The Banner ■
September 30,1999
Opinions
The Banner -
Editorial
View from a comer
Obligation
In the wake of university-wide fluff talk about community
involvement, we have the opportunity to extend our wings of
charity to aid our kinfolk downstate, Hurricane Floyd flood
victims.
Over 3000 homes have been destroyed or seriously damaged,
more than 2000 are still in shelters, caskets are floating in the
streets, and 47 are dead as a result of the hurricane and the
torrential rains that have followed.
Campuses across the state are working together to raise support
(money and people) for East Carolina University relief efforts.
If we want to live up to our new, overly discussed ideals for
community involvement, there is ample opportunity beyond
these hills.
But if you can’t make the hike downstate, venture five minutes
outside of idealistic UNCA world, and the opportunities to aid
in the community are endless.
Yes, we need to lure people on campus for “adult-playing” with
annual events like Fall Fling. That’s great and all. Unfortunately,
some people’s needs go beyond what a fling with our university
can give them, and rather than fun on our quad, complete with
face painting, duck ponds, and a dunking booth, they need food
or a new roof. ,
A day of playing on the quad can be classified as service to the
community with a little stretch of the imagination, but involve
ment surely extends beyond the sidewalks of the quad, and this
year’s fling likely will not unite the campus community or local
community any more than previous flings.
Let’s not be naive. Real world problems require real effort to
solve. Don’t wait for the community to find us so we can all
bond under the ambiance of live performances and shooting
ranges.
Community involvement requires us to put all the rhetoric and
games aside long enough to do something practical about it, and
we can be united in our giving and service. Feed people, build
homes, or tutor kids.
Plastic trap
Few feelings in the world can match the discomfort associated
with living in an environment of constant impulse buying and
not having the funds to participate.
Despite the fact that UNCA provides students with an afford
able education, the freedom of making purchases whenever and
wherever you want is alluring to most students.
Unfortunately, when some students run out of the kind of
currency that folds and jingles, they produce a small piece of
plastic from their wallets that can spell big trouble.
And each year those that avoid swimming in this potential
pool of debt are solicited by off-campus organizations offering
little more than flashy t-shirts with the year’s latest hip craze or
pop idol emblazoned across the front.
So, we hope students this semester who choose to become
assimilated into the masses of plastic-carrying consumers
practice responsibility. Besides, you already have a cool shirt,
there should be no need for that spontaneous trip to the mall.
Lock box
Adopted animals in our state have more rights than some
students on this campus—students that have been adopted.
In North Carolina, adopted animals and their owners have
access to the animals’ original medical records, a privilege
adopted people in this state don’t enjoy, even when they reach
adulthood.
We have good ol’ conservative, archaic N.C. legislation to
thank for this particular discriminatory law.
But, we are not the first to see the sub-human treatment of
adoptees bound up in this legislation.
On Sept. 28, our progressive, redneck friends to the west,
Tennessee’s citizens, became benefactors of a law allowing
adoptees to see their adoption records when they reach 21
years, even if the birth parents want the information kept
The law was passed in 1995, challenged within two weeks,
and upheld by the Tennessee State Supreme Court on Tuesday.
In North Carolina, adoption records are sealed, meaning that
adoptees are legally restricted from vital medical information
and history—so forget ethinicity or genealogy; our adoptees can
only guess.
Adoption records have also been opened in Alaska and Kan
sas, and similar legislation is planned in Oregon, Massachusetts,
Connetticut, and New Jersey.
Our own state legislative bills that address this issue have been
in a stalemate for years, rotting on the legislative debate table,
because of fear of change.
Maybe Tennessee’s state court sticking out its neck for
adoptees’ rights will inspire our reps to live on the wild side,
and grant a segment of our population, no doubt a segment of
our student body, their full rights.
Hypocrisy hinders change
Eric
Jacobson
columnist
I’m tired of the new age of hippies.
