SEX ISSUE 09
continued from previous page
a month and eventually met up, saw a movie
and found they enjoyed each
other’s company. Soon
thereafter, Jim
and Chris
were seeing
each other.
It wasn’t long
until an
unplanned series
of interpersonal
conflicts, romantic
altercations and sex
ual trysts culminated
in a late-night, after
party fling between
Thomas, Jim and Chris.
As the months rolled by,
Chris found himself torn
between the separated Jim and Thomas, and,
in return, they found that they both had feel
ings for Chris.
By the end of July, Chris was spending so
much time with Thomas and Jim the three
were basically sharing a bedroom at Thomas’
house. But the drama resulting from not
knowing who was dating whom, along
with the divisions it caused between
high school sweethearts Jim and
Thomas, was too much to bear.
Their next leap into the uncharted
waters of multi-partner love was like
a revelation.
“A few months went by and we
were all three doing everything
together and we were like, damn,
maybe this could work out,”
Chris recounts, as though there
had hterally been a light bulb
flipped on over each of their
heads. “We all three had feel
ings for each other.”
Building a relationship
Managing any sort of romantic, long-term
relationship can be diflSculL The constant and
daily push-and-puU of life and love — working,
sleeping, eating, cleaning... all the seemingly
mundane tasks of everyday life — take on a new
meaning when two are involved. Couples across
the country spend exorbitant amounts of money
each year on family, marriage and sex counsel
ing. Bringing three separate lives, personalities,
wants and needs into accord might be uncom
mon, but the issues really
aren’t all that different than
those faced by couples.
“Just like when you
have a regular relation
ship with two people,
you have drama,”
Chris notes. “If you
have three people, it
is triple the
drama.”
Although
there are three
involved,
instead of two,
Thomas says
they have to navigate the
same issues all other couples and
committed partners have. The three’s domi
nant and outgoing personalities lend family
life an extra dose of disagreement.
“We’re all three strong personalities. We all
try being the'HBIC,’ which stands for the
‘head bitch in charge,”’ Jim humors.
After their decision to go all in, Jim,
Thomas and Chris very quickly set down one
simple ground rule.
There was no going outside of the
relationship,” Chris says. “To
where this is the most untra-
ditional relationship you can
ever imagine. I’m still tradi
tional. Don’t cheat on me.”
Trust and respect, the throu-
ple’s other ground rules, are
designed to keep the relationship
equitable and fair for all involved.
They say jealousy and issues of fair
ness were among the hardest emo
tional — and sometimes logistical
— obstacles to overcome when they
began their relationship. Feeling like
you were becoming the “third wheel”
wasn’t a sentiment any of them relished
then or now.
see Polyamorous on 16
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MAY 30.2009 • QNotes 15