of the
prostrate body of a girl lying upon
the pavement, was to our mind an
emergency which called for aid.
But it was just a prank, although
a very foolish one, on the part of a
group of young people out for a lark.
One night last week as we were
on our way home our headlights re
vealed the prostrate body of a boy
lying in the gutter, the upper por
tion of his body protruding into
the street while his legs were rest
ing upon the curbing. Naturally our
first thoughts were of a hit-and
run driver and his victim, but as our
foot reached for the brake, the
youngster jumped up—and fooled
once before in the same way—we
kept going.
Had we been meeting a car at the
time we wouldn't have been able to
THE ELKIN TRIBUNE. ELKIN. NORTH CAROLINA
see him. And had we been meeting
a car we would have swerved to the
I
side of the street in which he was
lying—and more than likely would
,have unavoidably run over him be
| fore he could have gotten out of the
; way.
Although it was dark and we
didn't stop, we know tv.'io the boy
was. And if some of you parents
who have sons carrying a paper
route will take the trouble to in
quire, we'll give you his name pro
vided you'll give him the licking he
deserves.
Boyish pranks are to be expected.
But even a youngster should show
some slight signs of gumption.
HE'S NOT GONE HIGH HAT
Seven of the- Gab Bag's force of
three scouts have passed in the
word that the boss has gone high
hat, cold shoulder, or just plain
snooty due to a lately acquired
habit of not speaking to his friends
when he meets them on the street.
For your own information don't
take this alleged attitude to heart.
Due to an attack of laryngitis Mr.
Laffoon is not speaking to anybody
—and that's doctor's orders. He
hasn't even spoken to us in three
weeks.
You can imagine the relief it has
been not to get bawled out in three
weeks.
• * *
THIS AND THAT
Owners of plate glass windows
breathed easier last week while Ted
Brown was in New York.
We understand a movement is on
foot here to have the Elkin fire
truck placed in a New York museum
with oher relics of the dim and dis
tant past.
Although we realize that the town
hasn't money to toss here and there
for just any and everything, any
money placed in a more modern
fire truck would be a real invest
ment that would pay dividends.
» * »
Granting that the town has no
money to spend for this and that,
neither has the average citizen
mony with which to rebuild a home
when it burns down—and fire in
surance companies don't have Elkin
listed as a garden spot.
Instead of the swell siren atop the
p. o. shrieking to the citizens to
come and assist in extinguishing a
fire, it merely extends a throaty in
vitation to come and watch a house
burn down.
The majority of the buildings on
Main street are potential fire traps
—and one of these days a fire is lia
ble to break out that will make the
recent Sparta conflagration resem
ble a smouldering: cigarete stub—if
decent fire fighting equipment is
not on hand to check it at the start.
• * *
Oh well.
Tobacco Growers
Getting In Line
The revision of flue-cured tobacco
contracts in which the claims of past
acreage and production were too high
should be completed for North Car
olina in the near future.
E. Y. Floyd, of State College, who
has charge of the tobacco control
program, said that the revisions have
been completed in 23 counties and
that four others will be finished in
a day or two.
This leaves 31 more of the State's
58 flue-cured tobacco counties yet to
finish their contracts. However, he
pointed out, the work in most of these
counties is almost complete. Their
completions should take only a few
more days.
Approximately half of the 68,000
contracts signed have been accepted
by Floyd's office here after their re
vision. The contracts now accepted
coyer about one-half of the total
acreage under contract, Floyd esti
mated.
The rental payments on the acres
which are being retired from cultiva
tion will amount to more than $5,-
000,000. Another $2,000,000 will be
paid before long to equalize the in
come from that part of the 1933
crop which was sold before prices
reached parity.
Probably more than $6,000,000 in
benefit payments will also be. paid
the growers who reduce their pro
duction at the rate of 12 1-2 per cent
of the market value of their 1934
crop.
The counties in which.revision has
been completed are: Pitt, Davidson,
Columbus, Sampson, Hertford, Robe
son, Cumberland, Onslow, Bladen,
Caswell, Jones, Johnston, Craven,
Wilkes, New Hanover, Chatham,
Wilson, Vance, Randolph, Scotland,
Duplin, Caldwell and Montgomery.
Carteret, Bertie, Lenoir, and Hoke
counties are virtually complete.
COULDN'T BLAME HIM
First Kid: Gee, Jimmy, when I
went by your house this morning I
heard somebody swearin' something
awful!
Second Kid: Aw, that was my
dad. He was late for church and
couldn't find his hymn book.
NOTICE
NORTH CAROLINA,
SURRY COUNTY.
In the Superior Court
John Q. Adams, Plaintiff,
vs.
Bertha Smith Adams, Plaintiff, De
fendant.
The defendant above named will
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take notice that an action entitled as
above has been commenced in the
superior court of Surry County, and
state aforesaid, to obtain an abso
lute divorce, and the said defendant
will further take notice that she is
required to appear at the office of
the Clerk of Superior Court, at Dob
Thursday, April 12, 1934
son, N. C., on the 30th day of April*
1934, an answer or demur to the
complaint in said action, or the
plaintiff will apply to the court for
the relief demanded in * id com
plaint.
This the 2&th day of March, 1934.
F. T. LLEWELLYN,
4-26 Clerk of the Superior Court.