Monday, November 24, 1975
Can You Learn to Listen
fills me softly
slipping gently into place
from beneath my quiet cover
I greet the dark embrace
complacent with desire
this paradox pervades my bones
with weariness complete
dazedly I notice now
my vicious self-defeat
I scream from deep within
and silence floods my mind
I can’t but see the truth-
Death can’t but be kind.
The honeyed scent of tobacco rides warm on the
clear moonfull night. Memories of other, darker
nights fill me; I stand silent watching the world flow
on its away.
Five times in three years I have attempted to end
my life. Threatened, everyone asks “why?” without
wanting to understand.
I am bitter. I am weary of finding horror in your
eyes, of seeing human faces become closed, locked
doors when I admit to having courted death. I ache
to give you a glimpse of the darkness, the pain of
being emotionally dying. I long to open up the world
of the suicidal, not only that you might greet me
with empathy, but that others on that road might
not face their desires and fears so completely alone.
The prevalent feeling I have when thinking about
death is one of desperate loneliness. Then, too, there
are great amounts of fear and anger. These three
intense emotions can be overwhelming, and
depression may not be enough for one to cope with
them. When depression and other escape tactics can
no longer sWeld one from the pains of loneliness, a
sense of failure, and other nightmares, one may
choose to let go the will to Uve and reach out to
Facing one’s own death has been compared to
staring into the sun; however, staring death in the
eye, even for a moment, leaves marks on the mind
which do not fade like the spots on the retina which
remain after staring into toe sun.
There is a difference between wanting to die and
wanting to tell the world you want to die. However
the motions you go through are much the same, and
there’s always an inkling of one feeling involved in
the other. Still the differences are great, and yet
perhaps too subtle to be described in words. Almost
everyone has had the bitter experience of wanting
to tell the world they want to die.
When someone tells you he’s thinking of suicide,
what is your reaction? Probably you feel somewhat
puzzled and somewhat threatened. You ask him
“why,” hoping you can give him an easy answer to
“why not?” or something to “cheer him up”. But
probably what he needs more is empathy.
Recognize the fact that he is hurting deeply. Try to
understand his bitterness, his fear. Above all, listen.
It hurts to want so badly to escape that you dare to
dream of death. And it is a great risk to tell someone
of that pain. It is, quite literally, of vital importance
to be heard. And second in importance only to
listening is to let him know you care. Dare to give a
little of yourself. You’ll both grow,if you do.
Editor- Itay Crutcher Charlie Ward, Steve Jackson.
Magging & Bu^ess Editor- Garry Wasseraan Charles
Reporters- Garry Wassarman, James RocheUe, ^^ist- Kevin Atkinson
Suicide: a question
What Do You Want From NCSAl
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