By - Rrofossor II ..L, Turnor
"Sone re-written - sone just told -
Sone noT/ - sone olcU”
A fc^7 days ago I road the following statenont:
"The future of our vjhole, nation and mnkind
itself deponds upon our unqualified victory.
There can’t be too nan^^ parades, and bands,
and rousing r.iai’ching songs like "Over There,
and, yes, good laughs, to i-ialce the load a
little lighter as v/e face the tasks at hand."
By way of beginning, I understand that Llr,
\ Putnar.1 is having sone new experience since
becjning our now postmster. For instance,
-y / it lias been reported that a short tine ago an
old colored wonan presented herself at the post-
office window and requested lir. Putnan to put a stanp which she had on a letter that
she wiohod to mil. Of course, Ilr. Putnan obligingly licked the stai;ip and placed it
on the letter. It stuck beautifully. "You know," said the old colored wonan, "I
bet I l:.cked that starap fifty tir.ies and I couldn’t get it to stick." lirs, Putnan
received word a little later that her husband vould not be at hone for lunch that
Recently one of our good neighbors vjent into t he Gonpany Store at Lawndale to do
a little trading. Anong other things he told iirs, Ben PaLner that he wished to buy •
a corselet for his wife, Mrs, PaL'ier asked,"i/hat bust?" "Oh, nothing," said the nan,
"It just wore out."
Mow back to the arny again. The sergeant’s face wore a nystified look as ho deposited
Private Tonpkins into the custody of the head doctor at the Post, "Strangest case I
have ever seen, doctor," ho concluded, "This fellov; Tonplrcins has been wandering all
over car.ip tho last two daj-s picking up scraps of paper on the ground, report sheets
fron the conpa.njv’' clerk’s office, and orders povsted'on tho bulletin board. Every tine
he grabs one of tine papers he c.^'ios,"This isn’t it«"
As though to prove the Sergeant’s point. Private Tonpkins suddenly rushed pist tho
astonished doctor and began picldng pieces of paper off his d esk. As he lifted
each piece of paper he cried, "This isn’t it." The doctor was nonplussed.
"Cone, cone, ny boy," he said in a soothing tone. "You seen to have a pretty bad
case of sonothing or other. I don’t want to brealc your heart, but I guess wo can’t
have you in tho arny any nore. Sergeant, I will hold Private Tonpkins here while
you get his discharge papers,"
The sergeant returned a short v^hile later and thrust the discharge into Private
Tonpkin’s hand. "Novi/ scat," he said. Private Tonpkins took one look at the paper
and let out a shriek of glee. "This is it," he exclaii-ied, and vanished fron sight.
This one is a little hoary with age. The fanous Anericcji huiuorist, Artonus Ward,
tollii naxiy ar.iusing stories of individual exploits during the Civil War, One of then
concorned an irascible and inpatient Southern Colonel who was anxious to rejoin his
rogL'ient and resented the snail-J-ike pace of tho dinky little train on which ho
found hinsolf. He stanpod up to the conductor and ronarked with elaborate irony,
"Will this railroad conpany allow a ;iere :iilitai’y nan to ^:ivo it sone advice if it
is done in a respectful nannor?" (Continued on next page)