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F A M I L Y On Being a Gay Parent by Brett Webb-Mitchell . Contributing Writer It Started in kindergarten • In Robert Fulghum’s simply written, yet profound book, “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten,” we learn how our communities would be a better place if we, who are adults, would remember to practice the same rules as kindergarten children. Of • course, Fulghum did not mean all the knowl edge that we would learn in life. Instead, many of the characteristics, attitudes, biases, sense of right and wrong, like sharing, being kind, living a balanced life, enjoying Oreo cookies and living a balanced life of work, play and learning would be well-honed by the time we are five or she years old. What is also being learned in our early years, and may be set for life, is how we per ceive each other. From the world in which we live, the neighborhoods and communities where we grow up, the friendships and parents who we relate with regularly, the television shows we watch, music we listen to, the books we read, images, voices and sounds we absorb from all around us, are teaching us how we interact and relate to one another. In other words, we are learning about race, class, sex, gender and abilities or disabilities. We are also learning about sexual orienta tion. As a parent, I have spent many hours play ing with my children, joining in fun times on playgrounds, cheering them on as 1 stand on the sidelines with all the other family members and friends on Rainbow soccer fields, waiting for dance lessons to end, celebrated birthdays with parties in which the average age was five years old and participating in helping out in kinder garten classrooms as a helpful parent for spe cial projects and school trips. It was, and is here, at these random places, at unscripted times, in the serendipitous occasions, diat our children — and we — learn not only what is right and wrong, good and bad, but also who is normal and considered abnormal, ordinary and weird, permissible and something to be avoided at all costs. Consciously or unconsciously, many of us learned how many people around us under stand .what it means to be gay, lesbian, bisexu al, transgender or queer expressing. Sadly, what many young children learn is that “straight is good” and “gay is bad.” I have heard “faggot,” “queer” and “gay” said among my children’s'peers and parents in front of my children in playgrounds, soccer fields, dance rehearsal spaces, kindergarten classrooms and communities of faith. As a parent who is gay, it has been hurtful and sad to hear these epi thets expressed freely and randomly by chil dren as young as five years old or adults in their 40s and 50s. While 1 was often mute when I heard these comments earlier in my life, hiding in my closet, now that I am out as a dad who is gay, I have not missed the opportu nity to correct such misperceptions and preju dice, whether in my writings or sometimes to the face of those espousing such hurtful rheto ric, often in the presence of my children. I want them to witness what it means to correct a wrong and to address an injustice, to put a face on the issue. As the school year begins again for those of us who have children in nine-month school programs — as well as^or year-round public schools — we are about to re-engage with some of the joys and struggles, proud moments of accomplishment and endless gos sip, sprinkled with lessons of virtues and unanticipated troubles. I know that I will con tinue to help my child in a local high school think strategically and relationally about the gossip of having a dad who is gay, in which he too will be called names. As one former high school friend told him only a few years ago in a bullying moment: “You know, it runs in the familyj’ the “it” being my being gay. From my children. I’ve learned that, thankfully, what also runs in the family is honesty, courage and love. That’s what I can pass along to them. > For Up-to-date coverage visit: www.q-notes.com the CaroHnas’ multimedia LGBT news source Local Gay Talk Radio Tune in every Sunday 10:05 AM on Air America THE REAL GAY AGENDA WOlC 1230 AM Or visit US online to listen: www.scpride.org 520 8th. Ave. N. Myrtle Beach, S.C. P; 843.448.1180 CRUISE PLAY POOL DANCE Happy Hour 5-8 Open Daily at 3 pm for Cocktails I , s. Patio Open Weekends Mondays Knockdown Drag OuU Open Drag Contest at 12 Midnight Hosted Morgan Richards Wednesdays Game Night with Bingo & Other Games Hosted Bimbos of the Beach Thursday Locals Night Free PooU Disco Diva Show at 12 Midnight Friday & Saturday Fri, August 28 - Brooklyn Dior, Kdsg> King, Ausia Lee Sat., August 29 - Manerva and Dance Paip Fri, September 4 - Petite dejonville, Dallas Sheraton, Jessica Diamond Sat, September 5 - Rex & The DC Boys - Male Entertainers Fri, September 11 - Brittaryi-OJhtiane, Erica Sommers, Dominique Deveraxa Sat, September 12 - C.LA. WS. Night Karaoke Tuesday -11 pm Karaoke Sutulay -10 pm Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursdtry - No Cover (excluding special holidays or events) THE HOTTEST DANCE MUSIC ON THE BEACH WITH D J. MACKEL For booking information (female Impersonators/male dancers) contact Kan 6 843.448.1180,1 Oam-1 pm www.timeoutmbsc.com When It Comes To Teaching Tolerance... Have You Felt The Church Was More Than A Little Behind? If YOU UNDERSTAND THAT FAITH IS A MATTER OF MIND AS WELL AS HEART, AND THAT TAKING THE Bible seriously means it cannot always be taken uterally... If YOU KNOW THAT GOD'S LOVE EMBRACES ALL PERSONS EQUALLY, NO MATTER THEIR GENDER, RACE OR SEXUAL IDENTITY... If, for YOU, DIVERSITY, TOLERANCE, AND INCLUSIVITY ARE STRENGTHS TO BE TAUGHT... If you've you wished for a more open and Em’bRACING COMMUNITY OF FAITH TO NURTURE YOUR SPIRIT, AND HAVEN'T YET FOUND A LIKE-MINDED PLACE OF BELONGING, THEN... ... we warmly INVITE YOU TO HELP US BUILD THE FAMILY OF The Upstate Church. Informal WORSHIP begins AT 6:00 p.M. Dress is casual Flan on staying afterwards for conversation and refreshments For more information please see our webste at vyww.theupstatechurch.org ■ OR call us at 991-3244. The Upstate Church The Upstate Church meets 6 p.m. Sunday's at: 1925 Pelham Road, Greenville, SC 9615 (Christ the King Lutheran Church) AUGUST 22 QNotes
Q-notes (Charlotte, N.C.)
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Aug. 22, 2009, edition 1
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