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Published Every Two Weeks On Recycled Paper • Volume 13, Number 25 • May 15, 1999 • FREE
Standards issued for custody
by Peg Byron
Special to Q-Notes
NEW YORK—Hoping to help their com
munities avert a crisis, an adjioc alliance of
GLBT legal and family-oriented organizations
has launched an effort to provide guidelines for
handling child custody matters when families
break apart.
The recommended standards.are conrained
in a publication entided “Protecting Families:
Standards for Child Custody Disputes in Same-
Sex Relationships.” The groups hope to see this
widely circulated and followed by families in
crisis and those who work with them.
The piece was authored by Cay & Lesbian
Advocates & Defenders (CLAD), a Boston-
based legal group, in collaboration with local
parents, attorneys, mediators and therapists.
Other organizations that later joined in the
collaboration include Lambda Legal Defense
and Education Fund, the National Center for
Lesbian Rights, the ACLU
Lesbian and Cay Rights
Project, Family Pride Coa
lition, and COLACE
(Children of Lesbians and
Cays Everywhere).
The standards aim to
address the increasing
prevalence of heartbreaking
controversies about
whether particular family
■. members can maintain a
relationship with their child
when the family separates. Some of these mat
ters go to court and some do not.
The problems have their genesis in the law’s
elevation of biology over (or in lieu of) actual
parent-child relationships. Regardless of the
actual parental role a person plays, most estab
lished law does not recognize as “parents” those
who are not related to the child by biology or
adoption, as is the case with many gay and les
bian parents.
In addition, since there is no divorce pro
cess to constrain the strong emorions which
often accompany a break-up, some birth and
adoptive parents who have the impulse to cut
off the relationship between children and a fam
ily member succeed in doing so by claiming a
superior legal status.
Said CLAD Civil Rights Director Mary
Bonauto, “Sound judgment is often clouded
by the strong emotions that accompany break
ups. Ir causes terrible lasting injury if the chil
dren and adulrs are permanently torn apart at
that unfortunate moment.
“The laws fail lesbian and gay families by
not helping them regain a more level-headed
“How we end
relationships is
critical to our
collective interest
as well as to our
children"
perspective on their children’s needs during ‘di
vorce.’ Lesbians and gay men who formed fami
lies and made commitments should not adopt
the law’s inappropriate elevation of biology over
the reality of relationships.”
She added, “The courts and many in our
society are confused when they hear members
of our community saying that our agreements
don’t count, our families never existed, and
former partners are nothing more than ‘legal
strangers’ or ‘roommates.’ How we end rela
tionships is critical to our collective interest as
well as to our children.”
The Standards are directed at all same-sex
families in distress. Aiming to create a new com
munity ethic, they urge honoring of ^reements
among family members and putting children’s
needs first rather than resorting to the legal sys
tem to decide who counts as family. Over
whelmingly, for the good of all concerned, they
encourage voluntary resolutions of disputes in
accotd with basic principles
about child welfare.
The guidelines go on to
suggest that those who go
to court because they can
not reach agreemenr forego
anri-gay arguments that
will encourage or reaffirm
the law’s failure to accord
the proper respect to fam
ily members not related by
biology or marriage.
According to the
groups, “[ejven if legislature and courts are slow
to do so, we must recognize, respect and cel
ebrate that families in our community are
joined by intention and commitment rather
than by biology or law. When some relation
ships in a family change or end, we must not
use the absence of legal protection to suddenly
delete a person as important as a parent from a
child’s life. We must honor our own families
even if the legal system does not. That means
honoring the commitments we have made to
our children and to each other and acring in
the interests of the children.”
The groups point to a recent decision from
a California Appeals Court to illustrate the
problem. The court ruled thar, wirhout the leg
islature making changes to the current law, it
had no power to intervene on behalf of a les
bian mother with no biological or adoprive ties
unless she showed the biological parent to be
entirely unfit for custody.
In the case, Kathleen C. and Lisa W. lived
together for several years before deciding to have
a child together. Lisa gave birth the next year
See CUSTODY on page 24
Billboard proclaims “value” of gays
by David Stout
Q-Notes Staff
CHARLESTON, SC—Some interstate
travelers have surely received a shock as they
approached the edge of this genteel port city
and found a decidedly pro-gay billboard along
their path.
The billboard, which sits on 1-26, has been
boldly proclaiming “Cay and Lesbian People,
Valued Members of this Community” to as
many as 56,000 passers-by per day since ir was
erected April 28.
