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December 4, 2019 | The Clarion Opinion Page 5 Toxic families and holiday traditions By Julie Carter Opinion Editor Now that Thanksgiving has come and gone, we are faced with the holiday everyone starts propping for in July: Christmas. I love Christmas. It is my favorite holiday. However, each year 1 tend to grow a bit more resentful of one thing that tends to come with it: toxic family situations. If I could have a Hallmark Christmas movie holiday, I would give anything. However, I am not slated to live a life where I can ice skate my cares away on a white Christmas. C’est la vie. Instead, I find myself slated with the same questions year after year. How is school? History and Political Science, what are you gonna do with that degree? How is your love life? Why aren’t you married yet? Have you started thinking about kids yet? You do know your younger sister is engaged, right? It is enough to make me want to rip my hair out by day two. I know I could have it so much worse. I have a family, people who feed and clothe me, and a place to sleep. Tm thankful. However, if these situations deteriorate my mental health. I’m not going to stand for them. To the endless barrage of questions, I say this: I am an adult, and I’m doing exactly what I need to do to make myself happy. These situations tend to make me feel like I’m a complicated, inadequate mess. Sure, some people may say it is not a big deal. To me, it is. I don’t need to feel nitpicked for everything I have done in my life up until this point. I’m a 2I-year-old woman. I’ve got this. Leave me be. No one should have to worry about whether or not they appease their relative who only cares or talks to them on a holiday that is supposed to make you feel good. As I have grown to be a better watchdog over my own mental health in the past year, I have realized something. I do not have to engage with people who don’t make me feel good. If I don’t have to deal with the toxicity. I’m not going to. My relatives can sit down with their anti college, need-to-start-making-babies selves. The more and more I discuss this concept I have come to realize that so many people feel like this. I understand the struggle. I get you. Just know a few things: you are worth so much more than your family’s expectations of who you “should” be, and Christmas is as complicated as you make it. In the season of giving, remember to take a bit back for yourself Thoughts on David Berman's 'Purple Mountains' and 'The Portable February' By Scott Urquhart Contributor The words of the late David Berman hang over me like the pressing despondency of another failed attempt at making amends. His final album, “Purple Mountains,” published under the name of the same title, is nothing short of jubilant melancholy. It’s a shield that most of us know and are comfortable with expressing in times of desperation and during the attempts of our fruitless efforts of perseverance. When the days are bleak with darkness, when you can’t seem to tie your shoelaces correctly, when you’re feeling excluded and uninvited while simultaneously holding yourself up in your room or not finding the strength to cook or do laundry because of the looming animosity separated by walls, “All my Happiness is Gone,” or “Maybe I’m the Only One for Me,” will set the mood and ease those feelings of being unsettled while making you feel welcome, which gives you another mask to show people you’re alright. The words of the poet bring a sense of hope for disparity throughout the album, not by telling you everything is going to be ok, but rather in a misery breeds company sort of way that illuminates the path to another darker tunnel. Any light is fine at times, as long as it allows you to not bump into the clatter that the world has to offer. In 1984, Berman was hospitalized for approaching perfection, as told in “Random David Berman Rules” from one of his previous band’s (Silver Jews) records, “American Water.” The master poet and music smith frequently made attempts at his own life, and ultimately succeeded following the release of his final album. Fortunately, he left quite the legacy behind, including seven studio albums and two books, one of poetry and the other of timeless doodles. In, “The Portable February,” the one which contains the cartoons, is a humorous work of Americana, zingers, witty simplicity, and magical thinking from “Floridas and Italys” to “Irrational 15th Century Battle Scenes” and “Oklahoma + The Sky Over Oklahoma.” The book is meant to be read in one sitting, a kind of meditation of light-heartedness that is palatable for nearly all at any time when feeling anthing. If his music hits your gut, if it makes your heart drop into your feet, find out who David Berman was. Know you’ve got another friend waiting for you on the other side who understands that you’re doing the best you can in the toxicity of your environment.
