February 13,1997
The Banner
Little-known addictions equally destructive
(CPS)-After graduating near the
top of his high school class, Derek
Koeller entered West Virginia
University in 1990 with high
hopes and expectations.
“I was planning on getting my
degree in secondary education,
Koeller, of Morgantown, W.V.,
said. “I wanted to teach high
school history.”
Seven years later, Koeller is about
to fulfill that dream. It’s just hap
pening later than he expected.
“I lost about three years of my
life,” Koeller said. “I almost threw
it all away because I couldn t stop
betting on games.”
Koeller’s addiction to gambling
led him down a path of poverty
and depression. Once a student
full of potential, Koeller said he
quickly became a slave to the
scoreboard. Like many college stu
dents, his penchant for gambling
cost him much more than a por
tion of his weekly paycheck.
“Schools have programs for drug
and alcohol abusers, but what
about those juniors and seniors
who’ve lost all their money by
betting on football games?” said
Art Mambra, a former guidance
counselor at the University of
Northern Iowa. “It wasn’t a huge
number, but when these students
would come in to talk to me, they
would be at the end of their rope.”
Koeller said it took less than 20
months before he hit rock bot
tom. By April of his sophomore
year, he had bet on his final game.
“I dropped all my classes, lost
my job, and didn’t have a
goddamn dime,” Koeller said.
“There were people calling my
dorm room at all hours of the
night, my roommate was always
pissed at me, and my friends pretty
much left me to die.”
Although Koeller admits he’s
being a bit dramatic, he said his
going to pay off your $500 debt,
so they stay away.”
For Koeller, that debt reached
$11,000, a high price for a full
time student and part-time
telemarketer. For others, the price
tag is much higher.
“I’ve talked to students who owe
$40,000,” said Robert Shaw, a
counselor for Gamblers Anony
mous and a former gambler him
self. “These kids get into some-
friends distanced themselves from
him once they saw what was hap
pening, despite the fact than many
still bet on games themselves.
“Gambling isn’t a friend-in-need
addiction,” Koeller said. “It s not
like pot or alcohol where you do
what you can to get your friend to
a treatment center. People avoid
you because they think it’s going
to cost them money. No one s
thing they can’t handle. They have
no idea how big this is.”
Although no certain estimates
are available, betting tabs in Las
Vegas are said to easily top a bil
lion dollars each year. Factor in
the numerous office pools and
bets between relatives and friends,
and that number skyrockets.
“It’s part of the American cul
ture,” Shaw said.
In college, it’s part of the land
scape.
“There’s always some guy com
ing around with an NCAA pool
or squares or something,” said
Jim Leski, a sophomore at East
ern Illinois University. “I don’t
think it’s a huge problem,
though. You got a few bucks,
you get in. If you don’t, you take
a pass.”
Koeller said he used to believe
that. But when he became bored
with the action in his dorm, he
called a local bookie—one rec
ommended to him by a class
mate.
“That step is a big deal to me,”
Koeller said. “I’m not one of
those guys who’s going to preach
about the evils of betting on a
Redskins game with your room
mate. I just think you need to
keep it in check. When you call a
bookie, you’re taking it to the
next level. Then it’s not about
fun, it’s about money.”
Although most campus news
papers don’t publish betting
lines, Koeller said he would get
his numbers from his bookie, his
local paper, or the Internet.
The NCAA has threatened to
ban reporters affiliated with
newspapers that print betting
lines from the men’s basketball
tournament. Any action, though,
would create an empty press box.
“It’s not something we’re tack
ling right now, but it is definitely
on our agenda,” said Deanna
Smith, spokesperson for the
NCAA. “Considering what hap
pened this past football season
(the gambling scandal involving
Boston College football players),
we need to keep the outside influ
ences away from the athletes.”
Several BC players admitted they
bet on college games throughout
the season—in itselfa violation of
NCAA rules. The real trouble
began when Boston newspapers
reported that BC players were
betting on their own games, and
getting pressure from local book
ies to cover the spread.
BC athletic director Chet
Gladchuk said he is not taking the
situation lightly.
“We’ll be setting up programs
for our players,” Gladchuk said.
“And hopefully, the rest of the
student body will participate,
too.”
