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Sundays:
House Drinks $3.25
Karaoke
Mondays:
All you can drink
Bud & Bud Light Bottles $7
Tuesdays:
All Beers $2.75
All Top Shelf Liquor $3.75
Karaoke
Wednesdays:
All Beers $2.75
All Top Shelf Liquor $3.75
Pool Tournament
Thursdays:
Underwear Night
with Drink Specials
Fridays:
Bear as you dare!
Saturdays:
Tradesmen's Night Out
3935 Queen City Drive
Charlotte, NC
704.394.1712
www.woodshedlounge.com
lifestyle'
stability
When most folks think leather or BDSM—that is, bond
age, domination, sadism, masochism — chills might run up their
spine. Or, perhaps, feelings of disgust flash through their mind.
It's that initial, gut reaction that most upsets Pam Payne. She
lives in and around Hickory and operates a mentoring program
and four-bedroom "halfway house," so to speak, for people in
the leather and BDSM "lifestyles" who find themselves in flux or
in need of some extra help. She is a part of the BDSM lifestyle _
herself and she says her way of living is about much more than
images of sexual power, ■
pain and perversion most
people ascribe to it.
"It's not purely a sex
ual identity," Payne says
in rebuttal to arguments
about her life and family.
"I'd say its a balance of
50-50 — people who just
want to belong on a level
that doesn't exist in the
vanilla world."
"Vanilla" is how
Payne describes main
stream society, whether
gay or straight.
She says most people
in the BDSM lifestyle sim
ply long for acceptance
and relationships that
matter. "I want to be able
to do this for you, give this
to you, serve you in this
way and, in return, I want
you to take care of me in
this particular way," she
says, describing a typical
relationship which she
says is built over periods
of months — sometimes
years — and depends on
negotiation and contract
Payne says most relationships "in the lifestyle" require
people to "lay out all their cards on the table." Someone might
have a good job or good credit, for example, while their partner
doesn't like to pay bills and doesn't want to handle the money at
all. She says some relationships are even 100 percent sex-free
and instead center around mutual caring or service.
"Mostly, it's people who don't want any gray area," she says.
"How many people get married today and don't even know who
will do the dishes? How many people check the credit score of
their partner? How many people get married and have never had
an STD test until afterward?"
Payne also says she often feels the sting of prejudice and
bias, particularly from the LGBT community.
"We're completely ostracized by the gay community," she
says. "If I go out with my leather family and they are wearing the
simplest of collars or moving arpund the club as a family, we are
very rarely interacted with. It's very much a quick "Hi, how ya
doing?" interaction and people just keep walking on. They don't
want to be associated with 'weird people.'"
But, one of the biggest misconceptions Payne and other
leather or BDSM folks face is the perception that some people are
being "owned," "subjugated" or "subordinated" by other people.
It's a perception that to many, seems to fly in the
face of values on individual liberty. Payne says
the reality is quite the opposite.
"We do live in a country that is supposed to
be about freedom of choice," she says. "When
you go into service, people don't own you in the
sense of 'You're mine and do what I say.' People
have to negotiate, have a contract Service is
sought after. Domination even more so."
Payne adds, "Submissives have rules, hard
limits they set for themselves. Total power
exchange relationships are few and far between.
Very few people can say,'I trust you completely
to take care of me and I'll ask no questions.'
People in collars have worked very hard to get
into those and they've made their negotiations for
their particular situation the way they want it"
Payne insists that service, submission,
domination or any other part of her lifestyle are
merely facets of a much larger issue. At the end
of the day, she expects others to respect both
her sexual and personal freedom — legal rights
already attained by gay people after the Supreme
Court's 2003 ruling in Lawrence v. Texas.
She says cooperation among leather, BDSM,
bear and other stigmatized communities could
usher in much-needed legal changes.
"I'd like to see some unity," she pleads.
"There are so many laws working against us
having our sexual freedom. I'd like to see these
communities come together so our numbers
grow and we can have more say."
Id December, Payne is helping to organize a special event in
Charlotte for leather, levi, bear, BDSM and other communities.
Her hope to create a push toward that unity she craves. The
event would be the first time diverse Carolina fetish communities
combined to host an event at the same place and time.
"My goal is to bring all these people together to share Ideas,
honor each group for their.community service and provide a
place where they can all come together once a year as one
group," she says.
Learn more about Payne's event LeatherFet2010, at
leatherfetcom.::
— Matt Comer
Leather, Levi and Bear resources
Organizations
Carolina Bear Lodge / Bear / Carolinas-wide / carolinabears.com
The Tradesmen / Leather/Levi / Charlotte / thetradesmen.org
Charlotte Bear Dinner Group / Bear / Charlotte / charlottebears.com
Southern Country Charlotte / Country/Western Dancing / southerncountrycharlotte.com
Tarheel Leather Club / Leather/Levi / Greensboro / tarheelleatherclub.org
Capital Leathermen / Leather/Levi / Raleigh / capitalleathermen.org
Nightlife
Club Cabaret
Hickory / clubcabarethickory.com
Flex
Raleigh / flex-club.com
Sidelines Sports Bar
Charlotte / thesidelinesbar.com
The Woodshed Lounge
Charlotte / woodshedlounge.com
qnotes Oct. 30-Nov. 12.2010