Newspapers / The Home Front News / June 20, 1945, edition 1 / Page 15
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Into Irvin Cobb’s office came a man v;ho was introduced as Mr, Hicks,^of Kansas. “Hicks, huh,” said Cobb,. ”Do you know what we do with Hicks, here ih New York City?" ”No", said Hicks, "I can't say that I do. But I know what w’e do with Cobbs out in Kansas." The difference betx^^e9^I amnesia and magnesia is the fellow with amnesia doesn’t know i/here he is going. , Then there’s the story of the three pigs who left home be cause their old man was such a boar, \ Conscience, says Private Peren nial, is the thing that hurts when everything else feels good, A cavalryman went to the den- (tist and when asked to ouen his mouth said: teeth are. all right, doc, I Just came to see if I could get a little novo- caine to rub on my^ saddle," At the club window sat a bright eyed gentleman of 97 reviex>ring the passing females with zest ful interest. A young fellow member of 50 sauntered up to the old fellow and said: "Well, old scout, how do, you like them now?" "More than ever, God bless ’em", said the 97-year old. "Their cheeks are rosier, their skirts ■are shorter, their smiles are "brighter, and their movements merrier than ever. G-od bless ;Ua, sir, when I look ’em over I wish I was ten years younger." "Grandma, how did you like the nudist wedding you attended to day? " "I liked it Just fine," said grandma, "in fact, it is about the only wedding I ever attend ed when I could tell v:ho was the best man." St. Louie Sue, who has been taking a Nurse’s Aid course, says she is now so proficient that she can mak^^ the patient without d.isturbing the bed. There once v/as a lady named Eve Who caused husband Adam to grieve. When he asked where she'd been, She replied with a grin, "I've been absent without any leave," Salesgirl to customer: "Yes, Mrs, Priscilla Prissy-Pratt, our girdles come in fixed sizes- small, medium, large, wow and holy mackerel." Mrs, Priscilla Prissy-Pratt de cided one day to ar)-oeal to BishoD Beer-belch to do some thing about the disgraceful wajr indecent words were being painted on the walls and side- vjalks of the city. "What will outaiders think of us? she cried. '’Why, Bishop Beqr-belch, some of the words aren't even spelled right I" In order to break her little Marj’’ of her habit of thumb- / sucking, mama said: "If you donjt stop sucking your thumb you^11 swell up and bust!" This had a sobering effect on the young lady. A short ta.me later some ladies met at Mary’s home, among them a young matron about to become a mother* Mary, studying the lady’s figure, blurted: "I know what you’ve been doing," Little girl to grpcer: "My mama sent me for a roll of bathroom tissue and said to clBrge it," > The gi-'ocer, who had forgotten the little girl’s name, asked: "How who is this for?" Little girl: "Oh, we're all going to use it." Dr, Patsy O’Bang,. ,in Washing ton recently, met three Polish officers while being entertain ed by a.eassiety hostess. He says she asked one of the Poles: "So you are married. Have you any children?" O'Bang heard him say: "Alas no, madame. My wife is unbearable." He means," the second Pole corrected, "that she is incor.ceivable." "No, no," said the third, "he means that , she is impregnable." , Mrs, Priscilla Prissyr-Pratt and Bishop : Beer-belch T^assed a stream recently where a comBany of nud^ soldiers vVere taking a swim. "Oh, deah!" said Mrs. Prissy-Pratt, "these must cg our shock titopsl" Simile: "As careful as a nudist climbing over a barbed wire fence," The Tarboro Southerner: "The hy drant on Main Street ^ked and wet a dog." ■ Headlines in K, C. Star: Yanks pinch Germans In Bulge,
The Home Front News
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June 20, 1945, edition 1
15
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