The Banner ■
September 1,1999
Opinions
Septembe
- The Banner -
Editorial
Big waves
Wannabe
We are reminded again of our lack of diversity, despite our
attempts to institutionalize our appreciation and appeal to
minority groups.
So far, it just ain’t workin’. In fact, the situation has gotten
worse in terms of numbers of minority students attending
UNCA-in the face of humanities curriculum changes to become
more inclusive of other cultures. Perhaps academically we are
more diverse than your average Joe university, but our student
body falls short of representing our own population in terms of
race stratification.
“We sell ourselves on diversity, but we are not even representa
tive of the greater population,” said Rita Martin, a student
assistant to our new coordinator of multi-cultural student
programs.
How bold to proclaim our liberal arts banner as accepting and
being appealing to diverse cultures when they don’t even want
to come here. The numbers are going down folks, and interna
tional students aren’t picking our “diverse” atmosphere as there
institution of choice.
Are we fake in our advertising? Perhaps it just feels good to
pretend we are a politically correct, socially saint-like, fully
accepting group of people. But fear not the truth; and lets
expose our lack of racial and cultural diversity (unless you still
believe in the Mason-Dixon line cultural divide).
A little institutional introspection might enlighten our beloved
liberal arts university, and we can admit who we are, and work
from there, without believing any lies about our own diversity.
Plans for pocket change
Perhaps it is appropriate that former chancellor Patsy Reed’s
name now adorns a section of campus in front of our cafeteria.
Like the offerings from the otherwise friendly folks at the
Marriott, our ex-chancellor’s short reign here at UNCA was so
devoid of substance that it was best taken in indigestible bite-
size portions.
However, pointing out every broken promise Patsy left for
someone to sweep up doesn’t make the shortcomings from her
administration disappear. Take the proposed renovations to the
Highsmith University Center for example.
There seems to be a considerable amount of support for the
$ 13 million refurbished Mecca student center where everyone
on campus will inevitably make a pilgrimage to with baited
breath. Only, the pockets of UNCA are about $10 million
short, and the manager isn’t going to let us do dishes to work off
the fee.
Despite this, the $3.5 million that has been recently allotted to
the project can do a great deal to alleviate inadequacies the
building currently has. It would be nice to just know the place
has a sturdy roof so guests to our school won’t see the embar
rassment on our faces from having tarps hanging from the
ceiling of our bookstore.
Yes, a great number of students would embrace the reality of
more dining choices and other amenities that students at other
schools have at their disposal, but until we have the funding to
proceed with such lofty ambitions, they’re best kept at just that:
lofty ambitions.
It would be more absurd to keep delaying the basic repairs that
need to be done to the building before all the wishes pinned on
it make, its already fragile roof cave in.
Suifin' UNCA
Each year, you can tell the students who have purchased text
books from the bookstore in previous semesters. Wallets and
checkbooks in hand, the inevitability of leaving the store minus
a couple hundred dollars is a nightmare they know all too well.
However, it appears that, much to the chagrin of the bookstore,
more than a few UNCA students are pointing and clicking their
way around, finding their textbooks at much more modest prices
online.
If online shopping has one tragic flaw, it’s the impersonal
nature inherent to the in-store shopping process. And in this case
there is no comparison if customer service is an important aspect
of your book-purchasing experience. Only at our bookstore can
you flip through the pages of a text you’ll need for humanities
class minutes later.
If you can’t fool the kids forever, then you must become your
competition. Therefore, the bookstore has joined with online
partner efollett.com to make it easier for UNCA students to
purchase the textbooks on their shelves. If this partnership has
been formed for the betterment of the students then it deserves
applause, but if it is simply intended to discourage students from
finding the best deail, it deserves an equal amount of contempt.
So far, the benefits of this merger, according to manager Mike
Small, seem to be a greater access to used textbooks and the Web
site s book list feature, which allows students to find what text
they need by simply clicking on the cousses they’re taking.
According to Small, should a student order from an online
service other than efollet.com, UNCA wouldn’t have any part of
it. That just might be the best motivation yet to start surfing.
Inspiration for the newbies
Ah, home again, home again.
Nothing like learning to get my
blood flowing. Yes, my fair readers,
I am back again to give you the
benefit ofconservative opinions and
raucous satire. But, for my first
column this year, I shall extend a
hand of welcome and salutations to
all the new little freshmen out there.
This column is for all those people
standing around, wondering who
they are supposed to pay for this
First off, congratulations for
choosing Asheville, hope you have
fun, pray you get financial aid, may
the fleas of a thousand camels infest
your armpits. The usual. But, I
simply must congratulate you for
surviving public high school. All
you wimps that took the easy way
out with private schools or home
schooling made the right choice.
