The Charlotte Jewish News - September, 1996 - Page 3
Marcia Stern Savors New Yearns Approach
By Cynthia Chapman
For Marcia Stem this High
Holiday season brings with it a
special sweetness. She is alive and
she will be able to spend the Days
of Awe in Charlotte with her fami
ly and friends. She will be in
Temple Israel, where she and her
husband Ken have been members
since moving to Charlotte 15 years
ago, just as she has on other Rosh
Hashanahs and Yom Kippurs.
She will see the friends she’s
made over the years in Sisteiiiood,
B’nai B’rith Women, ORT,
Hadassah and the Federation. So
why is this New Year sweeter than
the others? Because she is alive
and filled with awe at the miracu
lous process of life as she and her
family have lived it over the past
two years.
Two years ago, life was nor
mal. She was busy, involved in the
community and temple, worldng
full-time at Nationsbf^ Mortgage
Corporation and planning her son
Jonathw’s Bar Mitzvah. Sure, she
didn’t always feel so well—some
dizziness, weight loss—but that
wasn’t enough to slow her down.
Those were the symptoms a per
son could get for a number of rea
sons. She just kept going like
always. She saw herself as “too
busy to be sick.” She’d been to the
doctor, low hemoglobin, he’d said.
The weekend of Jonathan’s
Bar Mitzvah arrived. She and Ken
were busy with logistics and fami
ly. Their daughters Lauren and
IGmberly were wrapped up in the
family event. But the sore on her
foot still hadn’t healed and as the
weekend continued, it got worse.
Relatives were still in town, there
were things to do, but the problem
with her foot wouldn’t go away.
Finally, she went to the doctor. In
the emei^ency room the doctor
found out her spleen was enlarged.
She began to understand she
was sicker than she’d thought.
The next day, she began the
morning by worrying that she
might lose her foot. But soon that
fear changed to a greater one.
When the doctor told her she had
chronic myologenous leukemia,
she was afraid she would lose her
life. She thought about her grand
father; he had died of leukemia.
But “I’m too young to die!” she
thought.
Suddenly, nothing was nor
mal anymore. The U^scendent,
joyous experience of seeing
Jonathan’s Bar Mitzvah was con-
u^ted with the shock of her diag
nosis. Ken had to tell the children
and the relatives still in town who
had come to share their simcha,
their joy. Now, it was also time to
share their pain, their tsuris.
The medical experts gave her
a window of three to five years left
nser?
ram
lanan
»nnm
to live. Oral chemotherapy was
started immediately.
But just as friends had shared
the joy of Jonathan’s Bar Mitzvah,
they shared the pain of her battle.
They rallied around her. Her com
munity of friends in Charlotte sup
ported her. They cleaned her
house, did her laundry, brought
meals, took her to the doctor; they
did it all, whatever needed to be
done. The meaning of conununity
became clear; for Marcia Stem and
her family. The Charlotte Jewish
community is their extended fami
ly. Without the support of such
friends, who did so many mitzvahs
for her, she is sure she would not
have survived to see the coming
New Year.
Marcia’s face lights up, radi
ant, when she talks about the gift
of support and friendship she got
from the community. She glows,
brighter than a havdalah candle
against the darkness. But the dark
ness is still there. As she puts it, a
temiinal diagnosis puts a curtain
between you and the world. Her
illness and all that came with it—
the loss of her job, her health, fear
of death, a special loneliness
because you have a terminal ill
ness—were enough to extinguish
hope. But, she told herself,
“choose life” as the Torah tells us.
She chose not to give up. She
chose not to withdraw. She began
to learn all she could about CML,
her disease. She wanted to help
herself, her family, her friends and
community understand the disease
and what could be done to con
front its assault. It became clear
that a bone marrow transplant was
the only real chance of a cure. She
thought of Hillel’s famous words,
if not now, when, and became
impassioned with a mission. It
gave her focus and strength. It
gave her family focus and
strength. She became determined
to teach people about CML and
bone marrow transplants. She
helped organize bone marrow dri
ves. Because of her efforts and the
efforts of others, 3,000-4.000 peo
ple in the Charlotte and Carolinas
area decided to be typed as mar
row donors. That means there is a
potential for each one of those
donors to save a life. As it says in
the Talmud, if you save one life, it
is as if you have saved the world.
