September 27th, 1999
Orange Falling Down
The mmor is that Sith Lord Phil Barrineau is planning on shutting down
Orange dorm. His evil plot was revealed to the dorm's residents last week in a
scene that went something like this:
The Emergency Meeting at Oranee-A Play
RA. Guys, we need to talk about the bad thing. There was a
bad thing that happened. If you don't know what it was, then I'm not
going to tell you. I don't want to be spreading rumors. The point is
that the bad thing must never happen again. Please follow proper
procedures in preventing whatever it was.
Phil Barrineau: (appears from a cloud of smoke that leaks out
of the air conditioner) I am going to destroy you all.
As you can see, dorm meetings are much more dramatic in Orange. This is
why students in Orange don't care about the plumbing problems in your residence
hall. People in the not really a hippie dorm for quite some time are victims of
paranoia which is not induced by anything you can smoke. I'm sure. If the incident
had occurred in Mecklenburg, it would have played out differently.
!!!MA>JD!!!ATORY!!! You Will Be Fined!!! IfYou Do Not Attend-Also A Plav
RA: OK guys, if you don't tell me who did the bad thing, you
will all be fined. Guys? Guys! That's it, you're all fined.
Phil Barrineau: Hi! I have a double-bladed lightsaber! If you
feel the need to do anything bad, please do it in Orange.
Orange will never be shut down, because that would be funny. Nothing that
funny happens at St. Andrews.
"What's so fijnny about closing the dorm I go to when I want to brake
windows and ceiling tiles?" It's funny because it's funny floating. According to the
funny floating theory, if something is funny when floating, it is inherently
humorous even when not floating. Or something.
Imagine Orange with no residents. Now imagine it suspended in the air
several feet above the ground. Ha!
The new dean of students is only a phantom menace. No dean would do
anything as silly as shutting down the most prestigious dorm on campus after
Winston-Salem. Orange will not be bulldozed over and replaced with three 50 foot
water slides. It will not be taken over by the elite team of phone-tapping residence
life agents who currently operate out of the bell tower. It ain't gonna happen.
10/4/99 3:52 PM