I have been through the horrors
of public schools, and can tell you it
was no easy feat. But college life is
different (duh). So, to help all of
you acclimate to this wonderful
new environment, I have come up
with a list of helpful hints gleaned
from various friends, professors and
my own experience.
Rule A: Forget your age. No, this
is not because the march of time has
Liam
Bryan
columnist
already taken its toll on your youth
ful visage, but because it really
does not matter here. In high
school, you were stuck in your
caste, whether it be freshman or
senior.
Freshmen cannot play varsity.
Freshmen cannot be in student
government. Freshmen cannot
hold oflPice in clubs. Freshmen can
not take calculus. Forget that think
ing here.
This is my sophomore year. Last
year, I was only asked once as to
what my grade level was. Why?
Because it does not matter! Who
cares if you are 18 or 80!
This is finally a place where you
are judged by your abilities, not by
the last true discrimination in
America (I am talking about age
ism, people!). I know people 30
years old that are on their sopho
more year, and 21 year olds that
are finishing this semester. Forget
your age, friend. It does not matter
here.
Rule 2: Do what you want. No,
I am not discussing the merits of
debaucherous lust and carnal de
sires (that is for next time), but
activities you enjoy. Enjoy sing
ing? We have choirs. Have fun
acting? Audition for plays. Love
dancing? Join the Dance Club.
Music? Biology? Math? Literature?
Those things people play where they
get paid a lot of money to throw
balls around? We have organizations
for all these and more.
And, if you do not find anything
you like, make your own club. Last
semester, we did not have a dance
club or a dance minor. A year or two
ago, we did not have the multimedia
major. But, thanks to the support of
students like you, we now have these
things.
Remember high school? Remem
ber the clubs? The French club was
at war with the Latin club. The
dancers locked horns with the sing-
The actors fought each other. The
band geeks would take on everyone.
The jocks-well, let us leave the pro
tozoa out of this.
My point is you can be in as many
things as you want. You can do what
you want. You have freedom not
only to be yourself but to explore
your interests like never before,
which leads me to my next rule.
Rule III: We like you, until you
give us reason otherwise. Oh, this is
an important one. Themomentyou
walked through the doors of your
high school for the very first time,
you were assaulted.
Whether it be your clothes, shoes,
book covers, backpack, headband,
bathrobe, birthmark, chewing gum,
friends, enemies, vehicle, parents’
reputation, or transmission of your
second uncle’s Buick, people would
find a way to batter you. If you
survived at all, you had to develop
that killer’s instinct yourself.
You grew accustomed to hating
people the moment you saw them.
You understood the wisdom of so
cially killing someone before they
could kill you.
Here, on the hallowed ground of
higher learning we are your friends.
(Can you tell I bought a thesaurus
this summer?) Until your own ac
tions and opinions tell us 'other
wise, we shall like you. So drop
your armor! Lay down yourweapon!
We are at peace with you. Yes, there
will be jerks here. Yes, you might
find yourself embroiled in a battle
of sarcasm and wit with someone
who speaks that ignominious
phrase, “I don’t see your name on
it!” But, as a whole, give them the
benefit of the doubt.
Rule D: Get involved. I never
thought I would utter those words.
How do you become cool in high
school?
Be apathetic, be cynical and be
jaded. How do you become popu
lar here? Make friends. Meet people,
You do not have to vote for SGA
elections or anything, but at least
make your presence known in your
favorite departments. Spend
with your favorite clubs. Have fun!
Rule V: Be nice to your room
mate. No one else can make your
life a more veritable hell than a
snubbed or sleep-deprived ro
mate, so give them room. Do
tell them that you think their
few should be 11 p.m. Do not sleep
naked with the window open. Do
not glue all of their furniture to the
ceiling.
Rule i; Enjoy your time here. This
is probably the most fiin you will
ever get a chance to experience. So
experience it! Go to clubs, meet
people, fall in love, fall out of love,
learn cuneiform, and just live life.
Did you have a terrible time in
high school? Were you disgusted
with the way it was run? Did you
detest the 50-hour weeks? So did I.
But this is.not’high school. So, to all
you newbies out there, I wish you
fair weather on'your next five years
of life and learning.
Sti
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Seek truth below the surface
Eric
Jacobson
columnist
OK, that does it. My computer
screen remains blank because my
subconscious feels the monitor
looks good in white, my chair is
developing a permanent impres
sion of my hind-side so deep that
I’m being sucked in, and my fingers
are so numb that I’ve started gluing
sewing needles pointy-side up to
the keys of the keyboard so that I
can figure out where my fingers are
when I’m typing. I can’t figure out
a way to change the broad approach
this column is taking, so I’m just
going to let it fly the way it is.