There is no war at the moment, and
their parents are all super-powered
yuppies with BM Ws who obviously
made enough money to get them to
a point where they could send their
kids to UNCA. And yet, the hippie
kids of yuppies, from here on re
ferred to as “yippies,” sit around
dressing badly and smoking bad
cigarettes, spouting off the horrors
of eating meat and the problems
with the environment.
Now, the dressing badly I don’t
care about. As far as I’m concerned,
ifl could come to school with noth
ing but my “If you can read this.
I’m not wearing any pants” boxer
shorts and my “Peanut Butter did
this to me” t-shirt, I would.
So, fine. If you want to wear
someone’s old hammock as a dress,
go right ahead. Be my guest. Watch
out for the little critters that like the
hammock fabric, though.
In fact, 1 don’t even mind the
smoking of bad cigarettes. Al
though the argument could be made
that there is no such thing as a good
cigarette, most yippies have the
courtesy to do it outside, and that’s
great.
I do have
point: why i
people will smoke in the bathroom?
I understand that the bathroom
usually smells downright foul, but
there’s no smoking in the building.
and since the bathroom
building one may conclude that and although that’
there should be no smoking in the for
bathroom, too. ing.
One could make the argument If yoi
It seems to me that some people
decided to become yippies because
they didn’t particularly like shower
ing, and figured that’d be a good
excuse not to, but c’mon! The idea
that our natural smell should be
attractive is a nice thought, and it’s
a real shame that civilization sprang
up on the planet and created de
odorant, but I’m pretty sure no
employer in his or her right mind
would hire someone who smelled of
pig manure and dog drool.
And then there’s the body hair.
I’ve asked around, and most women
I’ve talked to find the bushy-lum-
the berjack beard look a tad outdated,
problem
the fleas are a little disturb-
; how much of
my body. And then the women.
I’m not sure I can do the proper
amount of justice to the terror that
overtakes me
whenayippie-
girl waves to
her friends and
there’s a taran
tula under her
that the other smells in the bath- the food chain you can support on
room could cause lung cancer, but your body, that’s fine, but keep it off
at the moment there’s only con
clusive evidence found against ciga
rette smoke, so take it outside.
There you can
smoke away.
Make like a
truck’s exhaust
pipe and just
blow tar into the
it’s not affecting
me, I don’t give
a flip.
It’ll give doc-
to make money
off of in the fu
ture when the
lung cancer
the lungs
Make like a Mack
semi-truck’s ex
haust pipe and
just blow tar into
the air. As long as
it’s not affecting
me, I don’t give a
flip.
your right if
you don’t
want to shave,
but please be
kind to the rest
dresses with
Onward
comes the ap-
into prunish masses of black goo. patently necessary vegetarianism.
One of my problems with yippies If a yippie wants to eat nothing but
e question on this
t that some other
has to do with the body odor and
body hair.
graphic,
bear in Canada bathes
;getables, that’s fine by me, but
don’t start spouting off about how
I understand that the yippie eating meat kills poor little ani-
nts to live “au naturel,” but last mals. Just because they’re cute and
I watched National Geo- make noises doesn’t make them
the massive black any more alive than any plant out
there.
In fact, most animals do little more
than eat, sleep, and defecate into
people’s school bags, while plants
actually execute photosynthetic
processes that clean carbon dioxide
from the air and give fresh oxygen
to the atmosphere.
I’d like to make the argument that
being a vegetarian harms the e
ronn?ent more than just eating
Not to mention that just because
the human ear can only hear in a
limited number of frequencies and
is actually an extremely imprecise
device, doesn’t mean that plants
don’t scream in pain when we cut
them down. Maybe we’re just not
hearing them.
Findly, there’s the get-back-to-
nature attitude that usually comes
with some red tape attached to the
let’s-save-the-planet attitude.
Don’t talk to me about how im
portant it is to eat food without
preservatives or insecticides, and
then grab a cup of java ove
Beanstreets Coffee.
