THE I^SSi
Editor' 9 Note: Mussolini, by entering the war, sort of threw
this column out of date, due to the fact that it was written Sat
urday of last week. Rather than change it we are letting it go
as originally written, for so far as we know, no Gab Bag has ever
been up to date and why start changing our ways at this late
hour?
MR. HARRIS HAS A PLAN
Abe Harris was in the office the other day with a plan
to aid the French in combatting the Nazi tanks. "Why?"
whyed Mr. Harris, "doesn't General Weygand place dyna
mite in the ground at numerous places in front of his line?
These mines could be connected to a switch board containing
buttons with which to set them off. Thus, when a German
tank was over one of the mines, the operator could press the
button controlling that particu-#
lar spot and blow it up." I
We agreed it was a good idea.
"Sure it's a good idea," said Mr.
Harris. "Chances are, General
Weygand has been sc busy that
he hasn't thought of it himself.
Investment in Sigh; I
-Best He Ever Made j
I "I NEED clear
I sight more than Ido I
| the little money it
costs to have my
I glasses changed,"
8 says an office work
jj er. We check his |
HANES UNDERWEAR lIWH
Belk-Doughton Co. lErerannj
I y / jT \ Get leg-freedom for youi 1 sports.
\ J / / And have protection, too.
i yf Men everywhere are wearing HANES
. iii ii 4 y' Crotch-Guard Sports for thrir games.
yJ I U W They have also discovered that this com-
I \\ fortable garment helps them keep feeling
I // \\ \\ spruce and alert at work.
II Gentle, athletic support is provided by
I 1116 Hanesknit Crotch-Guard, with its con
' venient buttonless fly-front. The crotch is
HANES wider . . . and won't bind. The all-round
crotch-gwaid Lastex waistband follows every movement
SPORTS you make ... yet stays trimly in place. * I
_ _ _ _ HANES Crotch-Guard Sports and a HANES
7tC t ||C Undershirt make a perfect sports-team. See
V J AND W W Y° M iIANES Dealer today.
(illuttrrted above)
HANES CROTCH-GUARD BROADCLOTH SHORTS
P. H. HANES KNITTING COMPANY
WINSTON-SALEM, NORTH CAROLINA *" d "
[ i not ta n our nxnuT btori foe MfffAg I
I; BINES UNDERWEAR fflig !
SYDNOR-SPAINHOUR j
I ELKJN, N. C. (
ELKIN'S QUALITY STORE SELLS
HANES UNDERWEAR
'SIT The Men's Shop .^1
Wonder how I can get in touch
with him?"
We pointed to the telephone on
a nearby desk and suggested he
call the general, charges reversed.
But about that time Mr. Harris
had another idea about some
thing else, and, not wishing to
bother with more than one idea
at a time, he didn't call the
French general.
If Hitler wins the war you will
know who to blame.
Mr. Ford says he can build 1,-
000 airplanes a day if the govern
ment wyi not do any meddling
around, and chances are he can
do it, too. Wouldn't Kbe fine if
Mr. Ford could have a second as
sembly line beside the one for
planes, upon which crack pilots
could be turned out. If they
could start with the legs, add on
some hips, then the upper torso,
then the arms, neck and head,
everything would be just lovely.
As each plane came off -the line,
a pilot would be on hand to man
it.
If and when America should
get into the war, we are going to
be awfully worried about Ott
Laffoon, our local boy wonder
with a monkey wrench. If Ott
was put in the artillery, chances
are when it was needed, it would
be found Ott had taken it all to
THE ELKIN TRIBUNE, ELKIN, NORTH CAROLINA
pieces to fix it. If he was assign
ed to a tank, he'd probably have
the tank in a hundred pieces just
when it was needed most. For he
is a young man with a deep and
abiding interest as to what goes
on inside a machine.
Still, he must be given credit.
You can depend on it that once
Ott has taken a machine down
and fixed it, it will in nearly ev
ery case run almost as good as
before he started tinkering.
Oh, well, maybe if it were pos
sible for him to get hold of Hitler
he would take him apart. And
we can guarantee that once he
got him back together again Hit
ler would never be the same.
Mussolini has been on the brink
of entering the war for so long
(don't blame us if he is already in
it when you read this), that we
don't figure it possible for him to
get any closer. Yet every day the
news points out "Italy on verge
of war." What we want to know
is how wide is a verge and how
long is a brink?
Mussolini reminds us of a buz
zard who is sitting on a limb
waiting for some wounded "crea
ture to die. When he speaks of
the "glorious destiny" of the
Italian people, we wonder what
he thinks is glorious about jump
ing in for the kill. Anyone could
do that. But from what we have
read, Prance and England, al
though hard pressed by Germany,
are not worrying much about
whether Italy gets in or stays out.
They say the Italian army has a
way of "advancing to the rear,"
anyway.
We were reading just the other
day that Italy, in World War I,
was more of a liability to the
Allies than she was a help. In
those days Italy also had an al
liance with Germany and Aus
tria-Hungary, called the "Triple
Alliance." But her buzzard-like
qualities at that time too caused
her to join in with the Allies
when it appeared likely the Allies
would win the war.
We read a squib somewhere or
other which remarked that
Italian students had been parad
ing and shouting "On to war and
glory." It likened this to a pa
rade of turkeys shouting "On to
a jolly Thanksgiving day."
