The News Argus March 1997 Page 12
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Ask WilloMay
1 fed your pain
Need some aclvicc bul don’t feel comforiable asking your man, your woman, your friends, your instructor or your parents? Well, just ask WilloMay!
Bdow Xu wVubd my answe^to you first questions. If you have problems or need some advice, look for my Healing Boxes, at various locations on campus, submit
your problems or concerns. Don’t wait! Drop in your questions today I
out, but never give up.”
Dear WilloMay:
Recently, 1 have become re-acquainted with a young man that I was involved with
last semester. I don’t really know if it is wise to pursue a relationship with him
because of the conflicts that it might cause with our “friends.”
He often tells me that I listen too much to what my friends say and they have an
influence over my feelings towards him, which isn t true. I really care about this
young man and I really want to make him believe that it’s him that I want to be with.
Really, my friends don’t have anything to do with my feelings for him. What should I
do to make him understand?
Caught in the Middle
Dear WilloMay:
I am a black female who lacks companionship in her life. 1 don’t understand why
1 am having such a problem with finding someone special to share my time. 1 am a
fairly attractive young lady with my head on my shoulders, and I know what direction 1
am going in life. But it seems as though many men are intimidated by a strong,
educated black woman. I find that a lot of guys want to play games with me like they
are scared to commit. Many of them assume I have thousands of men, so it becomes a
competition to them. 1 get tired of being the prize. I have feelings also. So how do I
go about finding a real relationship? And when do I know when to trust a man?
Lonely
Dear Lonely
If you want something more, eliminate those guys that are scared to commit.
They are probably not ready to commit, or they need to figure out on their own what it
is that frightens them about commitment. If they are playing games, and you don t
want to play anymore, tell them they are out! Game is over!
If there is a man that you really like and you want a commitment, tell him that is
what you want. By doing that you will eliminate the players right away,and the man
who is ready and willing will stay. More important is that you continue your
education and don’t let that be a disu-action for you. He will come when you are not
looking.
Being alone gives you an opportunity to develop your wonderful self even more.
You said that men assume that you have several men in your life and that they are
intimidated by your intellect. Make sure you are not sending out the wrong signals.
For instance, are you constantly talking to a guy you are out on a date with about how
much fun you had with another guy? That will certainly intimidate some guys. Arc
you over doing it talking about how smart you arc? That can certainly make a guy run.
All I am suggesting is for you to do some inventory ol yourself. If you find something
you want to change, fine, then change it. If you don’t, kiss yourself my sister and
keep doing what yoil are doing. If you have not dated interracially, you might
consider it as an option. A lot of black women are seriously considering dating men
of other races.
I say trust your self first and if you believe in a higher power, trust it. Only you can
determine what is acceptable or not to you. Is he reliable? Is he honest? Does he u-eat
you with respect? The signs are always there to let you know whether a person can be
trusted or not. A lot of women close their eyes to those little signs because they don t
want to be alone. Being alone is belter than being disrespected or compromising your
values just to have a man.
Don’t give up. As my old gray-headed Aunt Clara used to say, You can give
Dear Caught in the Middle:
Now, WilloMay wants you to think about what you are saying. First you say, you
don’t know if it’s wise to pursue a relationship with this young man because it causes
conflicts with your friends. Then you say your friends don’t have anything to do with
your feelings. Then where is the conflict? It sounds like the conflict is within you.
Are you sure you are not projecting the ‘my friends don’t like him syndrome on the
situation to cover-up the real issue?
Do you really want to pursue a relationship with him? If you care about him and
want to be with him then that’s what you should do, as long as he treats you with
respect and care.
I am not trying to get in your business, but I wondered what happened in the
relationship last semester. Did you resolve the conflict? What is it about him that your
friends and his friends arc having a problem with?
There arc two types of friends: One kind genuinely cares about your welfare and
happiness. They iu-e not threatened by someone else loving or caring about you as
much as they love and care about you. The other kind is one who pretends to be a
friend. They are jealous, always in your essence trying to see what you are doing, and
if you arc doing it better than them. They are always, always jealous of your
boyfriend, and they always find something wrong with him. Most of the time they
don’t have anyone in their life, and usually follow you around for excitement because
they don’t know how to make their own. Now, I am just saying to you, take a look at
your friends and make sure they have your best interest at heart.
If he became violent or is a drug user or something like that, then I agree with
your friends, let it go. But if none of those elements are a factor, I think your friends
should support your decision, giving credit to your good sense and judgment. You
cannot live for your friends. If you relate to him on that level, I think he will
understand much more than you could imagine.
Answers To
The Idiot Test
Answers:
1.
Yes (they also have a 3rd of
ring;
July, a 2nd of July, etc..)
2.
One a year
21 Correct - Genius
3.
All months have (at least) 28
17 Correct - Above Normal
days
15 Correct - Normal
4.
The beggar is the woman’s sister
8 Correct - Nincompoop
5.
Because he is living
6 Correct - Moron
6.
6 (3 per side)
3 Correct - Idiot
7.
No, the man would be dead
They are not playing each other
70 (30 divided by .5 is 60)
White, (the bear would be a
polar bear, because the house
must be at the nonh pole)
2 (You just took 2 apples)
a fifty cent piece, and a nickel
(one is not a nickel, but the other
one is)
13. light the match first
14. half way (then he would be
9.
10
11.
12.
running out)
15. one hour (the first one, a half
hour later, and another one more
half hour)
16. 9 (all bul 9 die...)
17. none. Moses was not on the ark
18. he weighs meal
19. 12
20. Bill Clinton