APRIL 24.2004 • Q-NOTES
Q-Living
31
tnton
The Catholic
reformation —
heaven help us!
by Marc Acito
This has not been an easy year for
Catholics like me. In February, the U.S.
Conference of Bishops reported that dur
ing the past 50 years,
over 4,000 American
Catholic priests have
been charged with
the sexual abuse of
more than ten thou
sand children. Even
worse, only 14 per
cent of the abuse
reported to bishops
was brought to the
attention of the law and 95 percent of the
perpetrators avoided criminal charges.
I’m beginning to think that kids receiv
ing their first communion should also
receive a can of mace.
The church has already ponied up over
$600 million to atone for the sins of the
fathers. (That’s a lot of bake sales.) But I
think it’s time they replaced some of those
clerical collars with electric ones.
The report has had a tremendous effect
on parishioners (or as the church calls
them, lay people — perhaps that’s where
the confusion began). It’s gotten so bad
that alter boys refer to the
confessional as the Panic
Room. And when you say
“Bless me Father, for I have
sinned,” the priest just
shrugs, “So who hasn’t?”
Response by the Pope has been uncon
scionably inadequate.
Yet despite this pontiff being adrift in
the holy see, I still believe in the church
itself. Nearly a third of those 10,000 chil
dren were abused by just 149 serial
pedophiles. That’s ,149 too many, but a
fraction compared to the thousands of
hardworking parish priests who don’t try
to anoint alter boys with massage oil.
The easy solution for us lay people is to
walk away from the church; but that
would be throwing the baby out with the
holy water. Catholics everywhere need to
. continue practicing pur religion — and
keep practicing until we get it right.
Allow me to steal a trick from a certain
carpenter from Nazareth and tell you a
parable. There once was this gay, Catholic
columnist who wrote a little column about
being gay and Catholic. And there Was
much rejoicing.
Okay, there wasn’t any rejoicing, but he
did get a letter from a lesbian by the name
of Lori Gardner. Lori said she felt drawn to
the church but had a ton of questions that
the columnist couldn’t answer because
he’s better at being gay than Catholic.
He referred her to another reader
whose name happened to be Hart. Mr.
Hart invited Ms. Gardner to his church
because it was a “welcoming congrega
tion” and, lo, there was much rejoicing
because not only did Lori embrace
Christianity, but she also met a woman
THE COMMITMENT!
Great Aunt Stella Center
926 Elizabeth Avenue
WWW.AIDSWALKCHARLOTTE.ORG
u
11 I I I-
wXlk
2004
w 4 &
¥ * W i i W B
Registration: 8:00 a.m.
Walk Begins: 10:00 a.m.
For more information call 704-372-RAIN
. or visit our website at
www,AIDSWalkChaHotte,ori
RAIN
i
AIDS Walk Charlotte
benefiting RAIN
■
there and fell in love and it was good.
The woman’s name was joy.
A year later, Lori and joy invited the
columnist to witness Lori’s baptism and con
firmation at Easter Vigil. This was unlike any
Easter Vigil the columnist had ever seen.
When Mr. Hart said his was a welcom
ing congregation, he meant it: black
women in huge hats, gay men in shiny
robes, Latina girls in tight pants — it was
less like Mass and more like “It’s a Small
World.” And all of it sung in that folk
Mass style that makes one think of
“Godspell.”
There's plenty good room
Plenty good roo-oom,
Good room in the father's kingdom...
The Mass was performed in English and
Spanish, giving new meaning to the phrase, ,
“UNENDING hymn of praise.” In fact, the
Exchange of the Peace took so long it
amounted to an intermission. Some congre
gants even slipped out for a quick smoke.
Plenty good room, plenty good room,
Why don't you choose your seat
And sit down?
The baptism itself was an Esther
Williams extravaganza, the full Dunk ’n
Sunk, requiring more towels for one night
than the Ritz-Carlton.
And as the columnist watched, he real
ized that in spite of all the church’s trou
bles, true Christian fellowship still existed.
For it was here, because of a man named
Hart that love bloomed for Lori Gardner.
So, I urge you all to consider renewing
your connection to your own faith, what
ever it might be. Perhaps, like Lori, you too
will find Joy.
MarcAcito's first novel. How I Paid For College,
will be published in September. Write him at
Marc@MarcAcito.com.
Gay BINGO....
Delightfully Tacky,
Yet Unrefined
Trailer Park BINGO
May 7,7:30pm
Carole A Hoefner Community Center
610 E. 7th Street
Tickets $20 each
Available at:
Paper Skyscraper - 330 East Blvd. * While Rabbit Books & Things - 1401 Central Ave.
City Supply Co. - 1219 Thomas Ave. The Furniture Connecter — 5800-B Brookshire Bivd.
Call RAIN @ 704-372-7246
All Proceeds benefit RAIN • Regional AIDS Interfailh Network
Gay BINGO has raised over $200,000.
Join the fun!
Gay BINGO is for Maturs Audiences 18 and over. AlihouBh a “Straight Line’ nsver wm at Gay BINGO,
our "Straight Friends' are always welcome!
www.gaybingochariotte.org
For Reserved Tables call RAIN at 704-372-7246