October 2000
Page 13
Bisexuality: What’s in a Label, and Who Cares?
By Nikki Henderson
"You just can't decide which
way you want to swing, now, can
you?"
— Query from the grand
mother of a bisexual
friend of mine
'"Bisexual" does not mean
"unsure about one's own sexu
ality" or "afraid to admit to be
ing gay/lesbian."
Neither is "bisexual" a syn
onym for "promiscuous."
And "bisexual" certainly
does not mean "is willing to
liven up the sex life of hetero
sexual couples."
So what does "bisexual"
mean anyway?
I polled a few of my acquain
tances to see what their defini
tions were.
"Attracted to both sexes
somewhat equally, but not SO
SO."
"Someone that has sexual re
lations with a person of either
gender? Is there another defini
tion?"
"Bisexual equals a person
who can enjoy sexual intimacy
with a person of either gender.
How'zat? Key word here is 'en-
• ///
joy.
"Joe says one who would
have sex with a guy or a girl."
"I'm not trying to say that bi
sexuals are the only ones being
honest with themselves —be
cause I don't believe that—but
I think maybe most people have
some bisexual tendencies, to
varying degrees."
"Someone who is, on some
level attracted to other
someones of both genders."
"Interested in having both
boyfriend and girlfriend? Hope
fully not at the same time"
"Umm... I guess someone
who is, for lack of a better word,
'receptive,' to romantic feelings
from members of both gen
ders?"
"Ummm... I don't have one.
I find definitions limiting."
I've heard lots of other defi
nitions that follow these same
general lines. They don't seem
to be particularly "bi-phobic" in
content. However, for those of
us who identify as bisexual,
there seems to be plenty of "bi
phobia" out there, not only
among heterosexuals, but
among those who identify as
gay, lesbian or transgender as
well.
In the movie "Better than
Chocolate," the token bisexual
woman was portrayed rather
stereotypically as promiscuous.
One of her more memorable
lines was "I like all the choco
lates in the box" (or something
to that effect). I rented the
movie for the first time, expect
ing something that would make
me feel all warm and cozy.
Instead, the film left me feel
ing a bit more cold inside. Why
is it that so often bisexuals are
portrayed as outsiders to the
GLBT community? "Not quite
gay, not quite straight," caught
in limbo, outsiders in both
worlds.
I didn't expect to meet up
with this particular brand of
homophobia within the GLBT
community. I thought: we're all
queer (use whatever umbrella
term you prefer, but you know
what I mean). We all know
what it's like to be harshly
judged and discriminated
against because of those we
love. We're all here to help and
encourage each other, right?
Please tell me I am not wrong
on this one.
Back to my original question:
What does "bisexual" mean
anyway? I refer you to one of
my favorite answers I received
during the informal poll.
"I could define bisexual if
you could define sexual... Tm
so disillusioned with sexual ori
entation boxes."
I agree. Love and desire are
tricky little devils. When you
least expect it, they will knock
you flat or send you soaring
through the clouds.
We are who we are, regard
less of what labels society gives
us, or the labels we choose for
ourselves, and we are all crea
tures of love and desire.
NiUd can be reached at lactyma@hotmail.com.