PAGE 20 Q-Notes T October 1995
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Tom Briggs
Continued from page 13
knocked me out for the intubation. When I
woke, I felt like I was suffocating. I didn’t feel
like I was getting enough air. I couldn’t take
a deep breath or even a normal breath. The
machine was breathing much too shallow for
me. And there was no way to communicate
this to the doctors and nurses!
What in heavens name did you do?
They could see that I was panicking. I
guess that’s a normal reaction when some
body shoves a tube down your throat. Alarms
measuring heartbeat and blood pressure —
and whatever other body indicators — went
off. They sedated me with morphine. Then,
one time, as my eyes bulged from my head
and terror reigned on my face, and alarms
threatened apocalypse, a very sweet Filipino
nurse named Stepha leaned over my bed and
yelled “Just relax, Tom” several times. Some
how, the next time I came to I remembered her
words. I decided that I was getting nowhere
by letting the machines and morphine dictate
my state of consciousness, so I relaxed. It
sounds like an easy and logical conclusion but
logic is only relative to one’s ability to respire.
How did you tell them that you felt like
you were suRbcating? Or could you?
They came up with a method of communi
cation. It was long and tedious, but it worked,
and I had nothing but time. They made an
alphabet board. A nurse or friend would hold
the board and point to each letter staring with
“A.” They would watch for the subtle shrug
of my shoulders when they hit the letter I
wanted.
Had you kuowu up to uow that you had
HIV?
At the onset of the syndrome, I didn’t
know. The doctor had taken blood but the
results didn’t come in until after I was on the
respirator. They took spinal fluid, though,
and that’s when they found the HIV. I was
told that I was HIV positive just before I was
intubated.
That must have beeu a powerful experi-
euce.
It was a powerful laxative. I immediately
asked for a bedpan. It seemed that everything
I had inside of me came out convulsively. I
turned as white as the sheets, and that’s no
exaggeration. After the nurses cleaned me
up, I asked the doctor for five minutes alone
with my lover. I made a very abbreviated life
confession to my lover and told him how
much I loved him. That was all there was time
for. Then the nurse came in and administered
the morphine for the procedure.
It must have been a nightmare.
Actually the nightmare subsided after about
a week.
How so? ■
Well, I had a very powerful spiritual en
counter —kind of a rendezvous with eternity.
What do you mean?
I had an experience of a higher entity, an
elevated consciousness, God, if you will.
You mean God spoke with you?
In simplified terms, yes.
Are you bom again?
Not at all.
What did God say?
Many things. I was told this paralysis was
here for me to heal. I was receiving a healing.
I learned that we are all in a continual process
of healing.
What does God sound like?
Well, first. I’m not completely comfort
able with us using the word “God” here. I’m
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not trying to identify “God” for you. There is
too much subjectivity connected with that
word. I was simply aware of a very powerful
benevolent presence. The voice made no
sound, it simply communicated ideas to me.
The ideas were very clear, though, much
more clear than words. It was like being
directly connected to the telephone line of the
universe — no earpiece or speaker. Just very
articulate, explicit information and a very
joyful feeling.
So, here you are, completely paralyzed
from head to toe, having a powerful spiri
tual experience. Did you heal? Is there any
medical treatment for Guillain-Barre Syn
drome? You looklike everything operates.
There is no known treatment for the cause
of Guillain-Barre Syndrome. It’s difficult to
even diagnose because there is no known
microbe floating around in the body that sci
ence can detect. There is a treatment that is
experimental which some medical research
ers believe may have an affect on the condi
tion. It is called plasmapheresis. It’s a proce
dure during which one’s blood is continu
ously removed from the body, filtered and
then sent back into the body. If given early,
paralysis may disappear earlier than if no
plasmapheresis was done. A Hickman cath
eter is implanted for the purpose of the treat
ment. Each treatment takes about two and a
half hours. They did eight of these on me.
Did it have an affect on you?
We don’t know for sure, but between what
ever the doctors did and whatever the rest of
the universe did, I have recovered quite well.
Was there any lingering effect?
Yes. Certain small muscles, especially in
my face don’t work 100 percent. Also, my
vocal cords were traumatized from the
intubation.
It sounds as though your singing ability
was affected.
Yes. All of the components for singing—
the lungs, the cords, the face muscles—were
affected. I worked with a vocal coach for
several months following my release from the
hospital. I still go to aerobics classes about
four times a week to strengthen my lungs. I
believed that my voice would come back in a
few months, but even now after five years I
still need vocal exercise.
Tell me about “Moonlight,” the song.
“Moonlight” is a fantasy that came to me.
In a metaphysical sense, it is very real. It tells
the story of how my life has been. I feel that
probably everyone has this same feeling that
I’m trying to describe. It’s the feeling of one
perfect night, of a perfect sharing of love.
And then it goes away. Either by your lover
leaving or the two of you being separated by
fate or for some reason but nothing ever
seems to replace the feeling of that one expe
rience. Even if you are lucky enough to live
a lifetime with your perfect love, it seems that
you can’t duplicate the love you shared dur
ing your innocence.
What about your next CD? It’s called
Rescue Me. What is that about?
RescueMe speaks of the longing between
two worlds — this one and the life beyond
what we know.
You want to be rescued from this world?
I think we all do. In life, we are all moving
toward a perfect destiny. And we long for it.
Most of us recognize the longing, but we
don’t identify it as a longing for our ultimate
perfect destiny. But we all feel the pull in our
solar plexus.
I wish you the very best with Moonlight.
It’s a beautiful album.
Thank you.
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TOMORROW'S GAY AND
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