Page 2 The Clarion November 18, 1987
CLARION
Editor Biar Orrell
Assistant Editor Bill Meiners
Editorial Page Editor April Woods
Sports Editor Kim Belanger
Advertising Director Jim Barker
Staff Reporters Andrea Henry, Dorsey Waldron, Carlisle
Turner, Jay Schulthess, Danny Perry, Kenny Monteith, Pat
Mellon, Mike McGee, Julia Love, Juan Kincaid, Kathy Har-
bin.^Heather Conrad, Jay Carter, Selena Lauterer, Mark
Brom, Lee Hegge, and Celia Alves.
Faculty Advisor Jock Lauterer
Commentary
Learning a lesson
by Mike McGee
I was on my way home from a quad par
ty at Clemson when it happened.
It was about 4 a.m. when we passed
Caesar’s Head. I was slowly hypnotized by
the blur of vegetation and sharp drop-offs
as we headed down the mountain.
The steady soothing rhythms of Pink
Floyd were clearly flowing through my
car, and I was more than half asleep when
it began.
My half-closed eyes snapped open with
terror as I realized we were going too fast
for an approaching curve.
Time stood still for a second as I realized
I could do nothing to stop the oncoming
disaster.
Then in a pandemonium of screaming
brakes, griding metal and half-heard
prayers, we slammed into an embank
ment.
The car heaved up on one side and then
rolled onto its back with a decisive crunch.
I blacked out when the car rolled— and
when I finally came to, it was to the
screaming voices of my friends.
When my eyes opened I realized that I
was upside down in my car. The first thing
I thought was that I was dreaming. This
couldn’t be happening — but it was.
I got out of the car and began to look at
the damage.
We were very lucky because no one was
hurt, but it wasn’t over yet.
I had to call the police and gel a wrecker.
My perceptions were hazed by a long
night with almost no sleep. But then the
wailing siren of an approaching police car
echoed through the valley, and was soon
accompanied by a brilliant array of
flashing blue lights.
we were separated almost immediately
and asked what happened.
Then I was frisked and hand-cuffed to a
friend in the back of a patrol car.
At this point I became truly fearful about
what could happen to me because of this
one stupid mistake.
Even now, almost a month after the
wreck I think about it every day. I think
about it every time I see a sunset or a
sunrise, because I don’t know if I would be
counting sunrises and sunsets now if I
hadn’t been wearing my seatbelt.
Corridors
Again
I have dreamt
Of corridors winding
Endlessly circling.
Light from my candle flickers in the doorways—
In this room the shadows dance
With apron-strings and lullabyes—
With saddle-oxfords and alma-moters—
Dimly, in another
Echo linked cuffs and the 6 o’clock news.
But too many times
In the doorways, the
Black absorbs.
And the light finds no reflections—
Not even the memory of a shadow—
Dancer moves
On down the corridor
To find another
Doorway.
Hoping that here will be a room
Where the light can shine and
Reflect.
April Woods
o
£
The Mellon Patch
Column words
no matter what
by Pat Mellon
They say English is the most difficult
language to learn. I beg to differ. I’ve been
speaking fluent English, for more than 19
years, and I honestly believe I could talk
even before I was born. But I am a man of
many tongues. I can speak eloquent
Spanish, I can recite the Gettysburg Ad
dress in Swedish and Yugoslavian, and
I’ve even been known to mumble some an
cient Hungarian proverbs in my sleep. My
linguistic credentials are astounding, I
assure you.
But we can all speak English. And we
can all speak it well. Why, then, is it, (ac
cording to people who speak something
else, I guess) the most difficult to learn?
Personally, I think Japanese should hold
that title. Brevard has its share of
Japanese students, and it’s given me a lit
tle insight on the matter. I’d probably be
able to learn how to give birth before I’d be
able to learn Japanese. It’s a scary
language.
Maybe I’ve seen too many Godzilla
movies and Ultraman episodes, but for
some reason, I have nightmares about
large lizard-like creatures standing at the
foot of my bed shooting fire from their
nostrils, speaking English while their jaws
flap in Japanese.
Maybe the degree of difficulty revolving
around the English language has
something to do with things that aren’t the
basic language, like idioms, figures of
speech, or cliches.
Try to explain “you are what you eat” to
a foreign person.
Why can’t you teach an old dog new
tricks? Wouldn’t an older dog be smarter?
And what’s a new trick? Let’s see...there’s
shake hands, roll over, play dead and
fetch. “Fifi, run out and start daddy’s car,
would ya’? That’s a good pooch.” Let’s
face it — you can’t teach a dog a whole lot,
no matter how young he is.
I started saving Wrongs in hopes of mak
ing a Right one day. How many do you
think it will take? I know two won’t do it.
Sometimes it’s just the wording of a
phrase or the verb usage.
MAKE-UP — You “make up” your face,
but you “put on” make up. But a “put on”
is a joke, and you can also “make up” your
mind. I have this other nightmare where
someone slices the cop of my skull off with
hedge-clippers and puts blush on my brain.
But I guess you should “make up” your
mind so it looks nice when you change it.
SEX— Why do you have sex, but you
make love? (I’m NOT talking about the
difference- I’m talking about the
wording!) The verb “to have” is usually
associated with possession — you have a
blue shirt, you have a dog, and you have
some mayonnaise in the refrigerator. So, if
you have sex, where do you keep it? Also,
problems arise with the phrase “Wait a
sec.” If it takes longer, then it becomes
secs, and where do you keep them?
The verb “to make” is generally
associated with creation. You make a
cake, you make dinner and you make a
doll house. So if you make love, when are
you done? When have you made love? (I’ll
move on.)
Let’s say a guy flies in from France. He
knows a little English, but not much. He
rents a car at the airport. He opens the
door and sits down in the seat. A light on
the dash panel says “Your door is ajar.”
So this guy goes through life thinking doors
and jars are the same thing.
The lady who works in the teller window
at the bank starts wearing wild, flam
boyant clothes to work. I guess she’s mak
ing a bank statement.
If someone embarrasses you, you might
claim the title of “Laughing Stock.” But, if
someone doesn’t do that, how can you
achieve such glory? Can you buy Laughing
stock?
Homonyms are confusing too. I always
had trouble with to, too, and two, (when I
was really young — three or four months)
but there are so many others.
Last month, I really got sick. I was in a
daze for a while, then I felt weak.
English is a crazy language. I guess I
would have trouble learning it if I didn’t
already know it.
The Message Board
My Dearest Melissa,
You are one of the sweetest girls I know.
Don’t ever change. Thanks for being such
a good friend.
Love Ya’ Always,
Alan
Faith and Chris,
“Looks like a yogurt-kind of weed-end!”
Love you both,
Te-Ta
Billy, go pick up that candy wrapper.
Aunt Betty’s going to start pushing but
tons.”
Bumper and Shelley,
“ I have been blessed by Mother Nature...
which is causing me to be a shepherd.
Love you both,
Te-Ta
Skeeter,
Thanks for all of your support in keeping
the “green man” out of my head.
Pearl
Kerry,
I gave the necklace back! Why, did you
want it?