Newspapers / Lambda (Carolina Gay and … / April 1, 1985, edition 1 / Page 11
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When I was asked to write this feature, I was at first very reluctant. I thought, Who would want to hear anything practical I had to say? Then I decided, why not. Several people from time to time have asked for my advice, and I have been more than happy to give it to them. So here goes. My second thought was. How do I let everyone know that I am available for this service? I just happened to meet one of my girlfriends, who was on her way out for an eventful eveing at a certain cha-cha palace in Durham, when I said, "Have you heard . . . ." Immediately she dropped her rhinestone earring and leaned forward so as not to miss a word. I informed her that Lambda had found a new advice column ist and that she was going to advise us on all of our problems. We both found this very interesting, and my friend asked me how to get in touch with this person. After giving her the address of Lambda, I hurried on, telling her I was late for a date. The week that followed I waited for the post to just flood me with letters and cards asking for advice. Unfortunately there were only a few. Dear Domino, when May rolls around and after graduation, I will be leaving this fine institution of higher learning. However, my lover since September thinks that we will be leaving together. I really do care for him, but he has just been someone to occupy my after-class hours. He keeps making all of these plans, but I have plans of my own. I don’t want to hurt him, but after May 12th, he will no longer be part of my life. Is there some way I might soften the shock or should I just tell him to kiss off? /s/ Occupied Senior Dear Occupied, First you are a heart less person. What it comes down to is you have used your lover, and I have seen a lot of it, so I know of what I speak. You have one month left, so let’s get honest, first with youself and then with your lover. Tell him your plans and what you want to do with your life. You are obviously going to hurt this young man, so just don’t walk out and leave him thinking it was his fault. Tell him the truth and the reason why. The key word in any relationship is communication. /s/ Domino Dear Domino, I need your help. At the beginning of this year, I saw walking across campus the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Since that day I have fantasized over her day and night, and now my grades are starting to show it. Twice I have had the opportunity to speak to her, but I am so shy I just made a fool of myself. The few people I have asked about her tell me to stay away from her, that she has a bad reputation and would be a influence on me. Domino, help! I cannot go on feeling this way. /s/ Losing it Fast Dear Fast, Slow down and get a hold of yourself. Take the situation in hand. First, find something, anything, that you and this wonderful woman might have in common. Second, never judge a person on what other people have to say about them. Third, be more confident in youself. At one time I was very shy and made a klutz of myself. Believe in yourself, take a deep breath, and "accidentally” bump into this person. After apologizing, introduce yourself. You might find that this has just been a fantasy and your life will suddenly become normal again. Or you just might find the love of a lifetime. Good luck, /s/ Domino Dear Domino, I am writing this after a very disturbing spring break. In high school I had an older friend who helped me deal with my sexuality and the fears of being gay. We have always been very close, and I have kept in touch even here at school. Since Christmas he has not answered any of my letters nor have I been able to reach him by phone. While I was home on break, I tried several times to see him, but he refused with no explana tion. Many of his friends have not seen him for months, and the only reason that he has given is that he is not feeling well. Domino, my fear is that my friend is hiding from me the fact that he has AIDS. Please tell me what I should do. /s/ FTP Dear FTP, Your letter has brought many unpleasant memories back to me, and I know exactly what you are feeling. First of all you cannot be sure that your friend has AIDS until you have asked him. If the answer is yes, then you must show your friend how much he needs your love and support. If your fear is true then stop to consider the fear that he is feeling. Yes, he could very well be hiding from you but for a reason. Maybe he doesn’t want you to see him as he is now, but wants you to remember him the way he was. Prepare yourself for whatever may come and let your friend know that he still has your love and support. We must all be strong when our friends are in need, and give a little bit more of ourselves, /s/ Domino it I i' 1 ! i ! ■’ I t i I il J
Lambda (Carolina Gay and Lesbian Association, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill)
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April 1, 1985, edition 1
11
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