Volume 78, April Fool's Issue
SERVING BREVARD COLLEGE SINCE 69 BC
Since Michael Cohen has been in
the paper for the past three issues
the Clarion staff did not want him to
miss out on this special edition so
there is a "Where's Michael" hidden
between these pages. Good luck!
April 1, 2013
New mascot revealed: Goodbye Tornado!
By Chad Kelly
Minion
This past week President Joyce has revealed that Fall 2013 will
mark the beginning of a new college mascot, exchanging the Tornado
for the White Squirrel.
One of the members on the Board of Trustees brought up the idea
after comparing the destructive power of tornados to the damage
done to Beam Hall and other residential facilities.
“Because of the extensive damage we have seen done to this
campus by students,” one member stated “we came to realize that
our mascot was the main cause ...we felt as a whole that there
needed to be a change.”
“It was a very difficult decision to make,” said Joyce “but
something had to be done to help the school prosper.”
Joyce and the Board both agreed on the squirrel because of its
“.. .local origins and docile nature... we have even received special
permission from the U.S. Department of Forestry to adopt a local
squirrel to raise and train as our official mascot! Soon the whole
campus will know of ‘Willy the White Squirrel!’”
Some of the other options included the Bears, the Mountaineers,
and the Human Beings.
“None of those really fit Brevard; and I think that last one was from
a T.V. show... Overall, what sounds better than ‘Brevard College:
Home of the White Squirrels’?”
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TPHAT hosts kissing booth
By Emily Deck-A-Strick
Arts & Crafts
This April 1, TPHAT will station a kissing
booth in the main courtyard between MG and
MS from 4 a.m. to 10 p.m.
In an effort to raise awareness about
Mononucleosis or “gross lip death,” TPHAT
will be charging 1$ for any conscientious
student who wants to kiss a member of the
cycling team. The BC Scuba-Diving club
will also provide “share-me shakes” as
refreshments.
The money will go towards integrated
toilet-water fountains in the MG restrooms.
As BC strives to become a more eco-friendly
and well-hydrated campus, these toilet-water
devices will reduce costs and make it easier
for students to pee and have a sip of water in
between classes.
BC—Get ready to lock your lips and
share your sips to raise awareness about this
seriously unattractive disease.
Screw Lacrosse, let's play Quidditch!
By Olivia Faucet
The Kitchen Sink
This past Sunday SAAC (Student Athletic
Advisory Committee) met and discovered that
the Athletic Department had decided to use the
money originally dedicated to the new lacrosse
program to fund a quidditch team instead.
Over 46 colleges have quidditch teams
including UNC Greensboro, NC State, College
of Charleston, Tennessee Tech, and Duke.
Although these teams are not in our Division
II conference, the IQA (International Quidditch
Association) really doesn’t give a damn.
The quidditch team which has been named the
“Brevard College Boggarts,” will by coached
by both Ralphene Rathbone and J. Thomas
Snodgrass.
Brevard College has decided to hold tryouts
on April 13 in honor of Quidditch World Cup VI
being held in Kissimmee, FL.
IQA^YV