Perspective
Remote Control Woman
It's her other half again. I'm
back by popular demand, and
this column is especially for the
men out there today.
f EASTERN
ECHOES
Cft GML RQ6E.RS0M |
The other night I was sitting in
front of the TV with the remote
control in my hand, watching her
pace back and forth with a blank
piece of paper in hers. I couldn't
help but think about something
as I watched her wearing a hole
in my carpet.
Have you ever given much con
sideration to putting a remote
control on your wife? Well, I'll
give you single guys out there a
good piece of advice. Listen up
fellas. When you finally decide to
pick one out, always ask.. ."does
she come with remote control?"
If she doesn't... forget it.
Sitting here flipping this tele
vision from one channel to an
other and making all the adjust
ments by hand without ever
leaving my worn-out chair... well,
it makes a man get to thinking.
I wish I had a remote control
on my wife sometimes. Then, for
once, I'd be in control. When I got
tired of what she was talking
about, I could just change chan
nels. When I got tired of her talk
ing altogether, I could just hit the
mute botton for some peace and
quiet. And, if I really got ticked
off, I could just place my finger
on this one little particular but
too.. .push slightly, and turn her
off completely.
I mean.. .have you EVER tried
to set the controls on a woman?
Well, if you have, you deserve
some kind of combat medal. But,
when you've got that little box in
your hand, you're in complete
control. However, don't fool
yourself, cause that's the ONLY
time.
You can turn the volume up or
down or off entirely. You can
skip around until you find some
thing worth listening to or
looking at. You can have a whole
lot to things going at once and en
joy every one of them. You're in
control. You get to mash the but
tons. You get to enjoy your mas
culine ego.. .all by yourself.
And fellas, it's a whole lot eas
ier to fix a television than to
make adjustments to a woman.
When a woman gets out of work
ing order... she OUT. Period.
Paragraph. She'll come around
in her own good time. You may
as well save your energies and
your money. Nobody will move
her until she gets good and re
ady.
When the TV gets into a state of
static, you can just load it up and
take it to town. When it blows a
tube, you can load it up and take
it to town. But, a woman... well,
you don't load her up and take
her anywhere, ESPECIALLY to
town.
Most women spend a lot of
money when they have a case of
static. They shop to get rid of the
blues. And they usually shop with
YQUR money. It's always been
interesting to me that my money
is "ours" and her money is
"hers." I've never figured that
one out. Have you?
And, it's a whole lot cheaper to
trade in. a TV than a wife. You
can get yourself a new wife,
that's a fact, but you'll still be
payng for the old one until your
hair drops out. You can leave
that old TV right in that store and
come home with a new one with
no more worries about the one
you left behind. But a wom
an.. .well, you can never just
leave her somewhere and forget
her. She'll haunt you forever. On
purpose. One way or the other.
Sometimes my TV reception
comes across a bit fuzzy. But I
can take it. Eventually it'll clear
itself up. Compared to a wom
an... I can take it. A woman is
NEVER clear. The water stays
muddy all the time, even on good
days.
My TV stays the same size and
shape. It doesn't change moods
on me or get wider and sag. It's
nice and firm, and sturdy. Just
the way I picked it out years ago.
Exactly the same as I bargained
for in the beginning.
I sure do like pushing those
little buttons all the time. It
really does make a man feel sure
of himself. Confident. In charge.
On top of it all. Powerful. In defi
nite control.
But, I've got to go now. This
column has generated a few
ideas of my own. Somehow,
I'm going to figure out how to put
a remote control on that wom
an... one of these days.
Farmers must
meet demands
There is an old expression that
goes something like "You don't
bite the hand that feeds you."
I'm going to violate that rule and
comment on the problems many
farmers face today. As we all
know, farming is a very impor
tant part of our local economy,
and when the farmers have prob
lems, we are all affected in some
way or another.
Much has been said recently
about possible foreclosure pro
ceedings against farmers that
are behind on payments of their
loans with the Farmers Home
Administration. The most lenient
lender of all times, faced with
pressure from higher-ups, is get
ting a bit tougher on those who
don't pay their loan payments on
time, or in some cases, not at all.
They should have done so long
ago. No other lender would have
allowed borrowers to be as lax in
repaying loans as the FmHA has
beat. Even so, there will be
screams from farmers and re
lated groups. Some agriculture
experts are warning that thou
sands of farmers will be put out
of business.
Larry Godwin, Fanners Home
state director says this isn't so.
