Winter 2000
ADVICE ^ HUMOR
Ask A Flamer: Jesse & David
Page 13
By Jesse "The Queen B" Davidson with
HELP FROM David "The Lil' B" Seymour
Dear Flamer,
What do you think of the new fall fash
ion line from the top name brands? What
fashions were glad to see come and which
ones were you glad to see go? Also, I am
new into the club scene, so what is the
appropriate attire?
— Clueless in Carmichael
Dear Clueless,
J: First of all, I was personally glad to
see those ugly ass midget Capri pants go.
People were wondering around like they
were in that big flood in eastern North
Carolina last year.
D: Please, you're just bitter that those
girls had better assets than that big-ass
ghetto booty of yours Ms. Thing.
J: 1 am not Noah, and do not think
God was planning on letting it rain in
Chapel Hill for 40 days and 40 nights, so
all those girls were just walking around
looking like they were trying to squeeze
their asses into some pants they wore
when they were in kindergarten. Kind of
like you trying to squeeze into a pair of
32's at j-Crew.
D: Like you know something about
the Bible, haven't you read Leviticus trick?
An5avay, as for clubbing, please avoid the
pacifiers and glow sticks, okay? E was like
so 1991.
J: Also, A-F should never be worn to a
club unless you are going to Player's or
something.' And blue jeans are a definite
no no.
Dear Flamer,
I have always taken great pride in my
buff physique and cut body, but recently
I've noticed that I also like to touch other
men's cut bodies. But I really like girls. I
swear! Do you think my girlfriend has
figured out my dirty secret? Where can I
turn to for some sweet love?
—Macho in Mangum
Dear Macho Macho Man,
J: Well if you really like touching male
bodies and are looking for some sweet
love, you can come on over to my dorm
room anytime.
D: Oh no, 1 ammad at that! Nevermind
that desperate ho, she's still bitter cause
someone dropped a house on her sister.
All I have to say is what's up with the
little guy? Any movement down there
sailor? If there is then don't be trifling
and come on out - girls are squishy any
way.
J: Anyway, seriously, if you really are
having concerns or need to talk you can
come to a LGBT rap session on Mondays
at 5:30 in the Center for Healthy Students
inside the SRC. It is confidential and can
be free to talk without any concern about
others finding out until you figure it out
on you own.
Dear Flamer,
I think my boyfriend (also my room
mate) is cheating on me, but I can't be
sure. He comes home smelling like other
men, and he avoids my gaze when I try
to probe his soul. Please help me find out
if he's just being mysterious or if he's
being unfaithful. Maybe your gay brain
is better at figuring these things out.
—Suspicious in Stacy.
My dear suspicious friend,
J: Well Honey, if you want to know
you need to start looking for some warn
ing signs. Make sure that your condom
supply is not dwindling.
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