Newspapers / St. Andrews University Student … / May 13, 1976, edition 1 / Page 3
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LANCE, Thursday, May 6,1976 Outgoing Student Association president Keith Gribble, in a surprise move Tuesday, released an edict- believed to be the first on record at St. Andrews- aboUshing parking tickets at St. Andrews. Calling them “subversive literature,” Gribble’s edict banned “all past, present and potential parking tickets,” and was supported by a four page memo from outgoing At torney General Bill Wilmot. The edict spurred an im Gribble s Last Act: Banning Subversive Parking Tickets 3 mediate controversy in the ad ministration. Six ad hoc faculty committees had been formed by noon today to in vestigate the edict. Although all six are working in strictest secrecy, THE LANCE has learned from unimpeachable sources that the ad hoc sub committee No. 3 has already located a misspelling and five misplaced modifiers and is pressing its investingation with vigor. Unconfirmed reports emanating from the faculty committee (»i Leaves, Promotions and Tenure held that Dean of Students Malcolm Doubles has asked that his leave of absence he extended six months in order for him to compose his next letter to THE LANCE on the controversy. Neither Gribble nor Wilmot could be reached for im- mediat comment. Gribble, a lame duck president, was last seen Tuesday afternoon on the shores of Lake Ansley Moore in the company of three coots, and Wilmot. whose dislike for publicity is well known, had not been located by press time today because none of THE LANCE’S reporters on the case had ever seen him before and could locate no photographs of him. Security officer Jack Reville an nounced, however, that he and a number of gun club mem bers had staked out Wilmot’s table at the library wth or ders to shoot to 1^ if the reclusive law official showed up. Newly elected President Paul Baldasare was caught “completely by surprise by Gribble’s edict and had no comment other than to deny that he had been left $200 million in the latest will of billionaire Howard Huges for having never had anjilung whatsoever to do with him. “We found a will last week when we were looking for the Senate’s by-laws,” he said. “It left the entire Hughes fortune to Amelia Earheart. ’ ’ Edict TO: The College Community FROM: Keith Gribble, Lame-Duck President of the Student Association RE: PARKING TICKETS Dear Everybody, The breadth of this question awes me. The reverance with which I approach it signifies the seriousness of the matter. Let it suffice to say that I am thunderstruck by Wilmot’s findings concerning parking tickets and wish only to digress one moment over a philosophical problem of which parkii^ tickets are just one instance. What Wilmot has done is to point out the obvious. We ignore the obvious so warpped up are we in our habitual seeing. The aspects of things that are most important for us are hidden because of their simplicity and familarity. One is unable to notice something - because it is always before on’s eyes. The real foundations of his enquiry do not strike a man at all. Unless that fact has at some time struck him.-And this means: we fail to be struck by what, once seen, is most striking and most powerful. (Wittgenstein, Investigations, No. 129.) No one likes to think that w*at he has grown used to is curious. We are use to the obvious. We ignore the obvious. However, I am not in the least sense curious about the two parking tickets whidi I have accrued over the past three weeks; I ignore them consistently. By ignoring them I am ignoring community law. Yet ignorance of the law is no excuse. Therefore I am abolishing the law so that it may no longer be ignored. By abolishing laws we combat ignorance. How can ignorance be tolerated at this, an educational institution ? I have taken legal and philosphic counsel, I have confered with many of the people and they all hate parking tickets. We must tap this spriit of the recognition of injustice to rid us of the parking ticket evil. Hie ascent to the mountain top is unique; our chance to correct this wrong shall come...jus’ dis once. The arguements of Wilmot’s recommendation are clear. We must declare the subversive nature of parking ticket literature. This is hereby declared. The Attorney General has recommended that he receive executive instruction. He hereby has that instruction. I DECLARE ALL PARKING TO BE INSTANCES OF SUB VERSIVE UTERATURE AND INSTRUCT THE ATTORNEY GENERAL TO BURN UNTO ASHES ALL PAST, PRESENT, AND POTENTIAL PARKING TICKETS BEFORE THE ENTIRE COLLEGE IMPLODES FURTHER, THE OWL MINERVA FLYING ONLY AT DUSK. Many Thanks, Keith May 1,1976 Here’s The Text Of The Wilmot Opinion TO: KEITH GRIBBLE, President of the Student Association FROM: BILL WILMOT, At torney Genral of the Student Association RE: PARKING TICKETS In compliance with a * suggestion from the President of the Student Association, I, as the Student Association’s chief judicial officer (and don’t you forget it) have un dertaken a thorou^ study of the frequent issuance of parking tickets on this cam pus. Here are my findings. I. Under the present rules, the President of the Student Association wouldn’t have a leg to stand on were he to con test his recent parking ticket. There is no doubt that he was indeed “parking in a prohibited zone,” according to the parking rules m or about page 13 of the Saltire. Any at tempt by the Attorney General to absolve the President’s guilt would prove a) fruitless, and b) politically em- barassing to both the Attorney General and the President. II. This being the case, Ihe college’s policy concerning parking ticekts must be changed. in. With this in mind, I have conducted a long, difficult, Outgoing Senator Suggests Reforms To The Editor: As a senator (who wishes to remain anonymous), I have the following suggestions for the improvement of good ole St. Andrews next year. Since SA has been in monetarial hot water for a while I would like to suggest that: (1) Norma of Laurinburg be asked to run the cafeteria. Since this fine lady only charges 75' a meal the decrease in cost woidd be quite sizeable. Plus since she only serves one helping the SA populace would lose weight. (2) The empty dorm rooms be converted