Newspapers / St. Andrews University Student … / Feb. 18, 1998, edition 1 / Page 2
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Why I Sold Out and Joined The Lancc "I know I could write stuff for The Lance that would get people to read it, but getting people to read it is not in ac cordance with my life's goals." -Nathaniel Lewis There are no sacred cows, they are all hamburger fodder. Join me as I bite the hand that feeds, beat a dead horse and engage in several more cliches that would make interesting titles for pom flicks! (Try th is at home! Popular cul ture references count, too: Surge!, "The taste of the next generation," All I Ever Really Needed to Know 1 Learned in When I make believe that my peers read The Lance, I imagine them having one ques tion for me. Thiinecessitates; additionally pretending that students would also know who I am. (College has taught me how to pretend at several things at once. I can act like I'm not in the classroom and imagine 1 don’t hate the professor at the same time!) Assuming they cared as well, someone might ask why I sold out and wrote for The Lance. It was once my goal to establish a new campus paper. The Heretic. Everyone 1 asked was willing to assist my coup, but I found getting articles out of them as difficult as getting people to join The Lance, or even read it. Other complica tions included a spy in my ranks and the machinations of the SA administration. The lat ter booted one of my primary co-conspirators out of school on the flimsy charge of failure, for missing more than 3 class sessions. (It was a class you could otherwise pass without attending. Try and guess which one. See if you can list more than 15!) I even got my friend, Marlon Carey to agree to de fect from this paper to mme, though this might have done less damage to The Lance than it would have done to my sources. Point being, it's GK to admit to us that this paper bores the hell out of you. Ehuing my Winter Term off When I make believe that my peers read The Lance, I imagine them having one question for me. This necessitates additionally pre tending that students would also know who I am. chances. There was also that little matter of my insistence that the paper be called The Heretic. “.'IJtiwSAfter my plans to put together a rival paper were slowly deconstructed, I reluc tantly acknowledged that it didn't matter. The Lance would be its own undoing. My efforts were only meant to offer that friendly push to wards the edge of the roof, like lending a handgun to the sui cidal friend. 77ieLa«cewouId still go through with it. It would just have to endure the five-day waiting period. By this point, someone is mad. Whee! For parents and faculty members who feel pressured to publicly insist that The Lance is a useful method of communication between stu dents, here's relief I'm not the only student here who be lieves this paper lacks worth. (I'm just the one impetuous enough to try and get the sen timent published.) Backlogs of The Lance left outside the cafeteria are used for, well. I'm sure once you get that far down the chain, there's still something you can do with such re in my dorm room didn't work. This Fall Term, my roommate and I had given up hope that a campus maintenance crew would ever drop in to fix it. We decided to open it up and see if we could do some damage our selves. Pulling it out, we dis covered it wasn't an air condi tioning unit at all: it was an an cient 8-track tape recorder.. I carefully replaced it in the ceil ing, where it's still recording as I write this. (Is it possible they can interpret by sound alone which keys I'm pressing?) I knew I had to expose the con- campus, I met someone who told me that when she was in high school, her paper was only sought after by students who wanted to find out what was for lunch. My high school paper, 77ie Rank and PUe Foul, was only a commodity when it was raining and someone forgot an umbrella. Students here wouldn't even use The Lance for that. What if the ink bled and you got Eddie Pear stains on your face? I write this without disre spect to the half dozen students who diligently and stubbornly put together the paper in disre gard of popular opinion. This paper bites. It's impossible to put to gether an interesting paper when the same two people write all the articles. Things can't be made timely either, because the primary writer has to put the paper to gether for the printer in addition to her other responsibilities. Without more staff members. The Lance can't escape association with other campus easy-joke fod der like Crossroads and Currently Nameless (a.k.a. Permanently Nameless.) Why do we do it? I can't speak for anyone else, but here's my story: When I moved into Or ange last year, the air conditioner spiracy. Lacking my own public forum, I decided to co opt The Lance for my own purposes. The truth is that St. Andrews has issues. Over the summer, in a non-awakened state similar to the one my roommate was in when he decided he would be suite leader, I realized a few. Lack ing my own public forum... Besides, now it's my job to hate things. That's some thing that I don't have to make believe that students do here. -Greg Chatham The Lflnce Edjtor-ln-Chief Suzyn Smith Sports Editor Melissa Collins Columnist Greg Chatham Cfirtoonists Marlon Carey Billy Christiansen StRff Writers Mary Fleetwood Donna Eliot-Thomton Jason Cohen Sara Griffitt Gail Menius Mikey Romano Maya Pottenkulam The Lflnce is produced, edited, ond designed by St. Andrews students. The Lonce is printed by the Lourinburg Ex- chflnge in Lflurinburg, NC. Letters to the Editor flre welcomed, but must include nnme find e-mnil address.
St. Andrews University Student Newspaper
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Feb. 18, 1998, edition 1
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