Sure, the United States has pl
of laws and regulations about using
nasty pesticides on coffee bean
plants, but I’m pretty sure the coun
tries that grow the stuff don’t really
And then the whole “drive less,
save gas” thing—nothing gets my
goat more, yes, I have one, than
hearing someone spout off on the
damage that cars are doing to the
atmosphere, and then watch as
they get in their 1960-whatever
Volkswagen bus that exudes more
pollutants than a paper mill.
In the end, the problem isn’t
that yippies exist, it’s that they
don’t live up to the ideals they
state as being so necessary to liv
ing a good life, but turn around
and yell at others for being hypo-
Time to grow up, my yippie
The people who really change
the world don’t just look it, they
Parking skills for battleground
Jennifer
Ross
columnist
night e
ti you free counsel-
This way, one might avoid a ticket
for illegally parking and still have an
excellent parking spot. Caution:
before using the sledgehammer
method, take out large amounts of
Ah, the joy of the daily student
commute in all its glory of road rage
and gasoline fumes.
Perhaps it’s the last minute rush to
class or the simple lack of available
student commuter parking, but in
those five minutes before every class,
the parking lots turn into battle
grounds.
Nearly all of us have experienced
the battles over parking spaces. Of
course we could always just park in
an overflow lot or the lot near Carol
Belk Theatre, but what is the fun in
that?
The following are some sugges
tions for how to park quickly and
with skill.
Tired of the hassle of actively hav
ing to follow students to their cars
to get a good parking space.
I suggest carrying a lasso in your
car at all times, so that instead of
pursuing students returning to their
cars, you can just lasso them, throw
your car in neutral, and let them
tow you to their spot.
Of course, if your aim’s not that
good, or their real slippery and you
just can’t hook them, I suggest
practicing on non-moving targets
during class or on moving targets
in soccer games to increase your
lassoing skills.
On those days when the police
have confiscated your lasso, you
could try to find alternative park
ing spaces.
Of course, there are sidewalks,
fire lane parking, handicapped
parking, faculty parking, motor
cycle parking and even bike racks;
in which one might theoretically
fit a car.
However, seeing as public safety
can issue parking tickets to every
illegally parked car in Western
North Carolina in one minute flat,
one has to be more creative.
My suggestion to you is to always
keep a sledgehammer in your trunk
for emergencies just like this.
First, drive up to the building
your class is in and put your emer
gency lights on.
Second, take your sledgehammer
and pound your car’s engine while
pretending your Gallagher (this
If, perhaps, the police have confis
cated your sledgehammer and lasso,
try the borrowed car approach (in
fact you might have to if the sledge
hammer method has left your own
car out of service).
In this approach, one might park
in any available space and simply
claim you’re a visitor.
I would suggest not wearing your
book bag or Bulldog Day t-shirt
when making this argument.
I would also suggest wearing a mas
ter disguise such as those plastic
glasses and mustache faces so that
around the 5 th or 40th time when
they catch on, your true identity is
protected from discovery.
If the police have confiscated your
glasses and mustache disguise, sledge
hammer and lasso, you could al
ways try the inflatable dummy ap
proach. First, get an inflatable
dummy and drive into a crowded
parking lot.
Get in the most-in-the-way-place
you can, and park. Leave the inflat
able dummy in the driver’s seat and
go on to class.
Leaving the turn signal on, as an
additional annoyance for the guy
waiting for the dummy to move, is
optional.
Rest assured that your inflatable
dummy will continue to block traf
fic as you sit in class.
By now, the police have confis
cated your inflatable dummy,
glasses and mustache disguise,
sledgehammer and lasso. And your
cars have been impounded, but the
semester will probably be over by
the time you used all these options,
and you’ll have all of Christmas to
come up with new and interesting
ways ro park.
So good luck to you all in your
parking lot wars.
Student Health Services will be
offering $7 flu shots on the fol
lowing dates and locations: Oct.
6,12 p.m-2p.m. in the student
health center; Oct. 14,12 p.m.-2
p.m. and Nov. 3,12 p.m.-2 p.m.
in Highsmith lobby.
With the vis
kins and ch.
comes SGA’s ;
Fling.
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