Please don't any of you good
folks go and tell Mussolini we've
been saying nasty things about
him, because when he and Hitler
invade the United States he's
liable to look us up. We under
stand Hitler has a fifth column
out looking for us now.
r Speaking of war and things,
t during the first World War, be
-3 fore the United States got into it,
j a bunch of Hillsboro folks were
} loafing around in the corner
fancy grocery discussing the
- fighting. Each one expressed his
opinion about this and that. That
is, all but one fellow. He just lis
tened. Then, during a brief lull
in the conversation, he spoke.
"Gentlemen," he said, "I'll grant
you there's been some fierce
fighting so far. But you haven't
seen anything compared to what
' will happen when England and
Great Britain lock horns!"
Which was sort of like the re
ported conversation of two Stokes
county men. "That feller Hitler's
a mean man," one of them said.
"He sure is," replied t'other fel
low, "and so is this guy Berlin!"
"Right," said the first fellow,
" —both of them oughta be run
out of the United States!"
Hot, isn't it?
| MOUNTAIN PARK
Mr. H. W. Tuell, of Hemphill,
W. Va., visited last
week-end.
Mr. Carl Cockerham, of Win
ston-Salem, visited relatives here
last Sunday.
Mrs. Etta Parks, of Zephyr, and
Mrs. Lena Dockery, of El kin, vis
ited Mrs. B. J. Snow last Sunday.
The Home Economics girls of
Mountain Park returned Satur
day from a camping trip to
White Lake. Everyone reported
a very enjoyable trip.
Mrs. A. M. Linville and family
returned Sunday from a visit to
Winston-Salem.
Rev. J. W. Calloway filled his
regular appointment at Gum Or
chard Baptist church last Sun
day.
Mr. and Mrs. Paul Cook and
son, Jerry, and Miss Inez Line
back, of Winston-Salem, visited
Mr. and Mrs. J. A. Swift last
Sunday.
Mr. and Mrs. G. W. Walters
visited relatives in Mount Airy
last Sunday.
Mr. and Mrs. Doyle Key, of
State Road, visited Mrs. H. W.
Tuell last Sunday.
GREATER
United States exports to Soviet
Russia in the first seven months
of the war have been 81 per cent,
greater than in the equivalent
period in 1938-39, according to
the U. S. Commerce Department.
TOBACCO FACES
REAL TROUBLE
Cotton, Too, Is Great Export
Crop in Which Farmers
Are Interested
LOSS MAY BE OFFSET
Cotton and tobacco are two
great export crops in which North
Carolina farmers are vitally in
terested and, according to experts
of the United States Department
of Agriculture, those farmers who
produce crops of which a sub
stantial portion go for export are
going to be in trouble this fall.
This makes it absolutely nec
essary that the three-point Ag
ricultural Extension program of
(1), food for man and beast; (2),
a more fertile soil, and (3), a bal
ancing of cash crops with live
stock be widely adopted in the
State.
Right now, the Nation is mov
ing as fast as it can in organiz
ing towards a defense program to
protect this country against on
slaughts and conquests of total
itarian nations. State College is
aiding in this program as its fa
cilities permit and while the Na
tion attempts to put idle men,
money and factories to work to
produce the needed munitions of
war, the College Extension Ser
vice is calling upon its county
agents, specialists and other
trained experts to foster the pro
duction and conservation of all
kinds of food and feedstuffs.
It is, of course, expected that
the preparedness program will
eventually make up for the loss of
foreign markets for farm pro
duce, but as Secretary Wallace
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LYRIC THEATRE ——■
has pointed out, until the pre
paredness program is sufficient
ly underway to have this effect,
farmers should be careful that
they are not the victims of the
war's interference with world
trade. In other words, college
officials believe that security for
North Carolina farmers lies in
the definite adoption of a safe
farming program and it is not yet
Good News for Women
Every day women are finding their
headaches, nervousness, cramp-like
pains, other symptoms of functional
dysmenorrhea due to malnutrition
are helped by CARDUI. Main way
it usually helps is by increasing
appetite and flow of gastric juice;
so aiding digestion, helping build
up users. Periodic distress is also
eased for many who take CARDUI
a few days before and during "the
time." Women have used CARDUI
for more than 50 years I
HOLSUM
too late to plant additional food
and feed crops to be saved for
use on the farm no matter what
happens.
Every farmer in North Carolina
*_'• -i VfcV> ifM _ fit Aa yoM roll across America by Greytiond
.- r:JJT\ U' Mfr •• Wo/ld's Fair or Anywh«»«l
\lf 'y/SL Sampto Round-Trip taw a.
wIP/f-ir t Norfolk $7.50 Boone $2,20
\WkWilmington .... 6.85 Detroit 16.15
W h New York 13.70 Nat. Brdg., Va. 6.05
IKiw Wash., D. C. .. 8.30 Circle Tour of
mmkSß Asheville 4.25 America 69.95
GREYHOUND TERMINAL
k Market and Bridge Phone 170
OREYHOUNE
iBMifiHKMHi UN MM
Thursday, June 13, 1940
should give this matter serious
consideration at once and be
prepared on his own farm to de
fend his family against economic
disaster.