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THE ® PILOT
Gardner-Wfebb (^dkge
WE RE THE NEIGHBORHOOD
professionals;"
BOILING SPRINGS, NORTH CAROLINA
April Fool’s Day ‘89 J ^
Gardner-Webb
Jennifer Richards, a 22-
year old Gardner-Webb student
was jailed when a court
refused to accept her 9,000
pennies for a traffic fine.
Miss Richards brought the
coins in a bowling bag to pay
for five tickets ranging from
reckless driving to running
down old women. She said she
had been harassed by a police
man, who issued all five tic
kets. Judge T. Stone of the
Greater Boiling Springs
Metropolitan Traffic Court
West found her guilty on every
single charge. This is one
time that Jennifer Richards'
womanly wiles did not work...
better luck next time "Jen".
Dr. Bill Stowe was arrested
last week for streaking. It
seems that Wild Bill was
attempting to show a Rhetoric
and Grammar class how the
Proto-Indo-European tribe
dressed and got a little
carried away. Says one class
member, "I don't know... I
looked up and he was nude. The
next thing I know, he's run
ning through the ground floor
of Lindsay."
Stowe was finally subdued
in the Webb Building by Dr.
Tony Eastman after a fifteen-
minute chase through the
ground floor of Lindsay and
the Campus Center. Before he
was captured, Stowe was joined
in his folly by Pat Davis,
Dennis Quinn, and Jim Taylor.
"Far out. It brought back
memories of the good ole'
days..." Quinn commented.
Stowe was tried before his
peers and found not guilty due
to a lack of evidence. The
decision infuriated Eastman,
who protested the entire af
fair by burning back issues of
The Pilot.
"I'll get him. How dare he
interrupt my Eastmanism 102H
class. He doesn't know what
he's messing with."
Undisclosed sources say Dr.
Eastman has written Washington
about the matter.
In Boiling Springs, North
Carolina, police officer
Deputy Dawg stopped GWC
student John Jeffrey Schaefer
for a loud muffler. The
officer then discovered that
In the spirit of the April
Fool's holiday. The Pilot
staff has produced this issue
for your amusement. None of
the stories in the issue are
true and any similarity
between reality and the
stories is truly unintended.
With this thought in mind,
enjoy the April Fool's Day
edition of The Pilot.
Stowe streaks through campus
'I'll get him"
Chris White (Elvis is back?)
News Flashes
Schaefer had no driver's
license and no insurance. So
Deputy Dawg was forced to
impound the vehicle.
"But my girlfriend's in the
trunk," Schaefer wailed. It
turned out that Schaefer and
his girlfriend (Laura Hester)
had disagreed over something
and she had vacated the front
seat... in favor of the trunk.
Dawg released Hester after
the situation was clarified.
Schaefer was freed on a $3 00
bond for the driving offenses.
No trial date has been set.
In what has been termed as
a miracle. Dr. Chris White was
spotted on campus yesterday.
Webb Building sources say that
White was not on campus, but
instead this was a body double
used in case of assassination
attempts.
However, a Pilot reporter
got close enough to hear the
conversation between the al
leged school President and a
staff member. The tape, though
a little rough in spots, went
as follows:
White(?): "... maybe we ought
to do 'Hound Dog' to start the
set. I just don't feel like
this crowd will like
Jailhouse Rock'."
Staff member: "King baby, king
baby. I realize that you
haven't revealed yourself to
the public in over ten years,
but 'Jailhouse' will work,
baby."
White(?): "Well Colonel if you
think they'll go for it, I
guess I'll try it. I need
something though; can you get
me some more jelly doughnuts?"
Dr. White (Presley?) was
unavailable for comment. Webb
Building sources say that he
was on an extended vacation at
Graceland, Tennessee (see
picture).
The Gardner-Webb Concert
Choir recently completed its
standing-room-only tour of the
world performing in such re
nown halls as Bill's Pickin'
Parlor in West Boiling
Springs, The Best Little
Doghouse in Alabama, Yasser's
Pleasure Dome in Beirut, and
the Musik Mikhail Moscow. On
one hall, the choir was asked
"Choir" continued on page 2