PAGE 12 Q-Notes ■ September 1991
Workshop for
Gay Men
Sunday,
Sept. 15
1:00-
\5:00/
aMBDA COISNECTIONS
presents two special workshops:
Self-Defense for
Lesbians & Gays
Violence against Lesbians and Gays
is a reality.
What would you do when
confronting violent situations?
The workshop will cover.
• Awareness and prevention
• Assessing violent situations
• Defensive fighting skills
• Creating safety for yourself
and others.
The workshop is being con
ducted by Safeskills Associates
Self-Protection Programs.
The fee is $35.00. Workshops
will be held at Wyndham
Garden Hotel, Tyvola Road
near the Coliseum.
There is a limited number of
spaces available each day.
For more information, call:
704*535•8435.
Please make checks payable to:
Lambda Connections
Send to:
Lambda Connections, P.O. Box
12072, Charlotte, NC 28220
Letters to the Editor
Please end Charlotte’s “bar wars”
This letter is in regard to the so called “Bar
Wars” here in Charlotte.
I’m a female impersonator of 14 years and
have entertained all over the U.S. Though T ve
never held a major title I feel I’m a talented
entertainer, but with all the bar wars here not
only is it hard to get started at a club, it is also
ridiculous that if you perform at one club you
are barred from working at another.
There are so many talented entertainers in
Charlotte, both new and old, who aren’t per
mitted to entertain where they want to.
If only all the bar owners and managers
could get together and work out a deal of some
kind, then I think all the bars could become
more profitable on the whole deal.
All 1 ask is please stop the bar wars and
let’s work together instead of against each
other to become the “top club.”
— Tommy Jay
Many thanks to the bars
As chairman of the fundraising committee
of the Charlotte Chapter/PFLAG, I would
like to express my thanks and appreciation to
the gay bars that did benefits for the chapter
this year. They are: Attitude, Brass Rail, Hide
away, Illusions, Manfreds, Oleens, Scorpio
and the Tradesmen. The proceeds from these
benefits have been used to buy books and do
a mailing of pamphlets to those who request
information aboutPFLAG, and also a mailing
of our monthly newsletter.
Again, many thanks to these nice people.
— Stokely Bailey
To be or not to be:
closeted or not?
Letters to the Editor are welcome on
any subject. Letters will be printed on a
space-available basis and should be type
written (double-spaced) and concise. All
letters should be signed and must include
the wri ter’s name, address andphone num
ber for verification. The names of letter
writers will be withheld upon request. Q-
Notes reserves the right to edit letters for
style, grammar, clarity and length.
by Stephen B. Finnan
Special to Q-Notes
Very recently, I watched a PBS program
entitled Out in America. Of all the various
comments offered by nationally known gay
activists regarding the difficulties of being
gay in our culture, the only perspective that
really made a lasting impression on me was
that of Larry Kramer. His intense anger and
frustration was focused on closeted gays —
our majority — who, in an important sense
“deny their validity.”
Several years ago, I produced and directed,
under the administrative protest of a small,
central Alabama university, Kramer’s play
The Normal Heart. Experiencing his latest
remarks reminded me of one of his play’s
central themes: all gay people must b^ome
visible; only when the invisible majority —
the millions who do not reflect the negative
stereotypes—allow themselves to be known,
can there be any success in combating the
cultural stigma. I agree with Kramer.
To be in the closet is to essentially deny
who we are and, thus, embrace the shame that
much of our culture would mount upon us.
Denying who we are reflects, to one degree or
another, self-hatred and results in dysfunc
tional acting out that guarantees unhappiness.
Yes, I know the issue is “complicated.”
‘What of my job? How can I live if my family
disowns me?’ Just what are you losing if your
family finds you impossible to love knowing
you are gay? If they are “loving” you outside
of that awareness, they are not loving the real
you anyway, only an act. And, if millions
were out of the closet, there would be enforce
able federal and state laws to protect against
discrimination based on sexud orientation.
Having gone through much difficulty re
laxing into my present “comfort” as an openly
gay man, I am hardly unaware of problems
involved with processing out of self-hatred.
We are consistently reminded of our culture’s
homophobia. And, whether we like to admit
it or not, most of us were conditioned into this
homophobic perspective. Thus, upon the dis
covery that we were gay, began to experience
internalized homophobia—we were one of
“those” kind: despicable, perverted, etc. In
addition, many of us were raised within a
dysfunctional f^amily — a system that taught
us that we were unlovable innately, that firmly
implanted low self esteem where we were
helpless, vulnerable children.
This issue of ending closetedness is very
difficult, is overwhelming to most of us.
However, we are not stuck — we require
appropriate support: attending gay affirma
tion groups, working with a specialized thera
pist who relates to gay issues, doing purpose
ful reading, seeking out ACOA groups if we
were raised in dysfunction, etc., etc. It’s all
about self-loving. By committing to and pro
cessing through appropriate behavior modi
fication techniques, self-love is within our
reach.
I do know that, as I have become at ease
with myself, loving myself, the people around
me (family, straight friends, colleagues and
even neighbors) are, with rare exception, also
at ease. Because of the truthful security that I
project, I simply give them no other choice. If
they should elect to be tense, it’s their trip and
I would refuse to participate. All of us are
truly responsible for our own choices, for our
lives. If we choose to deny the core of who we
are, why are we living? Money? Power?
Community respect? If you are not peaceful
within yourself, you are only going through
the motions of being alive and no amount of
anything external will rid you of your empti
ness.
Stephen B. Finnan resides in Wilmington.
He teaches acting privately and occasionally
produces and directs theatre geared for spe
cial interest groups. He is involved in gay
community service work—facilitating ACOA
groups, doing public speaking, volunteer
counseling and various committee work.
JLUL-JUJL-ILUI—ILUL—ILIII ULi UJLJlill HAJ—HA*
Air® (IEIIIV amiMlbtJxilj ipoDsMSw)?
A Research Study is being conducted at UNC-Chapel Hill to examine the role of stress on the immune
system for people at risk for getting AIDS.
Who Qualifies?
Gay or Bisexual Men
HIV+ or HIV-
No symptoms related to HIV*
Not on any antivirals (e.g., AZT)*
18-50 years old
*upon entry into the study
Benefits:
$175.00 for 2 day/night visit
Free medical exams
Free blood tests (including T-4 cell)
Access to all medical and lab results
Referrals to resources
All information kept strictly confidential. If you meet all of the criteria listed, you may be eligible for
this research study. Call (919) 966-6001 or (919) 966-5478 collect for more information.
You can help make a difference in the fight against AIDS.
Him Ml um JLAJ HJU MJ—BJLP—