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By ALAN BROWNING, Jr.
WE AIM TO BE HELPFUL TO ALL
It is the purpose' of this column to be helpful to everyon£
For that purpose we have on our staff Prof. J. Bottlenose Funny
puss who is in charge of our laboratory for scientific research
and political prognostication.
After reading in a recent issue of a Greensboro daily that
"Our Bob" Lovelace has predicted that President Roosevelt will
get only about 50 electorial votes in the 1936 election; that he
will not carry North Carolina, and that the forces of the G. 0. P.
(Gone Outer Power), will gain control of the political machinery
of this state, we thought it only fair that we have Prof. Funny
puss write a special delivery letter to President Roosevelt advis-
ing him not to run for president in*
the next campaign. Running in the
face of Mr. Lovelace's prediction
will be the purest folly.
Of course if President Roosevelt
wishes to' make the race that will be
his business, but it is our purpose to
save him—and the Democratic party
—many thousands of dollars which
would be spent on an absolutely
useless campaign if he does run.
A man of Mr. Lovelace's political
standing is absolutely sure to know
what he is talking about, especially
when he does not confine himself
to the state alone, but rises to view
with alarm all possible menaces to
the constitution and all assorted
"isms" from Soviet Russia. A man
who can grasp everything from the
Old North State to Russia in one in
terview is a man to be reckoned
Personally, we believe Mr. Love
lace will be wasting his time if he
runs for Lieutenant-Governor of
North Carolina. He should aspire to
nothing less than the governorship,
or even to the presidency. A man
with such keen political insight that
he can predict what is to come over
a year hence could probably predict
himself into the White House with
just as much accuracy.
• • *
TSK, TSK, TSK!
We were just looking at some back
copies of The Trihune and while so
doing happened across the column
we wrote while in the hospital here
Tsk, tsk, tsk! And as much as
we had written beforehand about
people who talk about their oper
Oh, well, we guess an operation
is interesting only to those who have
had one—and so interested are they
that they get the misguided notion
that other folks will also be inter
ested. However, although this is a
late date, we apologize for pestering
you so much a year ago about our
operation. We won't do it again un
til we have that pesky mole on the
back of our neck removed.
♦ • *
FROM OUR MAIL BAG
Will you be so kind as to inform
me just why you have been allowed
to run at large for 10, these many
years? Don't you know you are
what we might term a "harmless
menace" to the entire literary pro
fession? Personally, I woultf con
sider it a great favor if you would
take a permanent vacation from your
"weakly" columning each week.
L. G. G.
Oh, thank you, thank you.
• • ♦
Kindly inform me'ho\f long is a
piece of string? Thanks.
Twice as long as a half a piece.
For further information on this sub
ject, see Bonnie Brown or Charles
Dunnagan at Turner Drug Co.
• • •
If a hen and a half lays an egg
and a half in a day and a half, how
long would it take one hen to lay
• * •
THIS AND THAT
Not much need of legalizing liquor
In this state now, what with the
new legal wines. One or two glasses
Or so we've been tokJ. (Ahem.)
The following letter was received
recently by a concern which manu
factures corn syrup: "Dear Sirs:
Though I have taken six cans of
your corn syrup my feet are no bet
ter now than when I started."
He should try some corn medicine
on his flapjacks.
Equip Today With
Sinclair Gas and Oils
E. Main Street Elkin, N. C,
of NYAL Products || 15th Anniversary Turner Drug Co.
We're celebrating the double anniversary event with a most timely offering of drugs and drug sundries,
co-operating in Surprise Days by offering many exceptional values throughout the store, in addition to our
surprise values for Friday and Saturday. Sale continues the remainder of the week. Supply your needs
from this fresh shipment of merchandise, priced so reasonable you'll want to buy liberally for future needs.
Co-operating in "Surprise Days" A Most Timely Sale
LOOK! LOOK! -
Bay Rum OAc 100 Aspirin' QQ
Pint OS Tablets 03 Wl/T
Tooth Paste Witch Hazel OAc 50c Box Muriel Astor Face Powtfer, 50c
50 c Nydenta Pint glfc 69' Cod Liver
tooth naste and " _____—____________ V'II
Bov Scout Milk J^ agnesia W 1 Bottle Corn Remover and Box OAc DIMT Hfin
Knife, Both" p,nt 03 Pound Size Com Pads.., £3 PINT 79 c
49? Shampoo 39° 49° __ 19 c I QUART -$1 I
Milk fIHfHH SEGAL RAZOR Alarm Clock
Magnesia With 2 Packages Razor Blades Value
PINT 39c lE* 39c Jsit 98c
■KHH Rubbing 'I * IN ✓"> Friday—
IH urner vntg
PINT 19 c Phone 64 Elkin, N. C. BEAUTYTHEST
THE ELKIN TWIKUNE. BLKIN. NORTH CAROLINA
WILL KEEP CONGRESS LONGER
Washington, July 21.—A promise
that five billion dollars of inflation
ary legislation would be laid in front
of the administration program in the
senate came today from Senator
Borah, Republican, Idaho, with a
prediction that Congress would be
here until November 1.
The veteran Idaho independent
said friends of the Frazier-Lemke
farm mortgage refinancing bill and
the vetoed Patman bonus measure
"have concluded" to tack these on to
one of the administration's "must"
/THE MOST FINELY BALANCED LOW-PRICED CAR EVER BUILT
: W|l If' «.Mm You will find many things to delight
m mWWm you, many advantages that yoa can
s£ss I|kj9 |Qim. not g n( j j n an y low-priced car, when you
-- . -. accept your Chevrolet dealer's invitation to drive
" "!*% 1 '^S::the new Master De Luxe Chevrolet! It's the only
Hp •• V ' ... 11. i
> & : car in its price range that brings you the match*
.jf ;• leas beauty of Body by Fisher—the superior safety
I of solid stee 1 Turret-Top construction—the glid
ing comfort of the Knee-Action Ride! And it's
also the only car in its price range that brings you
such a perfect balance of all motoring advantages,
such a fine combination of style and stamina,
jpower and economy, speed and safety, pick-up
a nd dependability! Visit your Chevrolet dealer
tSIIM —accept his invitation to drive the most finely
balanced low-priced car ever built —today!
Compart Chevrolet'a low delivered pricea and *o*y G.M.A.C . termi
.: r; ; A General Motora Value
F-W CHEVROLET COMPANY
Phone 255 Elkin, N. C.
bills, probably the tax measure, in
"Two must programs seem to be
colliding," Borah observed.
Persons accused of crime In
Maryland may be tried by a jury or
by a single Judge, as they prefer.
It is said that a majority prefer to
trust their fate to one judge than
to a Jury of 12. r
Mark Qeldon of Sheffield. Eng..
molded himself a very satisfactory
set of false teeth from scraps of
aluminum which he melted.
Hf "Winter days
Thursday, July 25, 1935