14
Dragging Across Amsterdam
By Robert Wells
As part of my sexuality and gender study program in the
Netherlands, I was required to perform drag in public and reflect
on the reactions I evoked. Having done femme drag several times
(dresses, heels and the occasional boa), I decided to see what
people would think if I performed as a “butch dyke.” My outfit
comprised of a white “Batman” t-shirt over a stuffed bra, baggy
jeans, string bikini, light eye make up and purple nail polish. I set
off to the grocery store with my host to begin my Dutch debut.
The first thing I notice when I do
drag is how uncomfortable bras are. As
always, I felt the need to constantly touch
my “breasts” to make sure they were in
place. I realized more than ever this time
how important breasts are when gender
ing someone. Because my “breasts” were
the only part of this outfit I’d never worn
in public, I was especially keen to indi
viduals’ reactions to them. I caught a few
people starring directly at them, trying
to figure out if they were real. One man
passed me on one aisle and was suddenly
waiting for me on the next aisle to con
firm what he had seen. I was suddenly
reflecting on how often I do the same
thing — whenever I see a person whose
gender I cannot determine, my first in
stinct is to look at his or her chest. Kate
Bornstien says in her book “Gender
Outlaw” that it takes four feminine at
tributes to outweigh one masculine trait
when someone is gendering a stranger
on the street. I know that without the
“breasts” I would have been read as an
effeminate man, and if I had just worn
them without the make up, nail polish and my “butch dyke swag
ger,” I would have just looked like a man wearing a stuffed bra.
I received no direct verbal response from anyone, and I didn’t
really notice many people looking at me until my host pointed
them out. I did notice, however, my own reticence to look at oth
ers. Being used to getting stared at for being an effeminate man.
I’m used to ignoring people. I thought I would be more com
fortable performing a different gender; yet, surprisingly, I found
myself very insecure about being able to pass as a woman.
I wasn’t thinking too much about how cultural differences
affected individuals’ perceptions of me as I have been quick to
get used to Dutch people’s easy-going attimdes; but, I realize that
the responses I would have received doing this project in North
Carolina, especially the rural area where I’m from, would have
been much more overt. Laughter, finger pointing, and confused
facial expressions — I saw none of this. People in Amsterdam
seem to be more respectful of other people’s privacy, although
they’re not above doing a double-take if they think they see some
thing offbeat.
That said, I should explain some
thing about trans-politics in the Neth
erlands. Many Dutch insurance plans
will pay for sex-reassignment surgeries;
however, one must go through a year
of psychotherapy and hormone treat
ment and “live” as the gender they wish
to “become” for at least another year.
After that process, patients are expected
to live as their newly assigned sex. This
medicalization of gender has caused a
rift between transsexuals (persons who
feel they were born in the wrong body
and have sex-change operations) and
transgender people people who don’t
feel the need for surgery; transgender is
not used as an umbrella term as it is in
the United States). Although it is possi
ble to change your sex, transsexuality is
treated as a disorder. Therefore, people
who do not physically pass or simply do
not want to fit into the gender binary
have trouble accessing gender-spedfic
spaces (bathrooms, for example) and
are generally looked down upon. That
is the position I found myself in while completing the project.
As someone who identifies as gender queer and tries to live
outside of the gender binary, I never feel like my body is con
straining my gender, but it obviously constrains other people’s
perception of my gender, which can be just as inhibiting to one’s
identity. I feel like my gender is something I should be free to
construct — not the government or strangers at the grocery store.
This project forced me to face some of my own judgments and
further solidified my belief that I should be able to wear whatever
the fuck I want without my gender being questioned.
photo courtesy oj
Studying in Amsterdam last fall, junior Robert Wells
explores people’s perceptions of gender expression by
peforming publically as a woman.