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By Janet Fancher
staff wri ter
Okay, so you've
survived your first five
and a half months of
college; that's great!
You're feeling pretty
good about it, you no
longer end up in the
Wrong dorm at the end
of the Saturday night
bash (well, there was the
time you woke up in
Meck/Concord, but we
won’t mention that
here...) you actually
know that Morgan Jones
has a second floor and
your body is even
becoming tolerant of
SAGA. Basically you've
survived Fall and Winter
Term. Congratulations!
Now what?
Reality crashes down
on your unsuspecting
fomi. The newness has
worn off, people have
started to forget that you
are a member of that
special breed: the
Freshperson. Your
professors actually
expect you to turn in your
papers on time! Your
faculty advisor is
"encouraging you to take
more credits." You've
been wearing the same
pair of socks because you
have no laundry money!
Your roommate decides
to redecorate and
accidentally misplaces
the box of perishable
foodstuffs Grandma sent
you. The fruit flies
someone in your suite
was breeding for genetics
escaped into your suite
lounge. The fire alarm
went off while you were
in the shower. Where will
it all end?
These are indeed the
horrors th at take their toll
on the college
freshperson, but there is
something worse,
something much, much
worse: The All-
N i g h t e r . . . .
Imagine if you will
two freshpeople brave
enough (or foolish
enough) to sign up for
three or four 300-level
classes during the spring
term. Our heroes/
heroines are "the
roommates." They've
gotten a bit behind in
physics and their 5-7
page politics paper is due
tomorrow. They screw
their courage to the
sticking place, order a
pizza, and (say it isn't so)
pull an all -nighter.
(Obviously our heroes/
heroines did not consult
Madame Zelda!)
They finish their
work, and only feel
relatively sub-human the
next day. All is going
well for our
procrastinators. They
even feel good enough to
study a bit in the evening.
Around midnight the
roommates retire...
^Warning! I encourage
readers with weak
stomachs, bad backs, or
any other health
problems to bail out now!
This isn't pretty..."^
8:30 am. There is an
evil buzzing in their ears.
It sounds like an airraid,
only closer. It is their
alarm clock. They
attempt to rise, but it is as
if every ounce of energy
has been sucked from
their bodies. They, with
much difficulty, roll over
and go back to sleep.
They miss physics.
Around 10:30am they
hear a knocking at their
door. It is their
Philosophy class who,
plagued by their absence,
has decided to discuss the
meaning of life in their
dorm room. There are no
caffeine-containing
beverages in their
refngerator. Could it get
any worse? Yes. Lunch
rolls around, somewhat
like our heroes. They
drag themselves to
SAGA where a classmate
informs them that they
have a lab report due in
chemistry and
"Macbeth" is to be read
by tomorrow. She
suggests pulling an all-
nighter...
AUGH! I can't take it
anymore! Listen, fruit
flies in your suite
loungeare bad, and
having to exit a dorm
during a fire alarm in a
towel is worse, but I'm
really beginning to think
the greatest casualty of
the spring term
freshpeople is indeed the
All-Nighter