10
'i!
ASK DOCTOR D
Forget the Candlelight, Sweetheart or
How to Find a Partner--by Demian, Ed.D.
find a very good fit for you. Don't
let loneliness lead you into a less
than desirable union.
Q: I'm looking for a sweetheart,
possibly a life-partner. All the good
ones seem to be taken already. I'd
like someone to be my dreamboat. Where
do I start?
A: I suggest being very pragmatic.
Leaving such an important and vital
part of your life to chance, or
allowing romantic feelings to get in
the way is a big mistake.
Relationships take work and
perseverance. Start with someone who
will not make the job a nightmare.
If you are currently in an
unsatisfactory relationship, assess why
it isn't working. If it is because
that person does not adequately match
your list, consider starting over. You
can't fill your relationship cup until
it's been emptied.
Hint: The quaint notion that opposites
attract is total junk. Most long-term
couples started with a lot in common.
The main relationship glue is shared
interests and beliefs.
First, make a list of all you want in a
partner.
Second, make a concentrated effort to
find that person. Be logical here. If
you want a spiritual person, look for
him or her at a meditation group or gay
church. If you want a professional, go
to your local Gay Business Association.
Oh yes, the "good” ones are not all
taken. Sometimes they have been made
"good" by being part of an ongoing,
mutually supportive relationship. You
and your future partner will help each
other become one of the good ones.
Third, do not--DO NOT--compromise on
the ingredients your are looking for.
It is only a matter of time before you
Demian is co-publisher/co-editor of
PARTNERS: The Newsletter for Gay and
Lesbian Couples. Send your questions
about gay and lesbian relationships,
for possible use in future columns, to
PARTNERS, Box 9685, Seattle, WA 98109.
At Cameron's our commitment
to quality and imagination com
bined with a zeal for providing
extra service has prevailed for
over eight years.
There is only one COmeron'S,
and many of our customers live
over a thousand miles away.
cdmordrT's
gallery • gifts • Jewelry
university mall • chapel hill 27514
monday thru Saturday • lO to 9 •
(919) 942-5554