Newspapers / Q-notes (Charlotte, N.C.) / May 15, 2010, edition 1 / Page 26
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Ik ' May 30th c!01Q[ At Club Odys^y Winston*§alejwO Registrationi^d^^r Start Time!,10:3D.pitr on being a gay parent by brett webb-mitchell :: qnotes contributor Changing places ft * "My step-motiier was of the opinion that young women didn't need an education per se. The job of a young woman was to be barefoot and pregnant," said Calvin. This didn't matter anymore after Calvin changed places in his family tree. From the box marked "young woman" in the family, Calvin is ancfis becoming a young man. Argument over. Or is this an argument that has just bfegun? Growing up in one of the states in the southeast, Calvin grew up in a home, in a family, with an older brother and their dad. His mom and stepmother are integral in his life story, not because of what they said and did, but because they were largely missing in ac tion. He attended an ivy-league-wanna-be col lege in the state in which he grew up — on a full ride scholarship — proving to himself and the world of his intellectual prowess. Today, Calvin is in a doctoral language program at a university in the central part of North Carolina and is interested in pursuing even more edu cation as he pursues the call to be a Minister of the Word and Sacrament He is, in the best meaning of the words, fantastically rierdy. While his mother and stepmother do not continue to maintain a significant presence in his life growing up in the South, he neverthe less maintains a connection with his father and older brother. When I asked him how he came outto his dad as a trans young man, Calvin recounted writing him a strongly worded letter, telling his father of the change that was going on in his life as he started the process of transitioning from female to male. Interestingly enough, the letter actually broughtfather and now-son closer together. Like other people who self-identify as transgender, Calvin is on a courageous journey, learning to live comfort ably in his own, changing skin. Calvin's story is a reminder of the chang ing, dynamic, never-ceasing nature stirring among all of us in human families. In each per son in our families of origin, there are known forces and unexplained impulses of life hap pening at all levels in us and our relationships. whether we are conscious or unconscious of them. While we see, hear and feel the tangible parts of our very lives and life with each other, like hunger and thirst, there are other primal ener gies and yen for transformation that are more under the surface and, thus, subtler, if not totally unconscious, and often elusive at work — or play—within us. This would include something so simple, yet basic, like self-identi fying internally as a man or woman, regardless of our outer genitalia composition. Because we live in a society that rarely questions the sense of "fit" with the social norms of what it means to be "male" or "female," core gender identity remains a mysterious aspect of human nature. Even though questions and thoughts about gender identity are an almost hidden pulse beneath the surface of life, sooner or later a person needs to find symmetry T)etween one's outer and inner gender.. .come what may. Having denied and having failed at quieting ^e attraction 1 experienced in desir ing to be fully with another man in a mutually self-giving relationship, I could relate to parts of Calvin's life experience in this regard: eVery once in a while, even though we think we have encountered every change possible within the human family, that nagging question or hesi tancy about who we are comes to the fore. Calvin lives a post-transition life today. He self-identifies as genderqueer and to the rest of the world as a young man. As Calvin prepares to challenge the status quo of a Protestant denomination's notion of what is normal in terms of who is called to ordained ministry in the coming year. I'm appreciative of Calvin's presence in my life. Calvin's gift to me —to us all — is the reminder of the beautiful mystery of Irfe that is always present in the di vine ascending helix of transformation that we are all part of, whether we realize it or not:: note: “Calvin's” name is an alias. qpoll In the past year, how have you shown your support of local LGBT community organizations? See the options and vote: goqnotes.com/to/qpoll ■7 CHARUonE Symphony THE MUSIC OF A8BA Fri June 18 8 pm Blumenthal Performing Arts Center I Belk Theater "Mamma Mia!" Put on your dancing shoes for the greatest most authentic ABBA tribute ' in the world! With original ABBA band members on guitar and drums, the,Swedish group ARRIVAL performs "Dancing Queen," "Waterloo,""Money, Money." and more. "Knowing Me. Knowing You," you won't want to miss this one-night-only show. cjHeur^ m7i9 704.972.2000 1 www.charlottesymphony qnotes May 15-29.2010
Q-notes (Charlotte, N.C.)
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May 15, 2010, edition 1
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