on being a
gay parent
by brett webb-mitchell
qnotes contributor
My children, your children
Good news from my home: My 18-year-
old son has begun his first year of college
and loves it, finding his groove among a new
group of friends, new course of activities and
discovering the joys (and drawbacks) to living
in a dorm. One fraternity has approached him
about joining (no way) and he is making time
in his schedule to join the lacrosse "club" (not
quite an official team, yet). He is supposed
to find a very part-time job to help pay for
additional expenses. He misses his girlfriend,
though they remain in touch once a day, if not
more often (she is at school in North Carolina).
•'He sends out an occasional request for more
money (normal), as well as weather forecast
for the Miami area, just in case Hurricane Irene
suddenly swerved inland as it passed by Florida
and headed straight for NC! .
My son is in my daily thoughts as I begin
another semester of teaching at North Carolina
Central University (NCCU). My English compo
sition and ethics classes are filled with students
who are around the age of my son and daugh
ter. In my students I can only wonder what is
going on in the life of my children and vice ver
sa. This sense of wonder was most pronounced
in the first days of the fall semester, as the
university welcomed the sons and daughters
of straight and LGBTQ parents, grandparents
and guardians. The first opportunity to meet the
incoming students was over a "welcome party"
of sorts, hosted by NCCU's LGBTQ student
group, COLORS. The first year students were
welcomed by the COLORS current members,
with the lure of free Ben and Jerry's ice cream
and a T-shirt that had simply-drawn human
figures reflecting all the various relationships
that are present in this world: male with male;
female with female; and female with male.
What was fantastic was not only the incred
ible turnout of students (around 50 or more, in
which I simply lost count), but also the number
of faculty, administrators and staff, straight and
LGBTQ alike who were there. Still new to this
school, I was emotionally moved by the power
ful witness of so many of my colleagues present
and out, letting new students who may or may
not be self-identifying as LGBTQ know that they
are not alone. This is especially helpful for those
students who may be first generation college
students, who are literally heading out on their
own, a first for their family of origin.
On the first day of my English composition
and ethics classes, I also tell students who I am.
without apology. In English, this comes about
as I regale the students with my background as
a writer, letting them know my writing back
ground. In ethics, I discuss the moral quandary
that the modern world finds itself in, denying
most LGBTQ people the basic human right of
living healthy, life-giving relationships as they
demonize us atthe same time.
Amid opening day parties and first day
of classes, I keep thinking of my son, hoping
that someone in his university is being equally
transparent and passionate in his or her
teaching, making his learning experience richly
rewarding. Likewise, I see my son in the eyes
of my students, hoping that I am creating an
atmosphere of safety and hope in my teaching
and advising, so that my students will grow
to love learning for the sake of learning more
about the world in which they play a vital role.
My hope? That the next generation of adults
will live in a world that is more open, accepting
and celebratory about the incredible diversity
of ways of being in this changing world than
my contemporaries.::
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Sept 316 2011 qnotes 17