BC junior James Hennigan said
the football team scandal was a
wake-up call for him. I was
spending about $100 a week on
football bets,” he said. “I saw what
was happening there, and it made
me think. You never know where
something like this is going to
lead. I figured I’d get out while I
still could.”
Henry Lesieur, an Illinois State
University criminal justice pro
fessor with a specialization in gam
bling, says schools need to treat
betting like any other addiction.
“When parents send their kids
off to school, they can’t imagine
their son or daughter betting away
their checkbook on some basket
ball game, but it happens,” Lesieur
said.
Lesieur did a study on gambling
in schools in five states. He found
that 85 percent of college stu
dents gambled at least once in
their lives, while 25 percent said
they bet on a regular basis.
While Lesieur said schools need
to set up programs to help stu
dents with all addictions, he also
said parents need to be aware of
their child’s lifestyle by getting
involved with their academic and
social careers.
Or, as in Koeller’s case, get left
behind.
“ I can’t say I’m out of the woods
yet,” Koeller said, “I don’t bet
anymore, but I can’t look at the
paper without checking out the
betting lines. I see something like
Houston favored over New York
by 12 points, and I’m like, ‘No
way that’s going to happen. Make
a phone call—time to make some
money.’”
But Koeller said he resists the
urge. “I don’t ever want to be in
such a vulnerable position again,”
he said. “I’m not going to make
the climb a second time. The first
time took too much work.”
Mr. Whipple: The most hated
THE Crossword
Dave
Barry
columnist
Last week I promised that in
today’s column I would announce
which commercial, according to
my survey, you readers hate the
most. So if you have an ounce of
sense or good taste, you 11 stop
reacjjng this column right now.
Really, I mean it...
This is your last chance...
You’re making a huge mistake...
OK, you pathetic fool. The most
hated commercial of all time, ac
cording to the survey, was the one
for Charmin featuring “Mr.
Whipple” and various idiot house
wives who lived in a psycho per
vert community where everybody
was obsessed with squeezing toi
let paper—or, asjth^y say in Com
mercial Lan'd, “bathroom tissue.
Americans still, after all these
years, feel more hostility toward
that ad campaign than they ever
did toward international commu
nism.
Of course, some people will say;
“But those ads sold a lot of
Charmin!”
Yes, and the Unabomber pro
duced high-quality, hand-crafted
letter bombs. But that doesn t
make it right.
The Mr. Whipple ads are re
lated to a whole category of com
mercials that, according to the
survey, people really detest
namely, commercials that discuss
extremely intimate bodily func
tions and problems, often at
dinnertime.
People do not wish to hear total
strangers blurting out statements
about their constipation and their
diarrhea and their hemorrhoids
and their “male itch.” People do
not wish to see scientific demon
strations of pads absorbing amaz
ing quantities of fluids. People
also cannot fathom why this fluid
is always blue.
As Carla and Bill Chandler put
it: “If anyone around here starts
secreting anything blue, the last
thing we’re going to worry about
is how absorbent their pad is.”
People do not wish to hear any
more about incontinence. Rich
Klinzman wrote: “I have often
fantasized about sneaking up be
hind June Allyson, blowing up a
tired of the endlessly escalating,
extremely confusing war of the
pain relievers. At one time, years
ago, there was just aspirin, which
was basically for headaches. Now,
there are dozens of products, ev
ery single one of which seems to
be telling you that not only is it
more effective than the other ones,
but also the other ones could cause
a variety of harmful side effects
such as death. It seems safer to
just live with the headache.
Many survey respondents were
especially scornful of the com
mercials suggesting that you can
undergo an actual surgical proce
dure, such as a Cesarean section,
and the only pain medication
you’d need afterward is Tylenol.
As Gwen Marshall put it: “If my
doctor had given me Tylenol and
expected me to be pain-free and
happy. I’d have jumped off that
lovely table that holds your legs
“If my doctor had given me Tylenol and
expected me to be pain-free and happy,
I’d have grabbed the 12-inch scalpel out
of his hand and held it to his throat until
I got morphine, lots of it.”
--consumer Gwen Marshall
paper bag, and slamming my fist
into it, just to see how absorbent
those adult diapers really are.”
People also do not wish to see
actors pretending to be mothers
and daughters talking about very
personal feminine matters as
though they were discussing the
weather.
