The Charlotte Jewish News - December 2014 - Page 8
Community News
Preplanning is a Gift to Your Loved Ones
By Kelly Reed Keeling
Recently my step-sister died. I
travelled across the country to be
with her when the doctors sug
gested she opt for home hospice.
I was there in her final hours,
along with her husband and
friends, at her home, to provide
care and to hold her hand. She was
only 50 years old. She had been
extremely sick for over a year, and
she was in a lot of pain. Her pass
ing did not come as a surprise. But
what did surprise me was, the
morning she died, the nurse
thought she would live another
two to three weeks. Furthermore,
her husband did not know her
final wishes for burial. They had
not discussed it. I was stunned.
How many times does this sce
nario play out with families? How
many discussions do we mean to
have about end-of-life decisions,
but avoid? The whole situation
with my family made me think
how fortunate the Charlotte Jew
ish community is to have an insti
tution like the Hebrew Cemetery,
a wonderful, caring person like
Sandra Goldman as its director,
and a beautiful Memorial Build
ing for smaller funerals.
The funeral provides a time for
family and friends to gather to re
member and honor the deceased
and to take a critical step in the
process of healing. A Jewish fu
neral is respectful and simple.
Yet sadly, when one does not
preplan one’s own funeral, there is
nothing simple about planning a
funeral and burial in 24 to 36
hours. Rather, a bereft spouse,
child, or friend is left, albeit with
some help, to pull together all the
details. It’s a time where emotions
and stress are at an all-time high.
This state of agitation and grief is
hardly the best one for making the
numerous decisions involved.
As the winter holidays ap
proach, many families will gather
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A few of the Levine JCC Girl Scouts
who helped with the Memorial Serv
ice, pictured in front of the former
Temple Beth El ark, now perma
nently in place in the Mindy Ellen
Levine Chapel at the Ekebrew Ceme
tery.
to spend time together. With a
great cacophony of laughter, sto
ries, and games, family reunions
offer joy and new memories. So,
too, do we note the passage of
time. Grandchildren get older, ad
vance in school, and maybe even
launch careers or start families. At
the other end of the continuum,
parents age and their children may
have to confront their parents’ de
clining capabilities.
Why let another holiday go by
without broaching the much
avoided topic, preplanning one’s
own funeral? While it may not be
in our comfort zone, there are
many benefits to preplanning be
fore the need is imminent.
1) Preplanning your funeral re
duces your loved ones’ stress at
the time of your passing. Plan
ahead. What a relief it can be to
loved ones when this discussion is
Hebrew Cemetery Board Member,
Jenny Rosenthal (right) pictured
with Patricia and Ted Johnson at the
September 28 Annual Memorial
Service and Building Dedication.
had and actions are taken to make
preplanning a reality. In a 2010
survey conducted by the National
Funeral Directors Association,
66% of adults would choose to
arrange their own funeral service,
but only 25% have already made
them, according to Jessica Koth of
the NFDA (USA Today, May 29,
2013).
2) Preplanning helps prevent
family confrontations. Decisions
that are not made in advance by
the deceased themselves have the
potential to be contested by vari
ous family members. This atmos
phere causes unnecessary
heartache.
3) Preplanning can save money.
By paying in advance, you may
pay less for plots and funeral ex
penses when you pay in current
dollars.
4) Preplanning ensures that
your wishes are recorded and hon
ored. When you fill out the pre
planning documents with the
Hebrew Cemetery, you have the
opportunity to record your wishes
for your funeral. Your funeral plan
can be as general or as detailed as
you like.
In the end, my step-sister’s hus
band created a lovely service that
honored her memory and allowed
friends and family members to
begin the healing process. He had
the benefit of time, as his tradition
allowed. Furthermore, my mother
shared some of her end-of-life
planning with me shortly after my
step-sister’s death. It was a great
relief to me, as an only child, to
know that she had put some struc
tures in place so that I will not
have to make every decision about
her funeral on my own.
So as the holidays approach,
don’t be afraid to open the door
for conversation. Preplanning
your funeral can be an easy
process that will give you and
your loved ones peace of mind.
For more information about pre
planning, making a legacy gift or
honoring your loved ones with a
memorial plaque at the Hebrew
Cemetery, please contact Sandra
Goldman at 704-576-1859 or
email director@hebrewceme-
tery.org. ^
Hebrew Cemetery
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