All the while, she sought a
donor for herself. Her odds of find
ing a donor were somewhere
between 1 in 20,000 and 1 in a mil
lion. Bone marrow matches are
genetic; six out of six antigens
must match or the donation will be
rejected by the body. Even her two
sisters and mother couldn’t be
donors. Who can explain the mira
cle of a genetic match? It is,
according to Marcia, one of the
mysteries in the universe.
All the while, her leukemia
progressed. Her white count was
unstable. She was on Interferon.
But then, a miracle happened.
John Sinni of Southbridge,
Massachusetts, a complete
stranger to her, turned out to be the
perfect match for her. He’s not
Jewish. Her family’s roots are
Eastem European. She doesn’t
know about his. How can this be,
that a complete stranger has the
gift of a genetic match that can
save your life? Marcia can’t
explain it, but she understands that
bone marrow matches transcend
boundaries. Race and religion fall
away, ethnicity and family fall
away—all that’s left is the miracle
of a process that saves a life and
links two people together in a
unique bond.
On April 21, 1994 John
Sinni’s bone marrow became part
of her. The gift was anonymous;
donors and recipients do not begin
by knowing each other’s names.
According to Maimonides, this is
one of the highest levels of charity,
the giver and receiver do not know
each other. Marcia sent her donor a
silver Chai on a chain and wrote a
letter to explain its meaning—life.
Her friends continued to sup
port her emotionally. She got hun
dreds of cards from well-wishers,
some from complete strangers
across the Carolinas who had
heard her story. She’s kept them
all. Marcia Stem believes the com
munity “created the pieces of the
puzzle of her healing.” What she
and her family have experienced in
the last two years has “renewed”
her faith in human nature.
Don’t be fooled. Marcia is not
cured yet. She still deals daily with
medical problems. Her weaJkened
immune system last year forced
her to miss High Holidays in tem
ple with family and friends. That is
why this year has a special sweet
ness, with each moment of life
savored like a drop of honey. And,
like a honey cake at Rosh
Hashanah, there is a special treat
for her family this year. They got
to meet John Sinni, her marrow
donor, in August. He arrived the
Marcia Stem
weekend of August 15 and her
children were excited about meet
ing him. Her daughter Kimberly
told him on the phone, “Thank you
for marrowing my mother!”
Thank you, indeed, John
Sinni. Thank you for giving
Marcia Stem’s friends and family
the chance to have her here in our
lives a little longer. The loss of one
in our community is a loss to us
all. And, Marcia, thank you for
sharing your story, and your life,
with us.
Our liturgy for the Days of
Awe is dramatic. G-d opens the
Book of Life, we read, and knows
who will perish in the coming year
by flood, by fu«, and we could
amend the list with categories of
our own. Most of the time, we read
those phrases and don’t think
much about them. This year,
Marcia, we will think of you and
others we know who continue to
stmggle against serious illness.
May we all be inscribed for a
year of blessings and vitality.
L’shana tova tikatevu.
Candle Lighting
Times in
September
September 6
7:25 pm Shabbat
•
September 13
7:15 pm Shabbat/Erev
mResb
September 20
7:08 pm Shabbat
•
September 22
7:20 pm Erev Yom
Kippur
•
September 27
6:58 pm Shabbat/Erev
Sukkot
•
September 28
7:56 pm Sukkot
raros
The Annualjewish
Community Service
The Annual Jewish
Community Service will be
held at the Hebrew Cemeteiy
on McCall Street in
Charlotte at 2:00 pm on
September 8. The communi
ty is invited to attend.
ANNLANGMAN
“Serving your real estate
needs since 1972”
Multi Million Dollar Producer
6618 Fairview Rd.
Charlotte, NC 28210
364-6400(0) 364-1691 (H)
Our Best Wishes
For A Happy
And Healthy
New Year
Sandra, Leon & Amy Levine
• Estate and Personal nnandal Planning
• Group Medical and life ProgramB
• Individual Life, Disability and Health Insurance
• ProAt Sharing and 401(10 Retirement Plans
John Sinni and famHy.
126 Cottage Place
576-74M