Richard J. O’Neil, expressing a
common sentiment, wrote: If I
was a woman, I would walk on my
lips through a sewage plant before
I would share this kind of infor
mation with any living soul. Let
alone my mother.”
People do wish to see extreme
close-ups of other people chew-
‘"S- , ...
People are also gettmg mighty
ten feet apart, grabbed the 12-
inch scalpel out of his hand and
held it to his throat until I got
morphine, lots of it.
Another type of advertising that
people detest is the Mystery Com
mercial, in which there is no
earthly way to tell what product is
being advertised.
These commercials usually con
sist of many apparently random
images flashing rapidly past on
the screen, and then, at the end,
you see a Nike swoosh, or the
IBM logo, or Mr. Whipple.
People are sick and tired of see
ing actors pretend to be deeply
emotionally attached to their
breakfast cereals. People also
frankly do not believe that the
woman in the Special K com
mercials got to be thin and
shapely by eating Special K.
Patricia Gualdoni wrote: “I have
eaten enough Special K cereal to
sink a battleship, and I look a lot
more like a battleship than the
woman in the ad did.
People are also skeptical of the
Denorex shampoo commercials.
“How do we know that the tin
gling sensation isn’t battery acid
eating through your scalp?” asked
Alyssa Church.
Flere are just a few of the other
views expressed by the thousands
of readers who responded to the
survey:
Andy Elliott wrote: “I hate ra
dio ads that say, ‘Our prices are
so low, we can’t say them on the
radio!’ Why? Will people start
bleeding from the ears if they
hear these prices?”
Michael Howard wrote: “I live
near Seattle and there is one chan
nel that runs commercials ap
proximately every five minutes
advertising the fact that they have
a helicopter. Can you believe it?
A helicopter!”
A.J. VanHorn theorized that
“the increase in suicides among
young people is due to the beer
commercial showing a bunch of
rednecks in a beat-up pickup
swigging beer from cans and tell
ing everyone ‘It don t git no bet
ter ‘n this’.”
Kathy Walden objected to
“Wal-Mart commercials that
shamelessly try to portray all Wal-
Mart customers as poor, unedu
cated, rural, and concerned pri
marily with reproducing them
selves. Of course, this is true, but
still...”
There were many, many more
strong comments, but I’m out of
space.
So I’m going to close with a
statement penned by a reader
identifying himself as “Flat Foot
Sam,” who I believe spoke for
millions of consumers when he
wrote these words:
“I’d like to buy the world a
Coke,”
“And spray it out my nose.”
ACROSS
1 Ride a wave
5 Scrub
10 McEntire of
music
14 Edible spread
15 Old Greek
thinker
16 Arab VIP
17 Nullify
18 — free delivery
19 Conifer
20 Bakery items
22 Gives way
24 Crude dwelling
25 Pomes
26 Be against
29 Traverse
30 Haggard or
Oberon
31 Actress Thomas
32 Evil
35 Like a desert
36 T ropical eel
37 Ice cream —
38 Opp. of pos.
39 Like many
animals
40 List of
candidates
41 Domineering
42 Full-page
illustrations
43 Robber at sea
45 Your and my
46 City in.Jhe
PhilipiJlnes
47 First
52 Watched
53 Calls
55 City in Alaska
56 Dried out
57 A+ or B-, e.g.
58 Blissful place
59 Hardens
60 Fish
61 Watch over
DOWN
1 Bouilkxi
2 Arm bone
3 Ohio players
4 Secure standing
5 Fairy
6 Hint
7 Items for rowers
8 Actress Hagen
rt 12 13
01996 Tribune Media Services. Inc
All rights resefved.
9 Short and fat
10 Repulses
11 Zola
12 Ties
13 War god
21 Trick
23 — facto
25 Dress in finery
26 Arabian gulf
27 Father: Fr.
28 Straitlaced one
29 Tote
31 Code name
32 Vessel
33 Poker stake
34 Poor grades
36 Wild horses
37 Musical
instrument
39 Young equine
40 Hit hard
41 “Seven — for
Seven Brothers"
42 Balanced
43 Check recipient
ANSWERS
44 Sluggish
46 Quantity of food
47 — Khayyam
48 Perform again
49 Protuberance
50 — comer
51 Furnish
54 Cun/ed line