Page H2
Hilarion
The Hilarion \ April 1,2018
Government
New Presidential Requirements
By Jeni Welch
Main Stream Media Snowflake
The candidates for the 2020 United States
Presidency will have new prerequisites to meet
if the vote is passed to amend Article 2, Section
1 of the Constitution, adding the requirement
of courting mistresses.
According to the U.S. Constitution a
presidential candidate must be a natural bom
citizen of the United States, a resident for 14
years, and 35 years of age or older. But the
current administration is looking to add to
the list.
The proposed amendment to the criteria come
in light of the 45th President of the United
States, Donald J. Tmmp, and his overwhelming
positive support from the American people. It
only makes sense that the American people
want and deserve a 46th President of the same
caliber.
Tmmp announced this proposal via Twitter
on April 1. At first, the nation laughed at what
was thought to be an April Fools’ Joke, but FOX
News confirmed the amendment proposal later
that evening.
Tmmp said that his decision was made after
Stephanie Clifford, also known as Stormy
Daniels, was interviewed on 60 Minutes
only a week prior. The adult film star spoke
to Anderson Cooper about her alleged past
relations with the President.
“I didn’t say no [to sex]. I’m not a victim,”
Clifford said. She also began the interview
explaining why she was speaking out. She said,
“because people are just saying whatever they
wanted to say about me, I was perfectly fine
saying nothing at all, but I’m not okay with
being made out to be a liar, or people thinking
that I did this for money.”
Tmmp tweeted after the interview, “Look
at how famous I have made her. If it had not
been for ME her name would not be known
and she would have NEVER been involved in
a FAILING 60 Minutes interview.”
Surprisingly the polls jumped after the
interview and Tmmp’s approval rating jumped
from the low 36.6 percent to 49.5 percent (the
highest it has ever been).
“The American people love affairs!” Trump
tweeted. “All Presidents should have at least
one, I am going to make it a law!”
It seems that the second part of the interview
did not have the same number of viewers as
the first.
Clifford said, “A guy walked up on me and
said to me, ‘Leave Tmmp alone. Forget the
story.’And then he leaned around and looked at
my daughter and said, ‘That’s a beautiful little
girl. It’d be a shame if something happened to
her mom.’ And then he was gone.”
Ignoring this part of the interview, Tmmp’s
base has begun praising him for his positive
influence for the adult film industry.
One supporter said, “He is bringing back
jobs to places the crooked internet thought it
had taken away. I can’t wait to see how famous
the rest of the accusing women will become.”
It is no surprise that a mass number of
supporters are in favor of the changes in
requirements, and Tmmp feels like the leader
for the hundreds of voices that had been left
forgotten after the Obama administration.
“Clifford said during the interview that she
is getting more job offers,” another Trump
supporter said. “If Tmmp can do that without
giving her a job on The Apprentice imagine
what he can do for the rest of ‘Merica.”
The proposed change to Article 2, Section 1
of the Constitution has sparked conversation
to also adjust Section 1 of Amendment 22.
Although neither the President nor Congress
has yet to answer questions on the matter, they
may be waiting to see what happens in the
presidential race of 2020.
HOPvOi^
ApriI
(MARCH 21 - APRIL 19)
t ic, you'rr «agr) Bui uLc ioid* uhk to thkik
J «hai if I wMfi't actiaf like • toildlcr tuvi^g • temper
Jtentmm nght Uk yo«r fiery energy for
^ UTBRALLY tnything ebe.
TXURs,UJ (April zo • may ao)
TW fal1rng>out yon’re heving with ■ fnend right now I
I i« no douN toured by your own mMot feubbomncM
I Moke sure >t’r really worth rt - do you actually want to I
^ be lonely jmi for the »akc of betng ngbi?
CCMINI (May 21 -JUNC20>
Pl.KA^F. do not tell anyone yon love them again for
a long, long tunc Wc all know that t\cm if you mean
I It, you woo’l next week (or even three bonca from oow.jl
I Alao. *tvp pickuK Aghta aad blaimiig it on youc
ve Mtuie."
^CXNC€Rv (Junk 21 * July 22)
Okay crybaby, time to get ii togeiber. It waa cute
I Ibr Anrt few itxnea you erted wbea you mw a dog m
I public but DOW we are juat getting worried. But
I larioualy. do you ever atop crying? Lockily il*i aUtrgy
1 sonaon and you've got a great acapegoat’
L(0 (JULY 23 - AUO 22)
^Foople would probably lalidate your opiciow mon \
readily if you waited for tonaeone to actually lak for
tbtffi. No. no. ihb iaa't as muck on you... but you'll
l^finttely think it it!
VI ICC 0 (AUO 23 • SCPT 22)
' You work youraelf to death, but inaybe ilY juat
wr that sweet, aweel feeling of superiority. Also, you
probably ibtak you could write tbeae boroscopea better |
than ua, tod you're probably righil
. LI S XX (Skpt 23 • Oct 22)
^We're all still wondeemg if you’re just a huge
- oe if you really do love everybody^ You
definitely won't give us s straight answer on lhai one
* 4.^!
SCOiCPIO (OCT 23 - Nov 21)
To be bonesL you're not as bad as y'on think you are
pUf as bad as yon aecm Msybe you're not bad at oh
wait you just screwed me over for the 10,000 tb lime
■ —A.\-—
SXClTTAIkJUS (NOV 22-Dec 21)
^You’re outdoorsy and very independent, but be
^arefiil not to be loo independent There's a high
I probability that you will get lost in ibe woods tins
spring. Maybe text one of ibe M people back who
[you've bom ignoring and take then with you. >a know,
for safety.
CAPPvICOfCN (Dec 22 - jan iq)
Here’s a tip: chill ont on your pulsl They were just
joking, we think. It’s not your fault you were bom
wtiboul a stoM of humor and an undying thirst for
cold hard cash.
AQUXSJUS (JAN 20 . FIR IS)
'B«cp boop iKcp beep boop... oh son) I tbo«(hi I
talking to a robot for a aeeoud* Could you, like, feel
an emotsou? You're scaring us^
Pisces (Feb 19 • March 20)
^You oveicocunil and then can weasel your way out
of anything. When we call you out oo it you CRY!
Bui astrology is boonung right sow. aad we are
catching on to your Ashy ways! Don’t worry, next
(une w c won't rely on yon for jack.