t
Parents of Gays Come Out
"Mom, Dad, I have to talk to you—about
something important." You begin your
well-rehearsed speech, something you’ve
been planning for perhaps a very long
time. The actual presentation, with your
parents before you, feels quite different
than how it went in front of the mirror.
The words come more slowly, or in a
flurry, and may not be at all the ones you
had chosen for this final, ultimate,
terrifying delivery. It doesn't feel at
all like it did when you told your close
trusted friends. These are your parents,
for God's sake, the people who have loved
you and cared for you all your life, the
ones who have sacrificed for you, disci
plined you, wanted you, and to some degree
lived through you. Your desire to please
them and to become the person they've
dreamed of you becoming is second only to
your wish to live your life according to
your most intimate feelings.
You finally get it out—"I'm gay"—and
tensely wait for their reaction.
These concerned parents formed a support
group to understand just what homosex
uality is, to enlighten themselves and
others on just how all aspects of society
can affect them and their children and to
guide each other in dealing with this
knowledge, which may have suddenly turned
their worlds upside down.
*****
*****
Many gays never experience this
confrontation. In recent years, however,
more and more of us have opted to tell our
parents about our sexual orientation and
lifestyles. For some, this action has had
negative and perhaps permanent effects:
Two such concerned parents from Raleigh
Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays
(Parents FLAG) recently spoke at a CGA
meeting. The couple discussed how they
felt when their son came out to them.
"We were devastated, because of our fear
for his lifetime unhappiness and
loneliness. We knew nothing about
homosexuality, and it was frightening,"
they said. It was quite clear to those
present that the devastation, and eventual
acceptance these parents spoke of was due
to their love and concern for their son's
well-being.
Throughout their introductory talk and
the question-and-answer period, this
mother and father were open and candid,
giving answers when they had them and
admitting when they had none. The fact of
their willingness to come and share was
evidence of their sincerity and warmth.
*****
You're not our child. We didn't
bring you up to be faggot! I'll not
have a queer in my house. Get out!
Are you sure? You can change.
We'll send you to the best doctors.
They'll cure you.
We want you to live a happy life,
and experience the joy of having
children of your own. Just try dating
some boys. Don't break our hearts.
For others, the result has been a
(gradual) partial or full acceptance by
parents. It was from this striving for an
understanding of their children's homo
sexuality that Parents of Gays was formed
To help those of us who have not come
out to our families and who may be think
ing of doing so, our guests distributed
some literature about the group's goals
and beliefs and about how to tell your
parents.
Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays
recognizes and believes that gays are
demographically,indistinguishable from the
general population—they come from and are
part of every region of the world, all
religions and ethnic groups, and all
social and economic levels. They believe
that gay people are healthy, naturally
homosexual, moral and are part of the
family. These parents love their
children. -Ron
lenwood "Park
Open at 9pm, six days a week, plus Sat & Sun afternoons.
Specials every night, Tuesday-Sunday. Closed Monday.
1622 Glenwood Avenue Raleigh (919) 832-9082
A lYivdte Club For Members & I'heir Guests