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TheHilarion \ April 1,2014
WLEE professor to
study Culinary Arts
By Olivia Faucet
TheKitchen_Sinl^
B revard College professor of Wilderness
Leadership and Experiential Education,
Robert Dye, will be leaving on sabbatical this
fall to continue his pursuit in the Paleolithic
Culinary Arts.
“I have been doing the paleodiet on and off
for about a year now and I am getting pretty
tired of living on just nuts, berries, and raw
meat...I want to spend this time doing research
on the paleolithic diet and creating new meals,”
Dye said.
Dye has decided to venture to Germany to
study Neanderthal caves and remains.
“Our closest relatives lived in Eurasia from
around 200,000-30,000 B.C.E. in what is
known as the Pleistocene Epoch. They used
to live in limestone caves and I want to spend
this time examining their living areas and to
see if there is anything left behind” Dye said.
By left behind. Dye means anything ranging
from fecal remains and any type of petrified
food. “The life of a caveman was hard and I
want to know how they managed to stay alive
on their diet” Dye explained.
The paleodiet is based on the idea of eating
things only the caveman could find such as
grass fed meat, fish, veggies, fruits, nuts and
tubers (yams and sweet potatoes). Once Dye
has determined the types of foods that his true
ancestors once ate he is thinking about making
a paleodiet cook book.
“I am thinking about making paleo-desserts-
sugar cane and agave with berries or maybe
some type of bean thing. Once I have made
these different meals I will test them on my
CrossFit buddies.”
Dye is planning to travel all over the world to
see what types of paleodiets would be possible
in different regions. “I mean obviously the
paleo-food in the rain forests of the Amazon
will be different than those of the Himalayas.
I am planning to travel around the world to
see what type of paleo-meals can be created...
obviously there will be more bugs involved in
the Amazon region” Dye said.
His wife Andy and son Logan will be joining
him.
Dye is most eager to visit the South Pole,
despite there not being any recorded evidence
of humans ever living in the Antarctic. “You
never know. There could be remains hidden
beneath five feet of ice. I am really eager to
kill a penguin and create some type of soup
out of a seal” Dye said.
Dye then plans to present his findings to the
WLEE Department, the FDA, and Assoction of
Paleo Eaters (APE) in hopes of promoting the
idea of paleodieting around the world.
Annexation
From page 1
further raised tensions with fears of a regional
gas shortage in addition to anxieties about what
the change might mean for Ingles shoppers
craving Starbuck’s frappaccinos or exotic
over-priced olive medleys.
Historical claims on the region
In a video seen by nearly a dozen people
on his Facebook page, Hodges declared the
annexation was a return to historical Brevard
College borders. “This will be a day long
remembered,” he said. “We took this step to
restore to the college part of our historical
territory, and to guarantee our right to buy gas
at 5, 10, or even 20 cents off the posted price
per gallon ... if we have enough fuel points on
our Ingles Advantage™ card, that is.”
On that last point about Advantage’^''^ card
points, an SGA source close to the Hodges
regime admitted that there are some limits to
what can be accomplished by the land-grab;
even Hodges can’t change the Ingles fuel perks
program, such as allowing 99 accumulated
points from one month to roll over to the
next month instead of simply expiring but
nevertheless still being listed at the bottom
of store receipts like a bad reminder of what
could have been. “I mean, he is just a maniacal
power-hungry dictator,” the SGA official said.
“It’s not like he has any pull in the Ingles
corporation’s senior management.”
The annexed area was in fact part of Brevard
College territory until the early 1990s, when
BC president McLarty Coltrane Kroosschev
ceded the land to Ingles Markets in exchange
for funding to build the Porter Center for
Performing Arts. Even though the land became
part of the Ingles parking lot, however, most of
the cars residing in the area continued to have
strong ethnic ties to Brevard College, a point
which Hodges addressed in his videotaped
remarks.
“This is a blow for freedom for our Village
residents, for our Porter Center guests, for our
July 4th fireworks aficionados—for anyone
who has ever tried to park on campus but was
stymied by poor road conditions or lack of
available spaces,” he said. “And plus, now that
we own a car wash, we will never again have
to ride in dirty college vans to away games or
field trips.”
Annexation controversy
Hodges defended the timing of his invasion,
coming just a week after he appeared alongside
Ingles officials in a show of peace and
solidarity during opening ceremonies of the
Ingles-sponsored Tornado Games, in which
athletes from all around the BC campus
gathered at Brevard High School Stadium to
watch football players scrimmage and to help
sell boiled peanuts and funnel cake. “We need
that car wash,” he said. “We had to strike when
we did because very soon, spring pollen will
render most of our vehicles unusable to sit
on or even lean against when wearing light-
colored trousers.”
So far, Brevard College President David
Joyce has not commented on the controversial
annexation of land, leading at least one critic to
suggest that Joyce is just a puppet president, a
“mountain-biking figurehead to represent the
college in public but who is controlled behind
the scenes by an increasingly imperialistic and
out-of-control Hodges.”
A spokesperson from Joyce’s office denied
the suggestion, saying at a press conference
earlier today that Joyce was fully aware of
the situation and was wholly supportive of
“anything Hodges wants to do. ANYTHING.”
The press conference grew heated when
a reporter for The Hilarion asked the
spokesperson where Joyce was and she
responded, “The last 1 heard, he was ’rhoid-
buffing on the Bracken Mountain Trail.” When
the reporter pressed for more details, she
abruptly ended Q&A, walked off-stage and
got into a black SUV sporting a “Vote Nosehair
HODGES for SGA president” bumper sticker.
Unease among neighboring regions
The annexation has raised fears for other
landowners sharing a border with BC. College
Walk Retirement Community sent an envoy to
campus to try to ease tensions between the two
powers, but talks broke down when the College
Walk ambassador started yelling at Hodges
to “Get off my lawn, you hippie” and “get a
haircut!” But some experts held out hope for
thawing of tensions as he called back, while
crossing the border on a motorized wheelchair,
for Hodges to “stop by anytime and we’ll have
a nice visit. I’ll make brownies.”
Kmart is also watching developments
closely and has released a statement asserting
that Hodges’ “naked aggression is a blow to
the right of big-box retailers everywhere to
grab land next to colleges at dirt-cheap prices
and then charge outrageous prices for basic
toiletries, snack foods and alcoholic beverages
to needy college students who don’t have a car
to drive somewhere cheaper.”
The SGA president responded by posting
a photo on his Facebook page showing a
shirtless (and apparently pantless) Hodges
riding a Warg from Peter Jackson’s “Lord of
the Rings” and “Hobbit” movie franchise,
with a caption reading “Here’s your ‘naked
aggression,’ Kmart.”
Another picture posted shows Hodges
wrestling a tiger, doing a diving elbow drop
onto an animal clearly stunned by Hodges’
brawny tenaciousness. Tattoos on Hodges’ bare
chest read “Roll Tide” and “Putin’s a wuss.”