to bars, casinos, or movie theaters (clean & dirt). Naturally our upper middle class students would support these institutions enou^ to slice tuition even more. (3) Start a course called work (101, 102, 201, 202, 301, 302 & 401, 401), (15 hours per week: no credit) and make it required. Work 101-402 would consist of doing & learning maintenance and cafetCTm jobs and executing them. TOs would cut out a lot of wasted money on employees. If SA would institute these ideas according to estimates tuition would be $175 even. Next I think some senoiK academic changes should be made. They are: (1) The Administi-ation should be elected (or ^f^^ed) each year by the students^ This would give students the rewarding oppori;unity of making mature decisions and takine brides. , (2) STMSshould be changed to a 3 year core course. Ui^r level projects could be curing cancer, maiang nuclear bom bs, and photographing quarks (or is it quirks?). (3) Lastly (for those nostal gic seniors) SAS and CNC should be"njombined to SCANSC (pronounced “SKANSK”). This course would be twice as hard as either SAS or CNC ami would really filter rotters out of the system. A final note: Since majore seem to be disaH>earing Me year perhaps SA could look into offering new and original majors. Such as: q^ntum History Social Geology Thanatology (with a required minor in Erotology) Pathological Existence Neurology Most likely to Succeedology and lastly Born to Winology. I hope these will not be casted upon swine. Very Sincerely Anon E. Mouse and mind-boggling review of the philosophy of parking tickets. I have reached what I deem the only acceptable con clusion. Parking ticekts must go. I have found that parking tickets are, in and of them selves, wnouy mcompatlble, and, indeed, irreconcilably an tagonistic, toward the general philosophy and goals of St. An drews Presbyterian College. These goals are currently enumerated on page 5 of the Catalog under “College Aim.” The incongruence between parking tickets and College Aim is easily apparent. 1. “A disciplined, informed, and inquiring mind marked by the ability to think clearly and to express ideas effectively.” Surely no one contends that the distribution of parking tickets improves (a) the quality of the recipient’s mind, b) the recipient’s ability to think clearly, or c) the recipient’s ability to express ideas. By being an oppressive tactic which is apparently a first step on the road to a police state, the parking ticket policy seemingly infringes upon College Aim Number 1. 2. “A breadth of intellectual sympathy that will include awareness of ^ the major cultural achievements of Western civilization and of the emerging non-Western cultures.” Are parking ticekts categorized among the major cultural achievements of Western civilization? Cer tainly not. But automobiles are. The continuing promulgation of parking tickets seems to be an attempt to nullify this cultural ad- vancemeit by severly restric ting the whereabouts of automobiles. The student’s freedom to use his automobile to its fullest extent is im paired. How can we, as students, be aware of the major cultural achievements of Western civilization of we are deprived of them? 3. “A growing and informed Christian faith that finds ex pression in dedication to promulgation and practice of Christian ideals in all areas of life.” I ask you: Are park ing tickets among the highest Christian ideals? I believe that parking tickets, besides being a form of pagan har- rassment, are a means of in voking punitive measures upon all pesons committing a victimless “crime,” and therefore obviates the funda mental Christian principles of charity, brotherhood, and good will toward men. 4. “An intelligent concern for the realization of Christian and democratic values not only in personal relations but also in national and in ternational affairs.” Saving carefully examined the language of this goal, I can reach only one interpretation; For a parking ticket to be valid, the recipient must be in volved in a dose and sub stantial personal relationship with Jack ReVille. Since most students have avoided this situation, most parking tickets are invalid. College Aim Num ber 4’spurusit of “democratic values: is also undermined by the issuance of parking tickets. Do you know anyone who ever voted to get a parking ticket? 5. “A desire for continued in tellectual, moral, and spirutal growth.” Parking tickets befuddle the recipient’s intellect (“Why me?” he asks) offend the recipient’s moral values, and attempt to break the recipient’s i^irit. 6. “Physical and emotional health gnd vitality.” Obviously finding a parking ticket on one’s winshield is an unpleasurable experience. It creates much tension in the individual, thereby creating physical discomfort and threatening his long-term physical health. It also has profound emotional effects; it can bring to the surface anger which was heretofore si^)- pressed. As for vitality: No person alive has ever walked vrith a greater spring in his step after receiving a parking ticket than before. From all this, it is obvious that parking tickets are an tithetical and threatening to the college’s aims. I, as attorney general, opine that parking tickets are a form of subversive literature and should be banished from the campus without delay. I feel that we, as students, have a moral, intellectual, and legal obligation to do everything within our power to uphold the written rules and sims of the college, when it suits our purpose to do so. You, as President of the Student Association, must lead us in our attempt to rid the campus of the plague of disruptive parking tickets which currently threatens to undercut and destroy the ex pressed aims of the college. I, as attorney general, strongly recommend that you, as President, issue an executive order a) declaring parking tickets subverise literature, and b) instructing the Attorney General to bum unto ashes all past, present, and potential parking tickets. I hereby give you my judicial endorsement, my moral approval, and my per sonal encouragement m this difficult endeavor.
St. Andrews University Student Newspaper
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May 13, 1976, edition 1
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