Newspapers / Hot Off the Hoover … / May 1, 1943, edition 1 / Page 16
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give the old gal a visual going-over from stem to stern and when satisfied, he stepped back vdth a deteinined gleam in his eye and remarked to everyone at large ^ '•Next time I run me off a batcha* corn lildccr, I*m agonna* buy me one of them thar things," IM LIY OPBIION, IT ITILL BS a long, long tirne before the people in this little village will ever forget the staccato exhaust, the big v;histle on the little train - the Lawndale Railway and Industrial company. ^ ^ ^5- ^'c -K- ^ -j;- -)$• L/iST v.lLL OF i\DOL?H HITL]® I, Adolph Hitler , being of unsound -oind and r.iisery, and considering the possibility of a fatal accident' knov/n as assassination, dcclare this to be r.iy last (you hope, you hope) will end tostanent. To RUSSIA, I leave the Russian \7inter where I'sy bravo Aryan sailors froze their Imots off* Just when we expected to land Deep In The Heart of lioscow. To PEAIICE, I leave all the beautiful Iladoiioiselles in occupied Paris. I tjqs NEVER the one for girls. iTHOOPSn To EMGL/\1ID, I leave the original r.ianuscript of IIEIN ICAiiPF, which their R.A.F,' spoiled. I had vn?itten a different finish,but their fliers got no in the end. To KOEIAY, I leave i:iy advice for any potential Quislings, To wit, "There's no social security for the wages of sin." To POLi\liD, I leave a 16x10 gold-framed photc^graph of riyself to hang in their public schools to scare the hell out of .any Icid \ifho night TIUM along Natzi lines. To /\liERICA, I leave Walter v^inchell v;ho always said, "To HEIL with Hitler*" I know he’ll be very busy on r-iy funeral day so he»d better not cone—Business before pleasur To GOEBELS and GOIiRING, I leave 30 iiillion riarks (Tvvo Dollars) to buy a gift for ny ilother and Father vjho are getting liarried the day I die. To FRxU^KLIN D. ROOSEVELT, I leave ny apology for interrupting his fishing, but he got even, , . To COUNT CI/iNO,son-in-law of liussolini, I leave the Victoria Cross for bringing down in ONE day, 41 bombers and 72 fighters—all ITiVLL'U'I, To \ENSTOH CHURCHILL, I leave a box of ;jatches. I never yet saw his cigars lit. Besides, who’ll need matches where I’a going in Hades? To IiUSSOLIImT, I leave my Chaplin mustache, which ho is to nialco into a toupo for his ivory done. To GEI'JERiiL llac/JilTHUR, I leave money for ny to.ibstono with this epitah: EEIOT liBEIffiy I JIIY no HERE LIES HITLER BY THE TOE UlDi3HJE/*TH HE SEELiS TO SAY’ "IT luiSTER THE U.S.A.!" im TO THE ElITIP^ V;ORLD, I JUST LaiVE,;j:D v/ILL THEY GOD’’ Adolph
Hot Off the Hoover Rail
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May 1, 1943, edition 1
16
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