Newspapers / Q-notes (Charlotte, N.C.) / April 17, 1999, edition 1 / Page 13
Part of Q-notes (Charlotte, N.C.) / About this page
This page has errors
The date, title, or page description is wrong
This page has harmful content
This page contains sensitive or offensive material
i the art of meeting women Small talk by Rhona Sacks Special to Q-Notes All relationships start with small talk; it’s the first step toward getting to know someone. Small talk is simply a prop for starting a con versation; the substance of the conversation isn’t as important as the act of conversing. The best small talk centers on non-threatening topics like the immediate surroundings, a shared experi ence or common knowledge. Meeting some one new can throw us emotionally off-balance; we may feel anxious. Talking about innocuous things like the food, party or weather helps us regain our emotional balance. Through small talk, we are able to warm up to each other and feel more at ease. Small talk isn’t supposed to be brilliant, only relaxing and engaging. Don’t worry about try ing to impress a woman with a profound re mark. A pleasant comment, question or com pliment is all you need to draw her into a dia logue with you. To get the most of a casual con versation, fully participate in it. Commit to being thoroughly involved in a discussion, even if it lasts only a few minutes. Small talking is a vital tool of talk. You can’t have a relationship with a woman if you don’t have a conversation with her, and small talk gets the conversational ball rolling. Offer a comment, not an opening line. Worn-out gambits are an absolute turnoff; don’t use them. Instead, offer a relevant and positive comment. It’s a perfect ice breaker because it’s a friendly invitation to talk. Make a comment on what’s happening around you, such as the decor, the speaker, the event, the organization, the music or the artwork. Anything (and ev erything) you find interesting is a ready topic for breaking the ice. Some possible comments: “What a great club!” “''K^at an interesting sculpture.” “She’s an excellent speaker.” “The food is delicious.” “The music is terrific.” Stay away from negative comments (“This is an awful party”), they are alienating and will not help you to build positive rapport. Until next time, have fun practicing small talking. ▼ [Rhona Sacks is the author of the bestseller The Art of Meeting Women, A Guide for Gay Women (Slope Books, 1998). It is available in bookstores nationwide and online at WWW. amazon, com.] Letter Continued from page 6 How do you deal with the problems you create when the church gives people double messages, when it preaches one thing while act ing another? Poet Adrianne Rich, a lesbian, has written that giving people double messages is one of the cruelest things you can do to them. Rich says that when we ask people to assume a publicly acceptable persona which is other than their real self, we split their souls and do seri ous damage to them. Is this not what your Catholic position on homosexuality does, when it claims to welcome and accept gay people while prohibiting loving relationships among gay people? How can you preach compassion, when you tell gay people that their sexual orientation is “intrinsically disordered,” as a recent Vatican document pro claims? To many thoughtful and committed Catho lics, such mixed messages are very demoraliz ing. To many of us, when our bishops shake the hands of the Scalias of the world, they ap pear to be playing power politics, and not preaching the gospel. How will the church re store the faith of so many thoughtful and com mitted people, when the power politics it plays — on a daily basis — so undercuts its preach ing the gospel of love? Perhaps it would be better not to preach a compassion that your actions belie. Giving op pressed people mixed messages may, in the long run, be more damaging to their souls than showing outright disdain for them. T — William D. Lindsey Little Rock, AR [ The writer is the former chair of the Theol ogy Department at Belmont Abbey College.] April 17,1999 T PAGE 13 robert wa wm -pjN/aifj 'iucira>2 ^ . •if' i 'f' 9 9 9 C H A. R L ir T £ s @ L-iafsons • 3pm"6pm n s s c I a c r A ve. [376-1617] Party I9P? • l0pm”4am - APRIL 30 - DJ ABEL 300 STONEWALL - MAY 1 - DJ DAVID KNAPP @ MYTHOS - MAY 2 - DJ BUMPER @ MYTHOS DJ David Knapp [NyC] pF* After Ho Urs Party •4am"8am @ 3oo St oncwall witk DJ Randall Sunday: Recovery Brunck •12;30pm-3:30pm @ ejosmos CJafe uptown Freedom Tea Da nee • 4pm"l0pm /VlytkoS uptown wi tk DJ B timpcr fCoIum[)ia/A.tlAnta] $60 f or tke 3 day pkq. or purckase tickets per event Three day event packages can be purchased April 30 and May 1 for $60 at The Holiday Inn Center City, Mythos and 300 Stonewall, Individual tickets can be purchased per event. Advance tickets available @Urban Evolution, White Rabbit and Liaisons HOST BARS: Mythos - 300 Stonewall - Liaisons HOST HOTEL: Holiday Inn Center City, 230 North College, 704-335-5400 (mention Release Party 1999 for special rates) SPONSORS: Holiday Inn Center City - Bud Light - Cosmos Cafe - Mythos - Liaisons SPECIAL THANKS: Scott Carpenter - Cosmos Cafe - Andy Kastanas - Jeff Cravotta Photography - Carolina Talent - Mary Lawing - Cordon Rankin Proceeds go to Metrolina Aids Project & The Matthew Shepard Foundation Visit Our Website at ° WWW.releasecharlotte.org Luniutyf^ AVyTHOS 300 Stonewall ^ •\Wu8ay ']. •trollna XID% ; ro|«ct
Q-notes (Charlotte, N.C.)
Standardized title groups preceding, succeeding, and alternate titles together.
April 17, 1999, edition 1
13
Click "Submit" to request a review of this page. NCDHC staff will check .
0 / 75