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The Lance June - August 2011 ART ALIVE Pag^ 13 Ballad (Continued from Page 14) She pretended she hadn’t heard. She apologized to them, took each of their orders, and said she wouldn’t need a tip. This was a stupid thing to do, as tips were the main source of her income, and they hadn’t even noticed her taking a long time. “Thank you for your generosity,” said one of the mobsters. “If you ever have a problem with someone...caU me at this number.” He wrote down the number 1 -800-7-HITMAN on a nap kin and handed it to her. She thanked him, and walked towards the kitchen. Then all hell broke loose. It started with the simultaneous death of Plato and an outcry by the man with more than one personality. The man had discovered that one of his personalities had a deadly STD, and became afraid that he might have passed it on to himself This caused him to cry out in rage. “If you knew all this time, why on earth didn’t you tell me?” he cried, so loudly that even the private party room could hear it though the thick wall. The dinosaurs were starded by the loud noise, and the trainer had no water, so he couldn’t stop them. They broke out of the room. This caused chaos; Holly ran with the crowd for the exits but the doors had all been locked and barricaded by the assassin, who did not want Lincoln or Plato to escape. Out of the corner of her eyes. Holly watched as Lincoln drew his revolver and prepared to look for Plato’s assassin, but the mafia also saw him draw his gun and got into a shootout with him. One of the mobsters decided to take advantage of the crossfire to take out the man he had been assigned to eliminate. He shot him, and this caused an all out firefight fi'ee for all between the different mobsters. Some dived for cover; others sprinted to the crowd, hoping to lose their pursuer; others still shot at random people hoping to hit the man they had been hired to kill. Holly screamed when she saw what had just emerged from the private party room. Three raptors, man eating dinosaurs who would like nothing more than to tear her skin off and eat her insides. Well, maybe they woidd like some thing more... in fact, they would probably just tear her to shreds and feast on her pieces. Lincoln was moving towards the kitchen when the raptors overtook him; their intent was to kill. He shot down the first two, but the third managed to knock his gun away fi"om him. It skidded across the floor and came to a stop near HoUy. As she bent over to pick it up, Lincoln snapped the raptor s neck with his mad kung-fu skills. “What’s going on?” asked Holly, to which Lincoln responded, “Follow me. The assassin clearly is working for the public school system. He killed Plato, and he aims to kill me. If I can’t stop them from completing the Mars rocket, they will recover an artifect that will allow them to take over all of America. They will be the law. Right now, that assassin is our best hope at—” Then he stopped. He stopped because he had been stabbed in the back with a rusty kitchen knife by Fred. Fred had used a steak knife to kill him. Holly asked why he did that and he said, “Even if he was on a quest to save America, which I highly doubt, he went in the kitchen. So I did the only rational thing, I killed him.” Holly stood dumbfounded. Now, Fred’s rea soning seemed perfectly natural, but if you examine the evidence, you should find that he was not acting rationally. You see, for one thing, they weren’t in the kitchen, and for another, Fred was a pacifist. So why had he really stabbed Lincoln? Fred was married to... a public school teacher! Afterward On Mars, the Public School System ended up finding the artifact, which was an ancient weapon powerful enough to destroy the universe and even unravel the entire fabric of reality. How woidd the weapon do this? It was a calculator that could divide by zero. Because they had nothing to live for, the public school teachers immediately threatened to activate the calculator and divide by zero, and everyone knew they would do it too. This led to the public school system taking over the world. And they all lived miserably ever after. Think Globally, Act Locally” Student artwork fitrm Dr. Neal Bushoven’s Bulletin Board i s.- I
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