Those who receive warning let
ters will be given 30 days to re
spond, and will be given a variety
of options for reducing their debt.
Only those who fail to respond to
the letters will face foreclosure
proceedings.
That's fair enough. For too
many years, the taxpayer has
subsidized the farm industry, en
couraging some farmers to over
spend and grow much larger
than they could afford to be. A
recently enacted farm bill, over
the objections of many who have
the foresight to see the future,
will provide an estimated $70 bil
lion additional in funding to sup
part term programs over the
nast five years. Because of politi
cal pressures, a bill that was
originally designed to push
American agriculture toward a
ren't willing to ac
cept the fact that the small I
i* term as we now I
coming a thing of the past. In
order to meet growing worldwide
competition, farmers are going
to have to begin producing in
quantities designed to meet real
need. In certain areas of agricul
ture in this country, we have too
many farmers producing too
much of the same thing. If supply
can be brought closer to demand,
food prices will rise and those
farmers that survive will make a
decent living.
The bargin we have enjoyed in
food purchasing is actually cost
ing us more than we pay at the
checkout line.
Though prices have been kept
reasonably low at the consumer
level, the cost of government pro
grams to support low prices has
been enormous. We've been rob
bing "Peter to pay Paul" and
that's not good business.
It's time we began taking a
more realistic look at the costs of
government involvement in agri
culture. And it's time we re
quired those farmers who are be
hind on their obligations to pay
up. A new attitude is needed to
move American agriculture to
ward a profitable future, and it is
not too early to start.
As agriculture moves toward a
sounder system for producers,
those of us on the receiving end
can expect food prices to in'
crease. While most people would
like to see the family farm pre
served, few want to pay higher
prices for food. We feel food
prices are high enough, even
though we don't blame the
farmer. We blame the govern
ment and the middleman, and
many others with limited in
volvement. We believe most
fanners are honest, hard-work
ing individuals. We have a hard
time understanding the money
involved in farming and can't
identify with borrowing thou
sands of dollars to plant crops.
We don't think government
should treat farmers any differ
ent than other businesses, and
while we would like to see the
small farmer survive, we want
them to do it without government
involvement.
When all is said and done,
American agriculture will find
its safest existence in a system of
supply and demand, free of gov
ernment involvement. As this
happens, many small farmers
won't be able to compete, and the
will cease to
tainly a sad
prepared we are, the
A new carpet?
No, it's her wall to wall clothes .
Reputations reflect individual views
Reputation depends on view
point. To his king, George Car
teret was a faithful subject and a
true friend; to Oliver Cromwell
he was a traitor and a pirate.
Carteret was born on Jersey,
an island in the English Channel,
early in the seventeenth century.
The sea called him and he served
long in the royal navy. By 1639 he
was comptroller of the navy.
In 1643 he became bailiff and
soon after lieutenant governor of
Jersey. The English Civil War
was then in progress and Car
teret remained loyal to the
crown. He supplied arms and
munitions for royal forces and
held his island against the parlia
mentary enemy. His intercep
tions of parliamentary supply
vessels lead to his being declared
a pirate.
In his flight from England the
Prince of Whales (the future
King Charles II) too, refuge with
Carteret in 1646. Carteret va
cated his own home to furnish
quarters for the royal exiles,
earning the princely promise
that "if God bless me you shall
find I do remember (your kind
nesses) to the advantage of you
and yours."
Carteret and his royal strong
hold (the prince having left for
France) held out against a par
liamentary siege for three
months before surrendering to
superior firepower in December
1651. He then fled to France.
With the restoration of the
monarchy in 1660 Carteret be
came a leader in government. He
served as privy councillor, trea
surer of the navy, vice Chamber
lain of the household, and com
missioner of the admiraltly.
Carteret was also appointed a
member of the committee of
trade plantations, which oversaw
matters relating to England's
colonies. This inside position
gave Carterety an advantage in
several enterprizes of his own.
He became one of the Lords Pro
prietors of Carolina in 1663 and a
proprietor of New Jersey the fol
lowing year. He was also in
volved with the Hudson's Bay
Company.
One of the problems hindering
the early growth of Carolina was
that its affairs were in the hands
of the proprietors, who were of
ten too heavily engaged in other
matters to take much thought for
their few subjects around Albe
marle Sound. Carteret was no ex
ception, as his attention was
given to charges of errors in na
val accounts while he was trea
surer. Although no fault was
found by investigators as far as
be was involved, Carteret was in
volved, Carteret was nonetheless
convicted by Parliament (politi
cally motivated no doubt) and re
moved from the office.
