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April 1,2020 I The Clarion Hilarion Page 7 Klingon Shakespeare to be taught in the Fall By Sam Hipp staff Writer “You have not experienced Shakespeare until you have read him in the original Klingon,” Associate Professor of English John Padgett said when asked why he was instructing a Shakespeare course in Klingonese. “The works of the great Klingon poet, Wil’yem Shex’speare, have a deep cultural significance that you earthers lack any appreciation for,” Padgett added as he slammed down a tankard of Klingon Bloodwine upon his desk. “Studying original works such as ‘Khamlet’ and ‘Romi’agH and Chuli’het’ will allow these students to learn tales of great warriors of the Klingon Empire.” There has been much debate as to whether the works of William Shakespeare were originally written in English or in Klingon. While evidence from scholars have shown that he was an English human, the party advocating for his Klingon background often prove otherwise by defeating them in glorious combat. Though many in Brevard College’s administrative staff are showing their concern for the violence that is bound to happen, Padgett has reassured them that battle is part of the experiential education of Klingon culture. Padgett also told them that he is to be addressed as “Pad’jAht, the Dahar Master.” Failure to acknowledge this warrior’s title will result in a student or staff member’s reassignment to the Romulan Neutral Zone. ‘“Nay, before Kahless, Ha’al, if petaQ be alive, thou get’st not my bat’leth; but take my disruptor pistol, if thou wilt, ’ is more powerful to the audience than the English version, especially since students will be expected to charge into the audience and scream in their faces when the time comes to perform their scenes.” When pressed further on the reasoning behind this course, Padgett told me that I have “the face of a Ferengi” and that my mother has “a smooth forehead.” Other programs at school are joining in, with music professors teaching Klingon Opera, religion professors instructing Vulcan monastic rituals such as Kolinahr and BORG is self- explanatory. Shex’speare is always better with a bat’leth. — Trump's best Twitter moments By Eleanor Flannery Sport Editor Before Donald Trump became president in 2016, he was a reality TV star, and appeared on the hit NBC show, “The Celebrity Apprentice.” During that time. Trump was quite vocal online with his thoughts left unfiltered across his social media, but most consistently, Twitter. As a treat, I have selected a few of my favorite tweets crafted by Donald Trump over the years to share them with you folks. I figured I would start with some classics, like that time when Trump was obsessed with actress Kristen Stewert and actor, Robert Pattionson’s relationship, back in 2012: “Robert Pattinson should not take back Kristen Stewart,” Trump wrote in a tweet posted on Oct. 17, 2012. “She cheated on him like a dog & will do it again —just watch. He can do much better!” He tweeted again, on Oct. 18, 2012. “Lots of response to my Pattinson/Kristen Stewart reunion. She will cheat again—100 certain—am 1 ever wrong?” Then again, on Oct. 19, 2012. “So many tweets & stories on Stewart/Pattinson Look, it doesn’t matter— the relationship will never be the same. It is permanently broken.” Once more, on Oct. 22, 2012. “Everyone knows 1 am right that Robert Pattinson should ^ dump Kristen Stewart. In a couple of years, he will thank me. Be smart, Robert.” On Oct. 25, 2012. “Miss Universe 2012 Pageant will be airing live on @nbc & @ Telemundo december 19th. Open invite stands for Robert Pattinson. And on Nov. 9, 2012. “Robert Pattinson is putting on a good face for the release of Twilight. He took my advice on Kristen Stewart...! hope!” And once more, on Nov. 13, 2012. “After Friday’s Twilight release, I hope Robert Pattinson will not be seen in public with Kristen- -she will cheat on him again!” Fascinating stuff. But 1 must admit, my favorite Trump-on-Twitter era has to be his unmatched talent of nicknaming his political adversaries. When he started running for the presidential ticket in 2015, Trump ignited several Twitter feuds with his running mates and several others in politics and the media, calling them disparaging names...to intimidate them maybe? Your guess is as good as mine. Let’s take a look at a few highlights. #5 - Loser Michael Wolff and Sloppy Steve Bannon “Michael Wolff is a total loser who made up stories in order to sell this really boring and untruthful book. He used Sloppy Steve Bannon, who cried when he got fired and begged for his job,” Trump tweefed in January 2018. “Now Sloppy Steve has been dumped like a dog by almost everyone. Too bad!” #4 - Little Adam Schiff “Little Adam Schiff, who is desperate to run for higher office, is one of the biggest liars and leakers in Washington, right up there with Comey, Warner, Brennan and Clapper!” Trump tweeted in February 2018. “Adam leaves closed committee hearings to illegally leak confidential information. Must be stopped!” #3 - Lyin’ Ted On March 28, 2016. “Lyin’ Ted Cruz is weak & losing big, so now he wants to debate again. But, according to Drudge, Time and on-line polls, 1 have won all debates.” #2 - Crazy Bernie & Crooked Hillary “1 don’t want to hit Crazy Bemie Sanders too hard yet because 1 love watching what he is doing to Crooked Hillary,” Trump tweeted in May 2016. “His time will come!” #1 - Pochahontas “Elizabeth Warren, often referred to as Pochahontas, just misrepresented me and spoke glowingly about Crooked Hillary, who she always hated!” he tweeted on July 25, 2016. 1 highly recommend checking out the President’s Twitter profile for a laugh; fan of his or not, he always has an opinion to toss out into the world. But, of course, one should take his tweets with a grain of salt.
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