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A Complaint
With Respects To
Andy Rooney
By BILL LIDE
Ever since I have been watching “60 Minutes” on
Sunday evenings I have had mixed feelings on Andy
Rooney’s, sometimes mane, sometimes insightful,
commentaries.
Although the commentaries are humorous and
thorough, to me, they seem to be lacking in any true
substance, that is, Rooney is complaining just to com
plain.
But now I have seen the light. Ah! Andy, the master
of religiously receptive reporting, you know what strug
gles the common man must face in even the simplest of
operations.
The obstacles that changed my opinion are 2 simple
computer readouts known as Budget Report and Expen
diture By Object Report.
Since I am the editor of The Lance 1 have received all
of the paper’s financial statements, and, like a true
English major, I felt that they were intimidating, but
fairly innocent sheets of paper.
Now that we are facing our first audit by the SGA
treasurer I have noticed a drastic transformation in
those 2 papers.
Where once \ laughed at the Budget Report and
defied the Expenditure By Object Report, I now cringe
from the former and hide from the latter.
The causes for my anxiety are the language and
mathematics that are used on the reports. While I was
trying to figure out how much money the paper had
spent and how much it had left I was decimated by
monetary monstosites on the reports known as Actual
Revenue, Unrealized Balance, Inv# Encum# and other
grandiose gesticulations of deficit defining denotations.
On one report the Actual Revenue for The Lance was
$2108.78 and the Unrealized Budget was $2108.78-.
How can the paper have $2108.78 and at the same time
be $2108.78 in the hole? We have not stolen any money,
and in these days of frustrating financial freezes we cer
tainly haven’t borrowed any.
Why must the business office confuse the innocent?
So what if I’m not a business major, 1 do know how to
read, add and subtract.
Amid all of this bewilderment over the buck I have
designed an ersatz budget report that would be pleasing
ly pulcritudinous to the procurers of the proper publish
ed payment papers.
The first column in the revised budget report will
read, “This is how much money your club originally
had.” This is a fairly self-explanitory definition of the
allotment that your club was allocated, not to mention
the encumbered funds your club received.
The second column will read, “How much money
your club has spent.” This column is not really
necessary, but it will be helpful when you are making
sure the figure in the next column is correct.
The last column will read, “How much money your
club has left.” I guess this is a deintensified definition of
your club’s Actual Revenue plus its Unrealized Balance,
which in The Lance’s case equals $0. Any math major
could figure that out.
Which leads me to another question, have you ever
wondered why people use such absurd symbols in
math?
^be 3^ance ^
Editor Bill Lide
Layout Editor Dwayne Snowden
Sports Editor Rick Hanna
Arts Editor Nancy Hogg
Science Editor Greyton Flanagan
business Manager Steve^ffc«tt
Advisor Jim McDuffie
I he opinions expressed on mis page are not necessari
ly those of THE LANCE, college, or student body, but
are of the signed individuals. THE LANCE welcomes
and encourag^jresponses tp the material in this publica-
tioDi but TcsefVes ihe right of . editorial freedom as
governed by ne^ponsible joumalisou
THE LANCE
raipAY. MARCH 11. 1983
JmmAw at-
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Co(l©0« Press S©fv*c«
lurrojdfe.
olMffiions
editorials
Roving Reporter:Sharon Resignation
By VICKI NORRIS
Israeli Defense Minister
Ariel Sharon’s recent deci
sion to leave his position as a
result of his part in the Beirut
massacre-was cause for con
siderable comment in the
Bennettsville, S.C. area. The
majority of people interview
ed responded the same as
Ruth Huggins, a retired fac
tory worker.
“I can’t believe that one
man would be held accoun
table for the entire situation.
It’s a lot like Nixon and
Watergate. They’ve got to
have one person to use as a
scapegoat.”
Linda King, a
schoolteacher, agreed with
Mrs. Huggins’ comments
and added, “I believe he was
just following orders. I sim
ple don’t believe that he
could have done all the
things they say he did
without the knowledge of
Prime Minister Begin. If that
iwere true, it makes you
wonder if Begin is that much
in the dark about other
things.”
Ron Baucom, sales
representative said, “I feel
sorry for the guy. He’s
caught in the middle between
his own boss and the people
who work for him. It’s just
like a football coach whose
team had a losing season.
Somebody’s got to go and
it’s easier to get rid of one
man than a whole team.”
Stephen Fields, a warranty
claims supervisor, spoke
along the same lines when he
said, “The man was caught
'between a rock and a hard
plance. A lot of people in his
position would have done the
same thing against their
enemies. He just got
caught.”
A few people disagreed.
One of them was Reverend
V.C. Hodges, a local
minister, “I can’t imagine
anybody condoning such an
action. It’s bad enough when
there is an actual war going
on. A slaughter involving in
nocent people is something
else. The fact that he was in a
position to stop it or keep it
from happening and didn’t is
inexcusable.”
Willie Clark, an
unemployed factory worker,
also spoke for a lot of people
when he said he didn’t know
anything about Ariel Sharon.
He also said, “I’ve got
enough problems of my own
without taking on somebody
else’s.”
Letters To The Editor
When I decided to come to
St Andrews this fall, I felt I
had made the right decision.
I got my priorities straight
and play an active role in the
St. Andrews community. It is
time for the administration
to do the same thing.
What is more important:
losing students or keeping
them as happy as possible? I
find it sad that the ad
ministration chooses to lose
students. It’s not the
academics. No one could
debate the education you
get on this campus.
It’s not the scenery. Who
could get sick of beauty? it’s
not the food. How could
anyone argue that we don’t
get enough to eat? No, it’s
none of these. The simple
reason St. Andrews loses
students is the lack of con
cern it has for the little things
that matter so much to us.
These little things would
include heat and hot water.
A student takes for granted
that these two very important
parts of life automatically
will exist, but obviously they
don’t. It is one sacrifice after
another with the heating
system.
What is the problem? Do
we have to accept “we’re
working on it” as an answer?
Should we accept warm
classrooms over warm
bathrooms? What do we
have to do? Heat and hot
water are luxuries at St. An
drews. Everywhere else in the
world, during the winter it is
a NECESSITY!!!! Please get
these priorities straightened
out or continue to see us
transfer to a warmer climate.
Does anyone care besides the
students?
Susan Lacy
^Whenprospe^ive students'
visit St. Andrews, they in
variably leave with one
overall impression - the
friendliness and openness of
the students.
This past Thursday
through Saturday, when 51
scholarship candidates were
on campus, was no excep
tion. When asked in the in
terviews what had impressed
them most about the
weekend, the overwhelming
response was “the
friendliness of the students. I
expected my host to be
helpful, but I was over
whelmed with the genuine in
terest other St. Andrews
students showed in me.”
I want to thank each St.
Andrews student for his or
her contribution this
weekend, from quality time
and energy as a host to a
warm smile and greeting on
the cause walk.
Peggy Anderson ^