“It’s a first in South Carolina history,” said
Linda Ketner, president of the Alliance for Full
Acceptance (AFFA), the group sponsoring the
message. “We’re speaking our against wide
spread misinformation and untruths.”
AFFA is a social and political organization
comprised of both gay and straight members
whose goal is to secure civil rights and social
justice for CLBT people.
According to AFFA leaders, the billboard is
only the beginning of a much more ambitious
educational effort that will extend through July.
Reportedly, legal inequities in employment,
housing, taxation, adoption, custody and more
— encompassing better than 1000 state and
federal laws — will be addressed through a di-
rea mail campaign, speakers bureau, homopho
bia workshop, letters to clergy, print ads, the
establishment of a hate crimes reporting line
and an educational program rargeting SC leg
islators.
Currendy, SC is one of just eight states with
out a hate crimes sratute. A measure passed the
state Senate earlier this year, but died in com
mittee in the SC House.
For more information on AFFA or its pro
grams, call (843) 883-0343 or access their web
site at http://wwwAffa-sc.org. ▼
AIDS Walk participants gather at The Great Aunt Stella Center for RAIN
AIDS walkers happy to see RAIN
and surpassed last year’s total by more than
$15,000. Pledges and donations from walkers
accounted for $30,000; rhe remainder came
from corporate donations.
RAIN was formed in 1992 by Rev. Debbie
Warren as a spiritual response ro the AIDS cri
sis. It has become an unqualified success dur
ing the ensuing decade, providing services to
more rhan 250 -clients in a seven-county, two-
state region. More than 55 CareTeams have
been enlisted through the years, featuring up
wards of 700 volunteers.
For more information on R/UN, including
hovv to form a CareTeam or be paired with one,
contact the group at (704) 372-7246. RAIN’s
office is housed at First United Methodist
Church on N. Tryon St. T
by David Stout
Q-Notes Staff
CHARLOTTE—^Approximately 400 walk
ers converged May 2 at The Creat Aunt Stella
Center on Seventh St. to cover a mile of up
town — and an immeasurable disrance in spirit
— to raise money for the Regional AIDS In
terfaith Network (RAIN).
RAIN is an innovarive program that pairs
individuals living with AIDS with CareTeams
comprised, mainly, of congregants from local
mainline churches. Team members offer living
assistance and emotional support to their care
parrner, creating incredibly strong bonds in the
process.
This year’s AIDS Walk was RAIN’s third
annual effort. The group met its $50,000 goal
Study to investigate feasibility of a
Community Center for Charlotte
by Dan Van Mourik
Q-Notes Staff
CHARLOTTE—The subject of a “commu
nity center” has once again been raised in Char
lotte. The idea is not a new one and has been
talked about for several years, but previous dis
cussions have not gone much beyond the dis
cussion stage. In the past, these discussions have
generally been internal conversarions within an
organization and without the input of the com
munity as a whole.
The subject has been brought up again in
response to suggestions received by OutChar-
lorre, the organization behind the annual cul
tural fesrival in Charlotte, and the group is tak
ing a somewhat different approach to the topic.
In 1998, OutCharlotte conducted a strate
gic planning process in which people voiced
their suggestions about how OutCharlotte
could best serve the community for the long
term. Community forums were held and one
of the repeatedly mentioned desires was for a
center which could support and celebrate the
CLBT community.
OutCharlotte has retained Grassroots Lead
ership, a regional resource for community or
ganizations, to conduct an independent study
on whether or nor the community is ready for
and willing to support a Community Center.
The goal is to work with a wide cross-section
of community members and represenratives of
GLBT organizations to emerge with a set of
'recommendations in January 2000 regarding
the need for, feasibility of and depth of sup
port for a number of possible community cen
ter options.
The study will be facilitated by Naomi
Swinton and staff members of Grassroots Lead
ership. After canvassing various GLBT organi
zational leaders, a 30-member committee was
selected and began meeting on April 7.
The srudy will include rhree town meetings
to acquire community feedback. The first meet
ing will be held on Thursday, May 20 ar the
West Boulevard Branch of the Public Library,
2157 West Boulevard, Charlorre from 7:00-
9:00pm. Various task forces will be created to
study issues and concerns and members of the
community are invited to participate on these
task forces.
For more information, contact Naomi
Swinton, Grassroots Leadership, PO Box
36006, Charlotte, NC 28236; (704) 332-3090;
email: nswinton@igc.org. T
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