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by leslie robinson
qnotes contributor
Same gender means some problems
You might enter into a same-sex relation
ship thinking you know all the troubles that lie
ahead. Discrimination, rejection by family and
friends, spending eternity in hell — none of
that is news.
But, I'll bet you never considered the
bundle of difficulties caused by being in a
relationship with someone who's a lot like you.
Someone with whom you share everything
from chromosomes to conditioner.
Here's an example of what I mean: My
partner and I have the same name. Her first
name is Anne, which is also my middle name.
It took me a while to get comfortable saying
her name. I felt like I was calling myself and
having attacks of egomania.
Opposite-sex couples can experience
this trouble too, of course. A woman named
Jordan can marry a man named Jordan or
a Jean can connect with a Gene. But, the
chances of twin names are much increased
with gay couplings.
We ail know a Mike and a Mike or a Sarah
and a Sarah. The other day I heard a lesbian
couple referred to as "the Rachels." Anyone
who's adamant about maintaining individuality
might have to rethink this gay thing.
I suppose preventive action is a possibil
ity. A lesbian could legally change her name
before starting a relationship, pick a name
that no other woman is likely to share. Like
Augustina. Or Pittsburgh. Or Cementmixer.
Then there's the issue of clothing. Back •
when I was in a straight relationship, my
boyfriend was too tall and too male to borrow
my clothes.
Now all bets are off.
Anne has borrowed everything from bras
to hats. She so covets a shirt of mine she
whimpers a little when I wear It. I'll soon know
what it means to give someone the shirt off
my back.
She and I aren't the same size, nor do we
have identical taste. For these reasons, I know
my entire wardrobe won't go missing.
But, I can imagine what it must be like for,
say, a femme couple with similar proportions
where one woman is constantly pilfering and
the other can never find what she planned to
wear. On a morning when the latter can locate
nothing to wear to work butpumps and a
nightgown, the fur will fly.
I'd be remiss if I didn't note that sometimes
it's a boon, clothing-wise, to be in a same-sex
couple. You can double your wardrobe. But,
only if you have like builds and taste. I sup
pose there are women out there who assess
a potential partner for kindness, respect and
to-die-for pencil skirts.
Turning to accessories, our friend Susan
recently told Anne and me that she has begun
carrying a purse again. The problem is her
partner Joyce uses a purse that looks the
same. Now each woman can find herself
leaving the house with the wrong life.
Straight couples don't have this trouble.
On another subject, while anti-gay activ
ists argue that male and female genitalia were
meant to go together, they're ignoring a more
compelling biological argument. Two women
going through menopause should never live
together.
Between us, Anne and I have every meno
pause symptom going. When she's having
a hot flash. I'm too busy obsessing over my
weight gain to notice, let alone sympathize.
In straight households where the woman is
experiencing menopause, it's the man's job to
be sympathetic — when he isn't driving his
girlfriend around in his new Ferrari.
Anne and I don't get sympathy, but we
aren't being cheated on, so I guess it's a
wash. Overall, though, I feel it's only right for
young people to be alerted to the complica
tions inherent in same-sex relationships. If
the prospect of hell doesn't scare twinks, the
prospect of sharing hair gel might.::
info:
LesRobinson@aol.com. generalgayety.com
tallcback
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^^ayfield a fierce, tireless
advocate
I'm a 30-year old lesbian who grew up
■n the state of Maipe. My decision to attend
school in Charlotte and make Charlotte
piy home was, in part, because I was look
ing forward to living the "city life." Only
9fter moving here did I realize that living in
Charlotte is difficult for lesbian, gay, bisexual
9nd transgender (L6BT) people. Not only
Joes the city lack basic protections against
discrimination for l3ased on sexual orientation
9nd gender identity, but the LGBT community
has little representation on the city council
9nd local boards.
LaWana Mayfield is running for city
council in Districts in southwest Charlotte. If
elected, LaWana would be the first openly gay
LGBT council member, and one of possibly
two women on city council. LaWana has been
a community organizer and active advocate
for LGBT, HIV/AIDS and racial justice issues
for over 15 years.
I urge anyone in Districts who cares
about LGBT issues in Charlotte to get out and
vote in the Sept. 13 primaries. It is critical
that we elect people who care about making
Charlotte a better and easier place for LGBT
people to live. LaWana would be a fierce and
tireless advocate not just for our community,
but for the community as a whole. I urge you
to get out and vote for LaWana on Sept. 13./::
— Sarah Demarest, Charlotte, N.C., letter
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Sept 3 16 2011 qnotes 5