fk LANCED PAGE 4 THE PARODY APRIL 1,1990 I/, a? CAMPAIGN FAILS By Chad Esposito Asst. Editor As tfie dogwoods aiong joogwood Mile begin to age, iTriBeta’s recent campaign jto save and replenish tiie dogwoods has failed. Ac- jcording to one of the Tri-Beta members only one tree was bought. Tri-Beta members say the lack of interest has stemmed from the fact that people are not attracted to disposition of the dog woods. Tri-Beta recently sent out surveys to students on what ;plant/tree they would lile to |see line Dogwood Mile. The surveys received we re u na ni- mously in favor of the cactus. After the results, Tri-Beta started their adopt-a-cactus campaign. Bentley Crabtree, the chair iof the prickly plant campaign, Icommented on the recent sales," The cacti have been selling like wild flower. I was WALL TO BE TORN DOWN The Physical Plant has already begun the chopping down process. as shocked as anyone on the the incoming cacti are being interest in the cactus. Hey, whatever pricls the commu nities interest." The old dogwoods on Dog wood Mile are currently being cut down, and the holes for dug. Crabtree says that this has been the best campaign that Tri-Beta has come ud By Michael Roberts Editor-In-Chief In a controversial decision handed down by the Student Life Office, the wall at the end of the causewall, on which many students con vey personal feelings, po etry, and artwork, vyill be torn down in May. In a Lanced interview. Dean Greer, author of the proposal, stated thatthe wall no longer represents free speech and freedom of ex pression. "Like the Berlin Wall," she said, "it is a sym- j bol of restriction, bondage, I and oppression." with-one that everyone's interest. pokes eiiMiy iiKB wiiu nower. i was cut uown, ana me noies Tor ^ « ?»ga9gs»pisgsagggggg>gs>s»gs>ygs>»g«g!gg!g!88888S888888888888888®8S88888888888 Debate Record Broken By Michael Roberts Editor-In-Chief The debate record, set by the Debate Team only two >>ionths ago, has been bro ken by other members of the St, Andrews community. The team of Mary Griggs, Dr. Mel Bringle, Laura Rose, and Lee Sparacino broke the world record by debating the topic "What makes men teically pond scum, and “'hat should we do with them?" The debate lasted a" exhausting 269 hours, wing the debate, the team attempted to discern what "lakes men scum of the earth. Some suggested reasons cited were that it men have a penis, and therefore experience "va gina envy", or it is an over bearing sex drive that makes men slugs. On the subject of what should be done with men, Lee Sparacino suggested that since there is enough frozen semen to insure fer tilization for many years to come, an unadulterated liquidation of existing males should take place. She also suggested that each child (well, it's not yet a child; just a fetus) determined to be of male persuasion be aborted, no matter what the “'-“cu were inai it aoonea, no manet wimi me as a curse from God, who trimester. All of the debaters '"Herinfinite wisdom, made .women how ®ctthey are, or because favored abortion. Woman's body, woman's right and all that crap. Griggs, however, suggestedfhatthe male chil dren (or pre-children, if you will) be allowed to be born (if that is what the mother wishes) and be brought up to better understand their role in society as basically earth worms. Bobby Simpson, a mem ber of the former record- holding team, expressed outrage at the new record. "This is a farce," said Simpson. "This is simply an attempt to undermine the achievement of the debate team. The subject is ludi crous and irrelevant, and the arguments were staged and amateurish. I'm going to get some men together and we're going to debate their panties off." Griggs said, "This is just While some students said :^that tearing down the wall was a good idea because it ! J was another symbol of male aggressiveness (these same people wanted the bell tower to be torn down be cause it is a phallic symbol), most were outraged by the proposal. John Reneslacis, a senior withag.p.a.near4.0,andan academic All-American in baseball, and this year's most qualified candidate for senior class speaker, said, "This wall is a part of our heritage, our history, and our identity. Tearing down the wall would be an act of inde cency, unkindness, and tyr anny." He was later fired from his job as R. A. of Alber- marle. Paul Dinkins, poet and artist, was furious. He stated, "#$%#(§)&*''% *&%&$##!!. %$$#@@$%''&. And by the way, &''%*$!@@ those %$&#@n in Student- &%$#@!@ Life." Because of student un rest, the administration has vowed to re-examine the issue of the wall. Sources say that a leak informed administrators of the willing ness of Dr. Neal Bushoven to take action on behalf of the students. Many will remember Neal sitting naked on the causewalk last year to protest conditions in Meek. Some say adminis trators fear that he will do something ugly, like letting Wally Mann chain himself nude to the wall. We don't even need to discuss how ugly that would be. Continue to read this pub lication, edited by males, for furtherdevelopments. And if you see Neal, please tell him not to do anything drastic. INSIDE CONDOM MACHINES INSTALLED PG. 9 MECK SPONSORS 2ND ANNUAL WET-T CONTEST PG.4 REPORT ON THE FIRE IN ORANGE PG. 8 BENTLEY CRABTREE FOUND SOBER PG. 69 COMPLETE BASEBALL7TENNIS SCHEDULES PG. 7

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