Newspapers / Hot Off the Hoover … / March 1, 1944, edition 1 / Page 9
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ofiCOND HAMD TALES By - Professor M. L. Turner "Some re-written ~ some just told - Some nev; - some old," The liiastcr of the house returned from bus incss'somov;hat errly. He did not find his ?/if. about,,and so called dcvmstairs to the cook; "Bridget, do you know tinj'thing about my wife's v/hereabputs?" "No, sor," Bridget aiiswered, "Suj' I knov; nothin’ but I'm thinkin’, sor, it*s liki^ ly they’re in the wash," / V \ Wien the bishop was entertained at an Eng lish counti’y house, the butler coached careful." the new boy who was to carry up the jug of hot Tjatcr for shaving in the morning, "When you knock," the butler explained, "and he asks, 'VHio’s thoi'e?’ then you must say, 'It's the boy, my Lord'," The lad, in much nervous trep idation, duly carried up the hot vrater, but in' answer to the bishop's query as to v;ho ^vas at the door, he announced: "It's the Lord, my boyl" The butler overheard ajid was horrified. He hammered into the youth's con sciousness, the fact that a bishop must be addressed as my lord. Finally he was sat isfied that the boy understood, and permitted him to assist in serving the dinner that nifeht. The youngster was sent to the bishop to offer a plate of cheese, V/ith shalc- Ing laie.cs, he presented the dish to the bishop, and faltered: "My God, will you have sumo cheese?" The kind lady stopped to tell the sobbing little girl not to cry, and she offer ed as a convincing argument: "You know it makes little girls homelj%" The child star ed belligerently at the benevolent lady, and then remarked: "You must haw cried an r*.ful lot v;hen you vjas young," Some wasps built their nests during the week in a Scotch clorgymr'Ji's best bree ches, On the Sabbath as he warmed up to his proaching, the wasps, too, warmed up, vvith the result that presently the minister was leaping about like a,jack in the box, find slapping his lo^/qr anatomy .with grent vigor, to .the ana.zement'of, the congregation, "Be calr.i, brethren," he shouted, "The word of God is in ny mouth, but the De'il's in my breeches I" ’ The subject of kissing vjas debated v;ith much earnestness for a half hour between the girl and her young mn caller. The fellow insisted that it was always possible for a man to kiss a girl at will, v;hether she chose to perrait it or not. The maiden was firm in maintaining that such was not the case. Finally, it v/as decided that the only solution of the question must be by a practical demonstration one way or the other. So, they tried it. They clinched, and the battle was on. A#ber a lively tu ssle, they broke away. The girl had been kissed ardently for a period of minutes, ilor coinment showed an undaunted spirit: "Qi, well, you really didn't v;in fair. My ot slipped. Let's try it again," The colored man was before the court, accused of horse-stealing. The prosecut- 'iig attorney read the indicti.K:nt sternly and then asked: "Are you guilty, or not gviil+ 'The prisoner wriggled perploxe'-’ly^ and then grinned propitiatjjngly as he said: 7'ovv, suh, boss, ain't dat perzalJ v c’e ting vje'se done gvvino diskiver in dis-yere
Hot Off the Hoover Rail
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March 1, 1944, edition 1
9
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