A
11-
(LESBIAN MOTHERHOOD from page 1)
workers, the gay community, and passersby
is a strange brew of reactions. Most men,
except for my gay male friends, have a
strange fear toward me. It seems as
though all pregnant women are aliens to
them to be treated with caution and
respect. The fact that I am openly gay
presents an additional risk to them. I
often feel that they startle as they pass
me in hallways or street corners as if I
were some beast—a beast only passed with
garlic, a cross, and never looked straight
in the eye. Being a computer whiz kid
protects my job situation from any dis“
crimination. Female co~workers seem
calmer and friendly with me now. At
first, they seemed unsure of their feel
ings, asking such questions as, "Did you
use the real thing or artificial?" My
reply was always, "Well, 1 used sperm,
whatever that is." They have resolved
their feelings, deciding that they have
more in common with me now that I am to be
a mom. They had grown to like me as a
lesbian and an "eccentric," but now they
can talk to me like one of the girls.
The highlight of this period with them is
when 1 sat in the midst of 45 "ladies" at
a baby shower they had surprised me with.
There I was butchy as ever with a bright
yellow corsage and Susan femmy as ever
being treated as the proud daddy. They
became confused, saying such things as
"Gosh, it will be such a pretty baby with
your eyes and Susan’s hair." Suddenly,
you would see them look up embarrassed
remembering that was not exactly how it
was done.
Gay male friends watch the process with
wonder both from the perspective of female
genitals and giving birth. A male friend
who visits my office often to "check in"
said with great awe, "You know it really
is a powerful image—a woman giving
birth." I am amazed upon occasion when 1
sit with male heads on my belly listening
for baby sounds and movements; I, a once
steadfast separatist. I have also come to
realize that it is harder for a gay man to
realize his parental desire. They are
faced with the very difficult process of
adoption or finding a surrogate mother.
The lesbian community has been very
supportive with my endeavor. I received a
few condolence phone calls after women
heard I was carrying a son. 1 have been
eyed with curiosity by lesbians who do not
know me; I suppose they wonder what per
suasion I am. A lesbian feminist from New
York at a gay conference declared that my
pregnancy was politically incorrect.
Needless to say I was amused by another
rendition of an oldie but boldie theme.
Health professionals have had to
restructure their thinking to a certain
degree, as Susan and I show up at doctor
visits and prenatal classes with all the
cute married heteroserxuals. We supplied
by OB-GYN department of NCMH with a four-
page legal birth plan stating our desires
and views on the birth procedure. This
written document hopefully will insure us
a certain amount of control over how we
are treated as women, patients, and les
bians. Their reactions have been either
veiled hostility, uncertainty, or active
friendly participation at the fact that we
are knov;ledgeable and assertive about our
health care and are also openly lesbian.
Lamaze class has been a pleasant and
educational experience with the help of a
black female family nurse practitioner who
is a nice mix of alternative and tradi
tional medicine.
How do I feel? I am joyful over this
actively growing, moving person inside of
me. 1 am terrified at the changes he will
have over me. 1 plan and consider his
life three and five years ahead, sorting
through my dreams, nightmares, and reali
ties. I waddle around very uncomfortably,
murmuring, "I want my body back," feeling
vulnerable in this once stocky, muscular
body which is now a ripened, soft avocado.
I wonder about how the gay community will
handle my son and me. Issues such as day
care and lesbian custody rights have
become realities to me, rather than just
political movements. I have learned a new
kind of intimate relationship, a relation
ship with a male stranger whom 1 love and
feel very protective of. This decision
was based on an expansion of myself, and I
am amazed at how much I expand physically
and emotionally each day.
-Gloria
(reprinted with permission from
The Newsletter, October 1985)
Gloria delivered 10 1/2 lb. Robert
Michael on Oct. 6, 1985. Congratulations
to Gloria and Susan! “ed
lem
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