Carteret died in January, 1680,
shortly before a peerage was
fully bestowed upon him. His :
share of Carolina fell to a grand- .
son. The Carteret name would
survive in a North Carolina ?
county.
(Part 8 next week.)
Carolina fan
feeds her ego
(Staff's Note? For reasons un
known to us, our editor is refus
ing to write her weekly column
today. For lack of better things to
put in this spot, we are featuring
a letter written by Mrs. Becky
Boynton of the Beach Springs
community.)
To The Editor:
Ah, Sweet Revenge. Reference
to your column of November 27,
1965, when you really gave us
staunch Tarheel Fans a tongue
lashing after Duke beat Carolina
in Chapel Hill. Never mind that
that was football and this is bas
ketball, a Carolina fan is a Caro
lina fan is a Carolina fan!
Did Carolina give Duke more
than it could handle on Saturday,
or what? From graciously allow
ing Alarie to score the first points
ever in the new Dean Dome
(NOT Jim Valvano as previously
rumored), to letting Duke lead
by several points most of the first
half, to folding out Hale, Martin :
and Wolf in the last few minutes
so as not to pad the final score, :
Dean Smith sent Duke back to ;
Durham licking its wounds in de
feat. Oh, be still my heart!
Two great teams played a
great game. But for now, we Tar- ;
heel fans are in Blue Heaven sit- ;
ting on our self-made pedestals
and gloating. And so it is.. ..until
the next time.
Cordially
Becky Boynton
P.S. Keep up the good work! !
Dear Friends,
I DONT WANT TO TALK.
ABOUT IT!
Jane
Letters to the Editor
Letter To The Editor
Perquimans Weekly,
Just recently a big im
provement was made in Perqui
manms County. All the trash and
fifth on County Road 1214 was
hauled away. It looks like a dif
ferent place for which I'm very
thankful. However I fed like our
tax money was foolishly spent on
this project unless people are
going to take (vide in how our
county looks and begin to use the
trash boxes and landfil that is
provided for our trash.
Thanks to whomever was re
sponsible for this clean-up. It was
a job long over due. I hope every
one will cooperate and take their
trash to the proper places and
help keep one of our few remain
ing dirt roads clean and a place
we can be proud of.
Thanks again for a well done
clean-up job.
Sincerely,
Sibyl J. Wlnslow
Belvidere, N.C.
that I am seeking. Census re
cords indicate that a James Col
lins lived in your county in the
early 1800s ; I am curious to know
if he could be my great-great
grandfather, who was born in
North Carolina 1783 (maybe
1793). I think that he may have
had a first wife named Rachel.
He and Cynthia (born in 1821,
probably his second wife), had
the following children: Katie, Ce
lia, Issac, James (1843), Jasper
nnii Liza.
I believe that this family
moved to the Greenville, Tennes
see area about 1845, when my
great-grandfather James (1843
1983) was a small boy. He mar
ried Rebecca SeUca Davis in
1886. Their children were Joseph,
Elizabeth, Jasper, John, An
drew, Samuel Anderson (my
grandfather, born 1880), Lather,
David, and Ida Bell.
I would like very modi to know
what part of North Carolina that
great-great grandfather James
came (ran and the mother coun
try from which his father or
grandfather hailed
I am told that the Collins' of
Western North Carolina and
Eastern Tennessee an puire En
gtah, but kaowtag tbat maay
Collins' hail from Ireland, I
would at the least like to confirm
England as the country of my
heritage, regardless of whether I
ever am able to pinpoint the city
or county where my family tree
originated.
Whatever information one of
your readers could provide for
me, I would be truly grateful.
Thank you in advance for your
cooperation.
Sincerely,
Ray Collins
3530 Plum Creek Drive
St. Cloud, MN 56301
THE
PERQUIMANS WEEKU"
Established In 1932
A DEAR PUBLICATION
Publtehad Each Thursday By Advanca Publication* Inc. Elizabeth City, NX.
Second Oast Pcntog* Paid at Hartford, N.C. 27944 USPS 4W4M0
Jan# B. William
Nancy Smitli Debbw T. StaUinp
Mvwtisinf Manaftr Circulation Managtr
ONE YEAR MAIL SUBSCRIPTION RATES
In-County Out-Of-County
?J" '10."
119 West Grubb Street
P.O. Box 277
Hertford, N.C. 27944
North Carolina Prwi Association