I’ve read TheBannersincelstaned
attending UNCA several years ago,
and I think most of the columns
that are printed are under-re-
searched, and it’s often the same
stuff' everyone already knew.
If you’re anything like me, you’ve
thought that the quad is a waste of
good parking space, the food in the
cafeteria would, if it could, grow its
-vn legs and walk out because it’s
- bad, the price of books in the
bookstore is so high that it gets hard
^ 1 breathe when the bill starts break-
Lg into six-digit figures.
You ve probably learned all of
those pearls of wisdom on your
own, and when you pick up an issue
of T/je Banner, what you read is
some redundant, reiterative,
“haven’t I read this column be
fore,” mass of babble written by
someone who thinks they deserve
a Nobel Peace Prize because they
just discovered a huge problem
pressing UNCA students that no
one knew about before they dis
covered it.
Thankyou, columnists, for point
ing out to me that parking is really
bad. I didn’t realize this when I
spent rwo and a half hours driving
my car around the campus this
morning, only to eventually find
out that the best legal parking space
for me to use is the driveway in
front of my house.
News flash: UNCA is making
tens of thousands of dollars each
year in parking fines. Why in the
name of UNCA would any insti
tution change this policy? If we
want better parking, we need to
stop parking illegally because our
lazy asses couldn’t use the extra 50
feet of exercise to get from the lot
to our class. The only way that the
administration i:
gomg t
taking our pleas seriously is if it’„
less profitable to suffer our com
plaints than it is to build^more
parking spaces.
Or better yet, did you know that
the cost of books is really expensive
in the bookstore? Instead of a qual
ity, researched article that enlight
ens us with the fact that the reason
books’ prices are really high isn’t
the fault of the bookstore, rather
the fact that our teachers want us to
learn something by picking books
that aren’t mainstream, the colum
nist just sits down and starts whin
ing about how their bookstore bill
was so much.
News flash: books that are printed
in small numbers have to make up
the cost of the printing process by
raising the cover price of the book.
Our professors feel that some of the
mainstream, regularly-printed text
books are too elementary for our
amazingly intellectual minds, so they
pick books that are filled with more
usefiil information but aren’t printed
in large quantities. Therefore, we
get a better education, but we have
to pay for it. If you don’t like it,
Asheville-Buncombe Technical
Community College is right down
the road, be my guest.
The food in the cafeteria sucks.
No, really. Ifyou stand by the entrde-
of-the-evening and stay really quiet,
I swear you will hear it breathing.
We don t need a columtiist telling
us this. News flash; you can use the
same logic applied to figure out the
high cost of books when talking
about the meal plan. UNCA has
maybe 1500 students living in resi
dence. Arizona State University,
the school I’m not proud to say I
attended before transferring here,
had nearly 5000 students living on
campus. Multiply the number of
students by the cost of the mini
mum meal plan, and the reason why
the food sucks at UNCA but is so
good elsewhere becomes apparent;
there simply isn’t a large enough
pool of money to make gourmet
food for 1500 students when you’ve
only got the money that comes from
1500 students.
This also explains why every stu
dent living on campus is required to
buy a meal plan. If the food is this
terrible when everyone is paying for
it, I don’t want to see the kind of
evolutionary process that would oc
cur on the primordial goop we’d
have for dinner if some people de
cided to fend for themselves rather
than buy a meal plan.
Finally, it’s time to discuss the
astounding revelation that UNCA’s
administration doesn’tseem to care
about what the students think. Ac
tually, this problem will hopefully
fix itself Recently, UNCA had a
change in chancellors. Patsy “I’m
just here until my pension plan is
vested” Reed findily left last sum
mer when Iier ’husband patented a
refillable patch for transdermal
delivery,(made huge leaps and
bounds in medical science). Her
view of UN CA students can be best
expressed by the huge entourage of
various and sundry administration
members that she kept around her
at all times to prevent the possible
contact with students.
News flash: UNCA, the only lib
eral arts institution in the UNC-
system, finally has a chancellor who
may actually reflect those same ide
als. Chancellor James Mullen signed
on diis summer, and has already been
seen...gasp...talking with students
and helping out with jobs and situa
tions where other chancellors
wouldn’t be seen to go. I’ll keep you
posted on where this one goes.
What we need is a student body
who does what it’s supposed to do at
college: get educated about every
thing it comes in contact with.
The test weapons we have against
any problems we encounter in soci
ety or on campus are our education
and our experience. Education we
can derive from our professors and
classes at UNCA. Experience we
can gather from utilizing that very
education we receive to make a
stand against problems we observe
in our daily lives and trying to
change things for the better. I hope
our time invested at UNCA will
impart us with the wisdom to see
the real problems within the depths
rather than being tempted to sim
ply skirt the issue’s surface.
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